I'm always up for a challenge or a dare, and I'm taking this one, too!!
I've been thinking a lot lately, I've just never really felt the need to share it with people, because.. I dunno, I sometimes feel like 'change' is a concept I never grasped. (Bear with me..) I remember when I moved to my dorm room, immediately (like literally the second day) it felt like I'd always lived there, like nothing had ever changed. And then when I moved back here to live with my parents again, it felt no different than when I lived in my dorm room. I just adapt too fucking quickly.
..so whatever insight I get, to me it feels like something so obvious, like I've always known it, and then I misinterpret it as common knowledge, or I consider it "too private to share with the world". I suppose being bullied until I was like 18 has something to do with me being introvert, and the fact that my parents were never there for me when I needed them. (I'm not trying to be a sad little girl here, just trying to find some reasons for my 'malfunctioning')
I'm opening up, now, though.
I wrote an LJ entry in which I mention the 'voices' in my head (I'm not schizophrenic and I'm not insane, for those people reading this who aren't Jessica XD), and I think I might add some more to that entry now. The point is, I'm learning to share what I come up with in my sleep, in my daydreaming, and by simply listening to people. I'm also learning to share more stuff in general, as in 'writing longer entries', as you've probably noticed in the length of this comment XD
I'm also learning to be a bit more selfish, because I tend to lose myself in caring for other people.
I'm learning, slowly but surely.
So don't count me out just yet, I may not be much of a thinker right now, but I'm learning, one step at a time.
wow you sound a lot like my friend She mentioned you in her comment a couple of times on this page, you should read it! XD
But I know how that is - it's actually a very feminine thing to adjust quickly. Women go through a lot of changes in their lifetime so adjustment is built into their brains and bodies. A lot of women end up staying in abusive relatoinships for years because of this too. It just becomes normal. That's why it's important to remain consciously aware of yourself and your life and your dreams and all of that. Take time to get away from your everyday by spending time in nature, so you can get back to your natural sense of self, and then see how you feel when you go back to your everyday.
And you know, I was made fun of all through my life too, right up till college, and even in college I had some abusive friendships too. That never stopped me, though. I honestly would sort of differentiate myself from that and often go "why are they making fun of me T__T" instead of internalizing it and feeling bad. Of course I had times when I was really sad and depressed but I dunno... I was always turned on, and never let that turn me off.
I've learned to let that bounce off of my outer shell too. Now if someone laughs at me for whatever reason, I simply can't be bothered to feel bad about it anymore XD
I do get away from it all every once in a while (probably a sort of mental reflex), and if I can't actually go outside (weather), I just escape to the better world in my imagination. And yes, I know when to come back from that place. In fact, I figure I break up my Imagination into two sides: 1: Fun Time: I just dream away about anything and everything. 2: Utopia: the perfect world. Then I think of how I can make the actual world a bit more like my Utopia. Escapism can be healthy, if you use it correctly ;)
And I've read Fairydustedhope's comment and replied to her ;)
I've been thinking a lot lately, I've just never really felt the need to share it with people, because.. I dunno, I sometimes feel like 'change' is a concept I never grasped. (Bear with me..)
I remember when I moved to my dorm room, immediately (like literally the second day) it felt like I'd always lived there, like nothing had ever changed. And then when I moved back here to live with my parents again, it felt no different than when I lived in my dorm room. I just adapt too fucking quickly.
..so whatever insight I get, to me it feels like something so obvious, like I've always known it, and then I misinterpret it as common knowledge, or I consider it "too private to share with the world".
I suppose being bullied until I was like 18 has something to do with me being introvert, and the fact that my parents were never there for me when I needed them. (I'm not trying to be a sad little girl here, just trying to find some reasons for my 'malfunctioning')
I'm opening up, now, though.
I wrote an LJ entry in which I mention the 'voices' in my head (I'm not schizophrenic and I'm not insane, for those people reading this who aren't Jessica XD), and I think I might add some more to that entry now. The point is, I'm learning to share what I come up with in my sleep, in my daydreaming, and by simply listening to people.
I'm also learning to share more stuff in general, as in 'writing longer entries', as you've probably noticed in the length of this comment XD
I'm also learning to be a bit more selfish, because I tend to lose myself in caring for other people.
I'm learning, slowly but surely.
So don't count me out just yet, I may not be much of a thinker right now, but I'm learning, one step at a time.
Reply
But I know how that is - it's actually a very feminine thing to adjust quickly. Women go through a lot of changes in their lifetime so adjustment is built into their brains and bodies. A lot of women end up staying in abusive relatoinships for years because of this too. It just becomes normal. That's why it's important to remain consciously aware of yourself and your life and your dreams and all of that. Take time to get away from your everyday by spending time in nature, so you can get back to your natural sense of self, and then see how you feel when you go back to your everyday.
And you know, I was made fun of all through my life too, right up till college, and even in college I had some abusive friendships too. That never stopped me, though. I honestly would sort of differentiate myself from that and often go "why are they making fun of me T__T" instead of internalizing it and feeling bad. Of course I had times when I was really sad and depressed but I dunno... I was always turned on, and never let that turn me off.
Reply
I do get away from it all every once in a while (probably a sort of mental reflex), and if I can't actually go outside (weather), I just escape to the better world in my imagination. And yes, I know when to come back from that place. In fact, I figure I break up my Imagination into two sides:
1: Fun Time: I just dream away about anything and everything.
2: Utopia: the perfect world. Then I think of how I can make the actual world a bit more like my Utopia.
Escapism can be healthy, if you use it correctly ;)
And I've read Fairydustedhope's comment and replied to her ;)
Reply
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