[Fic: RPF] Come Close, Listen to the Story (2/5)
Title/Chapter: This Is Not My Heart, 2/5
Pairing: Demi Lovato/Selena Gomez
POV: Taylor Swift
Rating/Word Count: PG-13/3940
Disclaimer/Warning: I do not own either Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus, Demi Lovato, or Selena Gomez, and none of the portrayed events should be taken as fact. They are fiction and never actually happened. No matter how much I wish they did. Other disclaimers are at my journal. This is a RPF femslash story, meaning about real people and two girls in a romantic relationship context. If either or both of those things bother you, this is not the story for you. Rating for mentions of self-harm.
A/N: This is a reposting from my journal, where it was originally posted and from where I'm transferring all my fic. If we are friends, then you can still read it here. This chapter is more setup for the rest of the fic, but it's really easy for me to write Taylor, so I had a lot of fun with this. Once again, please be honest. There are some grammatical mistakes, but usually to emphasize dialogue, particularly with Miley and the Cyrus family. The story title is from the first lyric of "True Love" by Phil Wickham, and chapter titles are from "About A Girl" by The Academy Is. Huge thank you to arkeis for helping beta this thing, letscall_l for the inspiration to get off my ass and get it done, xcinamonx for introducing me to Picnik (where I made the story pictures), and everyone over at demi_selena for your encouragement and support.
Summary: Miley and Taylor work with Demi to pull off a surprise concert for Selena's seventeenth birthday while also trying to push Demi and Selena toward each other.
I'm Not In Love, 1/5
You hate this part of touring and traveling most. Your room in Hendersonville always looks like the closet exploded, and more than once you’ve lost Indie only to hear her hiss at you from under a pile of sundresses or jeans. Back home less than two days, and already you’re packing for LA. You dropped a couple festivals originally scheduled after the Canada leg to get this five-day break. The tour’s amazing, yet exhausting. Kellie’s opening for you and it’s the ultimate cross-country road trip, especially when Abigail met you in LA, and you saw Miley and Selena at the much-anticipated Staples Center show. Bringing out John Mayer just absolutely made the whole night, and it was one huge party both backstage and onstage. Everyone hung out together at IHOP until dawn, when you needed to leave to make Vegas. You said good-bye to Selena (she was flying back to Vancouver on Sunday) and Miley, then Abigail hopped on the bus and you, her, and Kellie hit the road, singing “Waking Up in Vegas” at the top of your lungs.
You wanted this break in LA for Selena’s 17th birthday, and there’s already another break planned into the tour around the time of Demi’s birthday, a month from now. You suggested a combined birthday party, since they do everything else together anyway, but Demi wanted to give Selena her own special birthday. Their bond is incredible, best friends since age seven after meeting at a “Barney” audition. Everyone knows that you and Abigail are best friends, and that you’re close with Miley and Kellie and even Selena, but you’ll never have the bond Selena and Demi do with anyone. Your friendship with them is different, because in many ways you forget that you’re older than them. Abigail’s your age, Kellie is like the older sister you never had, and Miley...well, Ryan Seacrest said it best at the Grammy’s, that Miley acts so much older. Then again, she thinks he’s the creepiest guy alive, so whatever. It’s easy to forget that she’s Demi and Selena’s same age. You always forget that all three are only sixteen.
Demi and Selena stay so physically close it’s insane. You remember one night in particular on the last Jonas tour when you flew out to perform for a few days, back when you and Joe dated. Everyone stayed up way too late playing Guitar Hero, Truth or Dare, and Chubby Bunny, and no one wanted to go back to the hotels or their own buses. The guys slept in the kitchen (Joe slept on the table) and gave the girls the beds. Miley took Nick’s bed, you took Joe’s, and they offered to share Kevin’s. Even after the guys went to sleep, the four of you stayed up talking about nothing and everything for hours. Some conversations are easier in the dark.
Going to LA’s always fun, but many times you leave with a bittersweet sadness. You worried about Miley constantly for a good six months, afraid she’d snap while her life seemingly fell at her feet. You’re still incredibly proud of how she emerged from it all, without spiraling out of control, even if sometimes you miss her carefree innocence. There’s a harshness she didn’t possess before, almost like she’s used to disappointing everyone, or used to everyone disappointing her. Maybe both. She seems okay now, all things considered, after repairing her friendships and gaining new ones. A good thing, because straddling the chasm between your friends grew old quickly.
But there’s always another problem lurking under the surface, someone else to worry about. This time it’s both Selena and Demi, who you’ve only recently connected with. Something just seems...off. Not like Miley (whose problems consistently made front-page headlines), but the light behind Demi’s eyes disappeared recently, and Selena’s withdrawing from everyone. They’re sixteen, nearly seventeen, achieved everything they ever wanted, and yet you knew it wasn’t enough. Demi didn’t possess your and Miley’s drive, or Selena’s ability to let everything roll off her back (publicly, at least). She’s slightly emo under the surface, and clearly it’s showed through more than ever recently. When you saw a story just days before New Years’ about Demi showing up with marks on her wrist, your stomach fell to your feet and you cried. Gut-wrenching sobs, desperately clinging to the hope that bracelets really did cause those marks.
But you’ve seen the bruises on her legs, how she got so caught up in the music that she physically hurt herself. She called it adrenaline, but you suspect the music either numbs the pain or helps her release it. Either way, not that healthy, so you worried. In Times Square, you thought of the girl you first connected with on her tour, your boyfriend’s best girl friend. You got a little jealous at first, until you realized that she didn’t even care. Things didn’t get awkward until Selena arrived for a few days to shoot the video for “Burnin’ Up.” Selena seemed so excited to have all her friends together, and you spent tons of time together. Demi withdrew for hours at a time, sometimes with Selena, sometimes not. You and Demi’s friendship became strained and didn’t fully recover until New Year’s Eve, when you stood alongside her and the guys as Ryan Seacrest counted down the ball drop. When midnight struck, you hugged her first, whispering in her ear, “Don’t give in to the pain. It’s a new year, and things will change.” Then you joked about the awkward tension in the air, and you heard her laugh for the first time in a long time.
When Miley told you at the Grammy rehearsals six weeks later that she’s having dinner at Demi’s house once a week, you think it’s the best news you ever heard. Miley gets more friends her own age, and Demi can learn to cope with celebrity from the best. Hopefully Demi’s mom can feed everyone, since you and Miley managed to put away a whole pizza just between the two of you. When the two of you sang “Fifteen” live, you caught the sidelong glance she gave the Jonas’ section, and your heart clenched when a bittersweet smile crossed her face. Every time you sing this song you fight hard not to cry, because you are so sensitive to your friends’ pain. She rested a hand on your arm once she saw you fighting back the tears, remembering Abigail’s broken sobs after that boy shattered her, more than once. After the song, Demi and Selena stood and cheered loudly, with some of that familiar pain in their eyes also.
A few months later, during the crazy insane week in which you both had the ACMs and the “Hannah Montana” movie premiere, the two of you hung out at rehearsals and red carpet events, together again like passing ships in the night both in LA and Nashville. She flew everywhere that week, doing various press, while you stayed to do the George Strait Artist of the Decade concert. At the ACM dress rehearsals, you and Miley talked backstage for hours about everything, catching up in between events. Eventually talk wound around to Demi and Selena, and how Miley’s got a suspicion she won’t share about Demi. You didn’t press it because, seriously, you’re afraid of what you might hear. You just never know with Miley.
You love both girls, so much that it scares you, but you’re still closer to Selena. Even so, you still can’t pinpoint an exact point at which things turned with her. Maybe it always lurked behind all the other things, and you just didn’t see it until she left for Puerto Rico. You know what it’s like to go on tour and do press and not see home for months at a time. It’s lonely and hard, but you always made it through knowing that you were in the midst of living your dream, that you were finding who you were supposed to be. Selena always seemed that way also, already so in charge of her own career at such a young age. During her time there, the tweets touched you at times and made you immensely sad at others. She mentioned how much she missed you (a lot), and Demi (even more), and she talked with fans more than ever before. But the updates turned cryptic, and after that first admission of missing Demi, it felt like watching her unravel via iPhone.
Selena missed your long talks late into the night about life and love, and they began occurring with more frequency the more concerned you became. She really struggled, telling you that she was slowly losing faith in love and that she feared always remaining the best friend and never someone’s everything. You knew she had someone particular in mind, but she just didn’t want to go there yet. She desperately missed home and everyone she’d left behind, particularly you and Demi. When she came home from both Puerto Rico and Canada things got better, but there’s still a sadness behind her childlike smiles that only few really see. Just when Demi started to turn a corner, Selena came undone. But why? Part of you wonders if it’s because they need each other that much, that deeply. Love never ceases to fascinate you, in any form.
The loud chime momentarily pulls you from your thoughts. You dig your iPhone out from under another pile and see Demi’s text: “Can’t wait 2 see u! Miles says hi!” Instead of returning the text, you call her, and she answers on the first ring. “So is Miley at your house, or are you at hers?”
“We’re at her house, Tay,” Miley’s voice breaks through. You all discuss Selena’s birthday party, working out last-minute details. At the diner after the Grammy’s, Selena gushed the whole night about how much she loved the performance of “Fifteen” and all the other collaborations. Demi loved the Jonas’ performance with Stevie Wonder, and music talk continued all night. When Demi asked Selena about her seventeenth birthday, she proposed a concert of some kind with some friends. Demi called you, and the two of you took the idea and ran with it. You invited her friends there to perform her favorite songs and hang out. It’s closed to the media, so it’s gonna be a fun, long night. You’re performing “I’m Only Me When I’m With You” and “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” with Miley and Demi, a reprise of “Fifteen” with Miley, and “Fearless” (Selena’s favorite song of yours). The others are singing a lot too, though, so you’re not too stressed. Afterward you’ll all crash at Selena’s or Miley’s, and sleep for twelve hours straight, then stay in pajamas all day baking and dancing to the radio.
You stay up literally all night packing, too wired to sleep. Mom takes you to the airport late the next morning and lingers a little too long, always worried about you flying alone, especially to LA. You leave Mom at security and reassure her that you’ll do fine and yes, you’ll call when you land. You open your laptop when you finally board and randomly find Demi and Selena’s YouTube pages. You’ve never seen their videos, and what better way to pass a cross-country flight? You love seeing their interactions with fans and each other, and you notice how Selena still looked so much like a carefree little girl back then. It’s also nice to see the light in Demi’s eyes again.
“Fearless” comes up in your playlist while you watch the last of the videos. Abigail teases you for carrying your own music with you, but it’s come in handy more than once, like on the “Love Story” video set when the playback sounded like a Chipmunks remake and they used your version instead. You’re about to change songs when a lyric you wrote three years ago collides with an image you just viewed three minutes ago. You drop the iPhone with a loud crash against your laptop, waking the snoring bald guy next to you. Your brain can’t form a cohesive thought while it races around images and voices and reflections from the last year. Oh. Wow. Ohhhhhh. DAMN.
When rational thought returns, you text Miley. “U with Dem or Sel?” Miley’s reply comes instantly. “No. U here yet?”
“No. U picking me up?”
“Yep. Sel’s on set, Dem’s @ studio.”
“Can u come alone? Need 2 talk ASAP!”
Just then the captain’s voice infiltrates the cabin, announcing that you will land in thirty minutes at LAX. “Mmkay. Whn u land?”
“30 min. + bags. B @ gate C4 in 1 hr. Thnx Miles.”
You re-watch one particular clip over and over, the lyric repeating in your head, before closing the laptop and putting it away. The plane begins its final descent, and you gather your stuff as it lands and taxies the runway. When you finally deplane, you head straight for baggage claim, only to crash into an armful of chestnut curls.
“Taylor!” She laughs, and hugs you again, then pulls back to look at you more closely. “What’s wrong with you? Ya look like ya’ve seen a ghost.”
“I just...can we talk? When we get outta here?” She folds her arms across her chest and stares at you for a moment, then at the baggage carousel. “Yep, sure. Need to stop for anythin’ before we go?” You shake your head and answer, “No. Hey, you didn’t drive, did you?” You can’t resist, because she’s still the worst driver ever, even after she traded the Cayenne for the Prius. “Hahha...no,” she deadpans with a hint of a smirk. “Not at LAX. That’s just askin’ for it.” You scan the carousel and spot your bag, but Miley yanks it off with one arm and sets it at your feet before you can blink. “Ready?”
“Yeah,” you sigh and follow her through the terminal and out the doors. Immediately you’re bombarded by paparazzi, and you step back while Miley steps forward, taking your carry-on in one hand and your arm in the other. Miley’s the automatic leader among all of you with paparazzi. You and Selena both do the nervous (sometimes annoyed) smile, and Demi always meets their eyes with a big cheesy grin. By all outward appearances, Miley appears completely at ease, but only you notice how her stance changes, squaring off to exude power and control, and her eyes lose all emotion when she answers them. The car pulls up right in time, and she helps load your stuff while you slide into the backseat. You’re so lost in your thoughts that you don’t notice her beside you until the privacy screen slides up and she blurts out, “Alright, spill.”
“Remember dinner after the LA “Hannah Montana” premiere, when you kept telling me how much you love hanging out with Demi and how much she missed Lena?”
“Yeah...” she trails off with a blank expression, not really following you.
You rush on, “Well, you had a theory but wouldn’t tell me. Remember that?”
Miley pales considerably and nods, eyes avoiding yours. You demand, “Tell me.”
“Tay,” her tone conveying pain and uncertainty, “it’s complicated...”
“No, it’s not. Tell me yours, and I’ll tell you mine.”
She looks at you curiously, and you know you’ve persuaded her. “Fine, but just warnin’ ya, it’s gonna change everything,” she relents. You’re almost positive it’s what you’re thinking, but you need to hear her say it. “Taylor, I think Demi likes girls. I think she’s in love with Selena.” Her eyes nervously meet yours as she reaches for her bottled water.
“That’s what I hoped you’d say,” you sigh, relieved that you’re not crazy. Miley’s reaction, however, is the complete opposite of yours, and the water she just sipped spews everywhere. “Whoa, WHAT?!?!?”
You laugh and hand her a towel, since she’s too busy coughing up a lung. “How’dya guess that?” she chokes out.
“I oughta ask you the same thing,” you tease. “Besides, I wanna hear yours first.”
You glance out the window at the traffic flying past, then back at Miley, who suddenly finds her fidgeting hands oddly fascinating. “They’ve always been so close, ya know? I thought they were just flirts. Like that with everyone. Demi kinda is, but Sel’s not. She’s not like that with anybody else. And Demi’s just got a different personality than other girls. She doesn’t care about guys at all, and she’s always so vague about her past relationships. Some of her songs are strange, too. After I got over the whole Nick/Selena thing, and started hangin’ out with Sel again, I noticed the two of ’em together, even more than before,” Miley’s voice drops and her blue-grey eyes develop a bright sheen to them. “Demi looks at Sel like Nick used’ta look at me when we were fourteen, hell, the way he still looks at me. Totally, completely devoted.”
“So it wasn’t anything in particular?” She shakes her head, “No, Tay, just a whole buncha things that clicked and made sense.” She looks out the window, focusing on something in the distance. You see an old billboard for the premiere of “JONAS,” and your eyes narrow slightly. She shakes her head a little and turns back to you, eyes dancing.
“Alright, I gave up mine, your turn,” she smirks, curiosity lining her face.
“Okay, well, you know which of my songs is Selena’s favorite?” Her face scrunches as she tries to remember. “I know Demi’s mentioned it before, but I don’t remember.”
“Her favorite’s ‘Fearless’ and it always kinda surprised me. Why, I don’t know,” you reflect. “I know her dream date is to dance on the beach under the stars, but kissing in the rain? Anyway, so I’m on the plane and watching their old web videos...”
You trail off at the annoyance flashing in Miley’s eyes. “If you knew the trouble them stupid videos caused,” she growls. “Well, that’s your own fault. You’re the one that made a response video and got that whole thing started,” you point out, sick of the drama.
“That was Mandy’s idea, and it was supposed’ta be a joke! God!” Miley scoffed. “Well, there’s your first mistake,” you snap without thinking. Her look, incredulous and angry, makes you backpeddle. “Sorry Miles, I shouldn’t have gone there.”
“No, I...I don’t even know anymore. I’m sorry, you’re right. I loved Demi’s reaction to that whole thing. Sel gave the whole blanket professional ‘we’re all friends’ answer, but Demi’s all ‘cool, Hannah Montana knows my name!’ It was so flippin’ hilarious.”
You laugh as the car stops and Miley gets out. “So it’s not about me. Sorry for makin’ it that way. C’mon, let’s get your stuff inside and unpacked before Noah--”
The words die on her lips when Noah meets you at the front porch. “Taylor!” she squeals. You bend to hug her and lift her off the ground. “Hey Noah!” You love little kids, especially your friends’ little sisters. You go in and see Tish making something that smells amazing, and she welcomes you the same way Noah did. You hop on the kitchen counter and catch up with Tish while she finishes cheesecake swirl brownies. She loves having you around because Miley’s a disaster in the kitchen. After Noah finally goes to bed, you follow Miley to her room. “Now, what we were talkin’ ’bout,” Miley says while shutting the door. “You’re killin’ me, Swift. Finish what ya started.”
“Well,” you laugh, “like I said, I got bored, found their YouTube site, and started watching the videos. I also kept iTunes on shuffle, and “Fearless” came up. I usually just change it, but something stood out and I saw a moment where it all made sense. You mind if I pull up one of the videos? It’s only like, two minutes in.”
Miley rolled her eyes. “Sure, whatev.” You open up the bookmarked page to Demi and Selena’s Q&A video, only the second one they ever made. You fast-forward to the part of the video you want her to see, then pause it and open iTunes, and pull up “Fearless.”
“I know you’ve heard it before,” you tell her, knowing you sound completely ridiculous. “Pay attention to the first verse.” Miley listens intently to your recorded voice filtering through the speakers. Once the song ends, you hit replay and go back to the webpage and mute the video’s sound. You pause them both and catch Miley’s eye.
“Listen to this last part of the first verse again while watching the video. Tell me what you see.” You hit play and listen to yourself sing about your first date while Demi tells Selena that she wants to live in all over the world and have tons of mansions everywhere. Demi ruffles her hair onscreen and rests her arm on Selena’s shoulder, and her eyes cut down to Selena’s lips a couple of times just as the lyric, “you run your hands through your hair, absentmindedly making me want you,” plays in the background. Selena jumps so slightly that you have to look to notice it, and then she awkwardly changes the subject. You pause them both again, then turn to gauge Miley’s reaction. Predictably, her eyes go wide, even though it’s not exactly news to her.
“Holy crap, Tay,” she murmurs, turning back to you, and you can practically see the wheels turning. “I always thought Demi just liked her, but now...I remember her tweets from Canada, how she called ‘You Belong to Me’ the story of her life and how she related a little too well to ‘One of the Boys’. I mean...” Miley still can’t wrap her brain around Selena crushing on Demi, but really, it’s the only thing that makes sense.
“We always wrote it off as them being close. Demi’s never said anything about liking girls, or Selena, right?” You ask, already knowing the answer, but you want to make sure.
“Yep, she told me and she’s going on ‘Ellen’ next week to tell the world,” Miley snapped, dripping in sarcasm. Your scathing look stopped Miley in her tracks. “Sorry, I hardly slept this week, flying back and forth from Georgia to LA and all. It’s late, and we rehearse in the morning,” she yawned. “I’m goin’ to bed. Want me to make up my guest room real quick?”
“No, it’s just easier if I sleep here tonight,” you call out while unpacking your pajamas. “I’d just need to move out again for them tomorrow anyway.”
“Cool, we’ll share the bed, then. Just don’t fall out on me, alright?” She laughs and you scowl at first, but eventually grin right back. One time, and she just can’t let it go. She rambles, “I just know you need to rest. You’re tourin’ and you always write or edit videos instead of nap, so I know you’re not sleepin’ enough.”
“Yeah, well,” you shrug off her mothering, and the way she’s reminding you so much of Tish right now. “It can’t be any worse than when we stayed on the guys’ bus overnight.”
Miley groans, “Aw crap, don’t even. I changed my sheets in the last century.” With that she leaves to prepare for bed, leaving you to do the same. Falling asleep on the other side of Miley’s huge bed, you reflect on the day’s discoveries. It changes everything and nothing, and you know tomorrow’s rehearsal with Demi will be interesting, indeed.
Pairing: Demi Lovato/Selena Gomez
POV: Taylor Swift
Rating/Word Count: PG-13/3940
Disclaimer/Warning: I do not own either Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus, Demi Lovato, or Selena Gomez, and none of the portrayed events should be taken as fact. They are fiction and never actually happened. No matter how much I wish they did. Other disclaimers are at my journal. This is a RPF femslash story, meaning about real people and two girls in a romantic relationship context. If either or both of those things bother you, this is not the story for you. Rating for mentions of self-harm.
A/N: This is a reposting from my journal, where it was originally posted and from where I'm transferring all my fic. If we are friends, then you can still read it here. This chapter is more setup for the rest of the fic, but it's really easy for me to write Taylor, so I had a lot of fun with this. Once again, please be honest. There are some grammatical mistakes, but usually to emphasize dialogue, particularly with Miley and the Cyrus family. The story title is from the first lyric of "True Love" by Phil Wickham, and chapter titles are from "About A Girl" by The Academy Is. Huge thank you to arkeis for helping beta this thing, letscall_l for the inspiration to get off my ass and get it done, xcinamonx for introducing me to Picnik (where I made the story pictures), and everyone over at demi_selena for your encouragement and support.
Summary: Miley and Taylor work with Demi to pull off a surprise concert for Selena's seventeenth birthday while also trying to push Demi and Selena toward each other.
I'm Not In Love, 1/5
You hate this part of touring and traveling most. Your room in Hendersonville always looks like the closet exploded, and more than once you’ve lost Indie only to hear her hiss at you from under a pile of sundresses or jeans. Back home less than two days, and already you’re packing for LA. You dropped a couple festivals originally scheduled after the Canada leg to get this five-day break. The tour’s amazing, yet exhausting. Kellie’s opening for you and it’s the ultimate cross-country road trip, especially when Abigail met you in LA, and you saw Miley and Selena at the much-anticipated Staples Center show. Bringing out John Mayer just absolutely made the whole night, and it was one huge party both backstage and onstage. Everyone hung out together at IHOP until dawn, when you needed to leave to make Vegas. You said good-bye to Selena (she was flying back to Vancouver on Sunday) and Miley, then Abigail hopped on the bus and you, her, and Kellie hit the road, singing “Waking Up in Vegas” at the top of your lungs.
You wanted this break in LA for Selena’s 17th birthday, and there’s already another break planned into the tour around the time of Demi’s birthday, a month from now. You suggested a combined birthday party, since they do everything else together anyway, but Demi wanted to give Selena her own special birthday. Their bond is incredible, best friends since age seven after meeting at a “Barney” audition. Everyone knows that you and Abigail are best friends, and that you’re close with Miley and Kellie and even Selena, but you’ll never have the bond Selena and Demi do with anyone. Your friendship with them is different, because in many ways you forget that you’re older than them. Abigail’s your age, Kellie is like the older sister you never had, and Miley...well, Ryan Seacrest said it best at the Grammy’s, that Miley acts so much older. Then again, she thinks he’s the creepiest guy alive, so whatever. It’s easy to forget that she’s Demi and Selena’s same age. You always forget that all three are only sixteen.
Demi and Selena stay so physically close it’s insane. You remember one night in particular on the last Jonas tour when you flew out to perform for a few days, back when you and Joe dated. Everyone stayed up way too late playing Guitar Hero, Truth or Dare, and Chubby Bunny, and no one wanted to go back to the hotels or their own buses. The guys slept in the kitchen (Joe slept on the table) and gave the girls the beds. Miley took Nick’s bed, you took Joe’s, and they offered to share Kevin’s. Even after the guys went to sleep, the four of you stayed up talking about nothing and everything for hours. Some conversations are easier in the dark.
Going to LA’s always fun, but many times you leave with a bittersweet sadness. You worried about Miley constantly for a good six months, afraid she’d snap while her life seemingly fell at her feet. You’re still incredibly proud of how she emerged from it all, without spiraling out of control, even if sometimes you miss her carefree innocence. There’s a harshness she didn’t possess before, almost like she’s used to disappointing everyone, or used to everyone disappointing her. Maybe both. She seems okay now, all things considered, after repairing her friendships and gaining new ones. A good thing, because straddling the chasm between your friends grew old quickly.
But there’s always another problem lurking under the surface, someone else to worry about. This time it’s both Selena and Demi, who you’ve only recently connected with. Something just seems...off. Not like Miley (whose problems consistently made front-page headlines), but the light behind Demi’s eyes disappeared recently, and Selena’s withdrawing from everyone. They’re sixteen, nearly seventeen, achieved everything they ever wanted, and yet you knew it wasn’t enough. Demi didn’t possess your and Miley’s drive, or Selena’s ability to let everything roll off her back (publicly, at least). She’s slightly emo under the surface, and clearly it’s showed through more than ever recently. When you saw a story just days before New Years’ about Demi showing up with marks on her wrist, your stomach fell to your feet and you cried. Gut-wrenching sobs, desperately clinging to the hope that bracelets really did cause those marks.
But you’ve seen the bruises on her legs, how she got so caught up in the music that she physically hurt herself. She called it adrenaline, but you suspect the music either numbs the pain or helps her release it. Either way, not that healthy, so you worried. In Times Square, you thought of the girl you first connected with on her tour, your boyfriend’s best girl friend. You got a little jealous at first, until you realized that she didn’t even care. Things didn’t get awkward until Selena arrived for a few days to shoot the video for “Burnin’ Up.” Selena seemed so excited to have all her friends together, and you spent tons of time together. Demi withdrew for hours at a time, sometimes with Selena, sometimes not. You and Demi’s friendship became strained and didn’t fully recover until New Year’s Eve, when you stood alongside her and the guys as Ryan Seacrest counted down the ball drop. When midnight struck, you hugged her first, whispering in her ear, “Don’t give in to the pain. It’s a new year, and things will change.” Then you joked about the awkward tension in the air, and you heard her laugh for the first time in a long time.
When Miley told you at the Grammy rehearsals six weeks later that she’s having dinner at Demi’s house once a week, you think it’s the best news you ever heard. Miley gets more friends her own age, and Demi can learn to cope with celebrity from the best. Hopefully Demi’s mom can feed everyone, since you and Miley managed to put away a whole pizza just between the two of you. When the two of you sang “Fifteen” live, you caught the sidelong glance she gave the Jonas’ section, and your heart clenched when a bittersweet smile crossed her face. Every time you sing this song you fight hard not to cry, because you are so sensitive to your friends’ pain. She rested a hand on your arm once she saw you fighting back the tears, remembering Abigail’s broken sobs after that boy shattered her, more than once. After the song, Demi and Selena stood and cheered loudly, with some of that familiar pain in their eyes also.
A few months later, during the crazy insane week in which you both had the ACMs and the “Hannah Montana” movie premiere, the two of you hung out at rehearsals and red carpet events, together again like passing ships in the night both in LA and Nashville. She flew everywhere that week, doing various press, while you stayed to do the George Strait Artist of the Decade concert. At the ACM dress rehearsals, you and Miley talked backstage for hours about everything, catching up in between events. Eventually talk wound around to Demi and Selena, and how Miley’s got a suspicion she won’t share about Demi. You didn’t press it because, seriously, you’re afraid of what you might hear. You just never know with Miley.
You love both girls, so much that it scares you, but you’re still closer to Selena. Even so, you still can’t pinpoint an exact point at which things turned with her. Maybe it always lurked behind all the other things, and you just didn’t see it until she left for Puerto Rico. You know what it’s like to go on tour and do press and not see home for months at a time. It’s lonely and hard, but you always made it through knowing that you were in the midst of living your dream, that you were finding who you were supposed to be. Selena always seemed that way also, already so in charge of her own career at such a young age. During her time there, the tweets touched you at times and made you immensely sad at others. She mentioned how much she missed you (a lot), and Demi (even more), and she talked with fans more than ever before. But the updates turned cryptic, and after that first admission of missing Demi, it felt like watching her unravel via iPhone.
Selena missed your long talks late into the night about life and love, and they began occurring with more frequency the more concerned you became. She really struggled, telling you that she was slowly losing faith in love and that she feared always remaining the best friend and never someone’s everything. You knew she had someone particular in mind, but she just didn’t want to go there yet. She desperately missed home and everyone she’d left behind, particularly you and Demi. When she came home from both Puerto Rico and Canada things got better, but there’s still a sadness behind her childlike smiles that only few really see. Just when Demi started to turn a corner, Selena came undone. But why? Part of you wonders if it’s because they need each other that much, that deeply. Love never ceases to fascinate you, in any form.
The loud chime momentarily pulls you from your thoughts. You dig your iPhone out from under another pile and see Demi’s text: “Can’t wait 2 see u! Miles says hi!” Instead of returning the text, you call her, and she answers on the first ring. “So is Miley at your house, or are you at hers?”
“We’re at her house, Tay,” Miley’s voice breaks through. You all discuss Selena’s birthday party, working out last-minute details. At the diner after the Grammy’s, Selena gushed the whole night about how much she loved the performance of “Fifteen” and all the other collaborations. Demi loved the Jonas’ performance with Stevie Wonder, and music talk continued all night. When Demi asked Selena about her seventeenth birthday, she proposed a concert of some kind with some friends. Demi called you, and the two of you took the idea and ran with it. You invited her friends there to perform her favorite songs and hang out. It’s closed to the media, so it’s gonna be a fun, long night. You’re performing “I’m Only Me When I’m With You” and “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” with Miley and Demi, a reprise of “Fifteen” with Miley, and “Fearless” (Selena’s favorite song of yours). The others are singing a lot too, though, so you’re not too stressed. Afterward you’ll all crash at Selena’s or Miley’s, and sleep for twelve hours straight, then stay in pajamas all day baking and dancing to the radio.
You stay up literally all night packing, too wired to sleep. Mom takes you to the airport late the next morning and lingers a little too long, always worried about you flying alone, especially to LA. You leave Mom at security and reassure her that you’ll do fine and yes, you’ll call when you land. You open your laptop when you finally board and randomly find Demi and Selena’s YouTube pages. You’ve never seen their videos, and what better way to pass a cross-country flight? You love seeing their interactions with fans and each other, and you notice how Selena still looked so much like a carefree little girl back then. It’s also nice to see the light in Demi’s eyes again.
“Fearless” comes up in your playlist while you watch the last of the videos. Abigail teases you for carrying your own music with you, but it’s come in handy more than once, like on the “Love Story” video set when the playback sounded like a Chipmunks remake and they used your version instead. You’re about to change songs when a lyric you wrote three years ago collides with an image you just viewed three minutes ago. You drop the iPhone with a loud crash against your laptop, waking the snoring bald guy next to you. Your brain can’t form a cohesive thought while it races around images and voices and reflections from the last year. Oh. Wow. Ohhhhhh. DAMN.
When rational thought returns, you text Miley. “U with Dem or Sel?” Miley’s reply comes instantly. “No. U here yet?”
“No. U picking me up?”
“Yep. Sel’s on set, Dem’s @ studio.”
“Can u come alone? Need 2 talk ASAP!”
Just then the captain’s voice infiltrates the cabin, announcing that you will land in thirty minutes at LAX. “Mmkay. Whn u land?”
“30 min. + bags. B @ gate C4 in 1 hr. Thnx Miles.”
You re-watch one particular clip over and over, the lyric repeating in your head, before closing the laptop and putting it away. The plane begins its final descent, and you gather your stuff as it lands and taxies the runway. When you finally deplane, you head straight for baggage claim, only to crash into an armful of chestnut curls.
“Taylor!” She laughs, and hugs you again, then pulls back to look at you more closely. “What’s wrong with you? Ya look like ya’ve seen a ghost.”
“I just...can we talk? When we get outta here?” She folds her arms across her chest and stares at you for a moment, then at the baggage carousel. “Yep, sure. Need to stop for anythin’ before we go?” You shake your head and answer, “No. Hey, you didn’t drive, did you?” You can’t resist, because she’s still the worst driver ever, even after she traded the Cayenne for the Prius. “Hahha...no,” she deadpans with a hint of a smirk. “Not at LAX. That’s just askin’ for it.” You scan the carousel and spot your bag, but Miley yanks it off with one arm and sets it at your feet before you can blink. “Ready?”
“Yeah,” you sigh and follow her through the terminal and out the doors. Immediately you’re bombarded by paparazzi, and you step back while Miley steps forward, taking your carry-on in one hand and your arm in the other. Miley’s the automatic leader among all of you with paparazzi. You and Selena both do the nervous (sometimes annoyed) smile, and Demi always meets their eyes with a big cheesy grin. By all outward appearances, Miley appears completely at ease, but only you notice how her stance changes, squaring off to exude power and control, and her eyes lose all emotion when she answers them. The car pulls up right in time, and she helps load your stuff while you slide into the backseat. You’re so lost in your thoughts that you don’t notice her beside you until the privacy screen slides up and she blurts out, “Alright, spill.”
“Remember dinner after the LA “Hannah Montana” premiere, when you kept telling me how much you love hanging out with Demi and how much she missed Lena?”
“Yeah...” she trails off with a blank expression, not really following you.
You rush on, “Well, you had a theory but wouldn’t tell me. Remember that?”
Miley pales considerably and nods, eyes avoiding yours. You demand, “Tell me.”
“Tay,” her tone conveying pain and uncertainty, “it’s complicated...”
“No, it’s not. Tell me yours, and I’ll tell you mine.”
She looks at you curiously, and you know you’ve persuaded her. “Fine, but just warnin’ ya, it’s gonna change everything,” she relents. You’re almost positive it’s what you’re thinking, but you need to hear her say it. “Taylor, I think Demi likes girls. I think she’s in love with Selena.” Her eyes nervously meet yours as she reaches for her bottled water.
“That’s what I hoped you’d say,” you sigh, relieved that you’re not crazy. Miley’s reaction, however, is the complete opposite of yours, and the water she just sipped spews everywhere. “Whoa, WHAT?!?!?”
You laugh and hand her a towel, since she’s too busy coughing up a lung. “How’dya guess that?” she chokes out.
“I oughta ask you the same thing,” you tease. “Besides, I wanna hear yours first.”
You glance out the window at the traffic flying past, then back at Miley, who suddenly finds her fidgeting hands oddly fascinating. “They’ve always been so close, ya know? I thought they were just flirts. Like that with everyone. Demi kinda is, but Sel’s not. She’s not like that with anybody else. And Demi’s just got a different personality than other girls. She doesn’t care about guys at all, and she’s always so vague about her past relationships. Some of her songs are strange, too. After I got over the whole Nick/Selena thing, and started hangin’ out with Sel again, I noticed the two of ’em together, even more than before,” Miley’s voice drops and her blue-grey eyes develop a bright sheen to them. “Demi looks at Sel like Nick used’ta look at me when we were fourteen, hell, the way he still looks at me. Totally, completely devoted.”
“So it wasn’t anything in particular?” She shakes her head, “No, Tay, just a whole buncha things that clicked and made sense.” She looks out the window, focusing on something in the distance. You see an old billboard for the premiere of “JONAS,” and your eyes narrow slightly. She shakes her head a little and turns back to you, eyes dancing.
“Alright, I gave up mine, your turn,” she smirks, curiosity lining her face.
“Okay, well, you know which of my songs is Selena’s favorite?” Her face scrunches as she tries to remember. “I know Demi’s mentioned it before, but I don’t remember.”
“Her favorite’s ‘Fearless’ and it always kinda surprised me. Why, I don’t know,” you reflect. “I know her dream date is to dance on the beach under the stars, but kissing in the rain? Anyway, so I’m on the plane and watching their old web videos...”
You trail off at the annoyance flashing in Miley’s eyes. “If you knew the trouble them stupid videos caused,” she growls. “Well, that’s your own fault. You’re the one that made a response video and got that whole thing started,” you point out, sick of the drama.
“That was Mandy’s idea, and it was supposed’ta be a joke! God!” Miley scoffed. “Well, there’s your first mistake,” you snap without thinking. Her look, incredulous and angry, makes you backpeddle. “Sorry Miles, I shouldn’t have gone there.”
“No, I...I don’t even know anymore. I’m sorry, you’re right. I loved Demi’s reaction to that whole thing. Sel gave the whole blanket professional ‘we’re all friends’ answer, but Demi’s all ‘cool, Hannah Montana knows my name!’ It was so flippin’ hilarious.”
You laugh as the car stops and Miley gets out. “So it’s not about me. Sorry for makin’ it that way. C’mon, let’s get your stuff inside and unpacked before Noah--”
The words die on her lips when Noah meets you at the front porch. “Taylor!” she squeals. You bend to hug her and lift her off the ground. “Hey Noah!” You love little kids, especially your friends’ little sisters. You go in and see Tish making something that smells amazing, and she welcomes you the same way Noah did. You hop on the kitchen counter and catch up with Tish while she finishes cheesecake swirl brownies. She loves having you around because Miley’s a disaster in the kitchen. After Noah finally goes to bed, you follow Miley to her room. “Now, what we were talkin’ ’bout,” Miley says while shutting the door. “You’re killin’ me, Swift. Finish what ya started.”
“Well,” you laugh, “like I said, I got bored, found their YouTube site, and started watching the videos. I also kept iTunes on shuffle, and “Fearless” came up. I usually just change it, but something stood out and I saw a moment where it all made sense. You mind if I pull up one of the videos? It’s only like, two minutes in.”
Miley rolled her eyes. “Sure, whatev.” You open up the bookmarked page to Demi and Selena’s Q&A video, only the second one they ever made. You fast-forward to the part of the video you want her to see, then pause it and open iTunes, and pull up “Fearless.”
“I know you’ve heard it before,” you tell her, knowing you sound completely ridiculous. “Pay attention to the first verse.” Miley listens intently to your recorded voice filtering through the speakers. Once the song ends, you hit replay and go back to the webpage and mute the video’s sound. You pause them both and catch Miley’s eye.
“Listen to this last part of the first verse again while watching the video. Tell me what you see.” You hit play and listen to yourself sing about your first date while Demi tells Selena that she wants to live in all over the world and have tons of mansions everywhere. Demi ruffles her hair onscreen and rests her arm on Selena’s shoulder, and her eyes cut down to Selena’s lips a couple of times just as the lyric, “you run your hands through your hair, absentmindedly making me want you,” plays in the background. Selena jumps so slightly that you have to look to notice it, and then she awkwardly changes the subject. You pause them both again, then turn to gauge Miley’s reaction. Predictably, her eyes go wide, even though it’s not exactly news to her.
“Holy crap, Tay,” she murmurs, turning back to you, and you can practically see the wheels turning. “I always thought Demi just liked her, but now...I remember her tweets from Canada, how she called ‘You Belong to Me’ the story of her life and how she related a little too well to ‘One of the Boys’. I mean...” Miley still can’t wrap her brain around Selena crushing on Demi, but really, it’s the only thing that makes sense.
“We always wrote it off as them being close. Demi’s never said anything about liking girls, or Selena, right?” You ask, already knowing the answer, but you want to make sure.
“Yep, she told me and she’s going on ‘Ellen’ next week to tell the world,” Miley snapped, dripping in sarcasm. Your scathing look stopped Miley in her tracks. “Sorry, I hardly slept this week, flying back and forth from Georgia to LA and all. It’s late, and we rehearse in the morning,” she yawned. “I’m goin’ to bed. Want me to make up my guest room real quick?”
“No, it’s just easier if I sleep here tonight,” you call out while unpacking your pajamas. “I’d just need to move out again for them tomorrow anyway.”
“Cool, we’ll share the bed, then. Just don’t fall out on me, alright?” She laughs and you scowl at first, but eventually grin right back. One time, and she just can’t let it go. She rambles, “I just know you need to rest. You’re tourin’ and you always write or edit videos instead of nap, so I know you’re not sleepin’ enough.”
“Yeah, well,” you shrug off her mothering, and the way she’s reminding you so much of Tish right now. “It can’t be any worse than when we stayed on the guys’ bus overnight.”
Miley groans, “Aw crap, don’t even. I changed my sheets in the last century.” With that she leaves to prepare for bed, leaving you to do the same. Falling asleep on the other side of Miley’s huge bed, you reflect on the day’s discoveries. It changes everything and nothing, and you know tomorrow’s rehearsal with Demi will be interesting, indeed.