Just lil ole Me
I need to learn to tolerate my mistakes.
I have always been or considered my self a perfectionist. I am an odd perfectionist if you consider that I have less than perfect things surrounding me. Maybe perfectionist is too strong a word to describe me. Creative people are always making messes, sometimes the messes frustrate them and I sure know that it does me. I have always yearned for a studio where I could just leave all my creativity scattered around in wild abandon. I would be able to at any moment to turn right or left and renew my acquaintance with my long lost creativity. Old paintings would come back to life, beads and baubles would become strung or metal would be bent in shapes of wonderment.
I want those around me who wish for the same. Who encourage my quirks and celebrate my messes. My biggest challenge right now is to convince myself to come over to my side and lavish in the messes and mistakes. I know that she will fight me on this, Ms Perfect that she wishes she was. She will discuss how she wishes that she is able to keep up with it all, can’t imagine why she can’t. She is frustrated by how many things don’t get done by her hand while at work and then wishes that there was energy left to clean the messes left by her at home.
Somewhere deep in there I use to like me. I was born liking who I was. I would not think as deeply as I do today but I knew that I was cared for and nurtured. Somewhere in the midst of growing and maturing there was a time, a time that I am not even sure that I was aware that someone didn’t approve of me. They didn’t nurture that part of me that wanted to be the perfect little girl. I wanted to be smart, I wanted them to notice that I was pretty and I wanted them to care about the stories I wanted to weave.
Over the years I started to create these personalities in my head. Each one would have their own life. The life that I dreamt of created in my mind but would never get to live or so I was taught. I was a dancer, I was a horse trainer, I was a famous teacher and I was an inspiring artist with shows around the world. I was an actress with a beautiful house on the beach and I was a writer who secretly wrote nasty romance novels under a different name. I wanted to become a wild and succulent woman who wasn’t afraid of anything and could accomplish it all.
What I became was me. Just lil ole ME...
All I have left to do now is to convince me and Ms Perfect here that I like who I am even if I don’t accomplish a thing. That right there may be the biggest challenge of my life.
I have always been or considered my self a perfectionist. I am an odd perfectionist if you consider that I have less than perfect things surrounding me. Maybe perfectionist is too strong a word to describe me. Creative people are always making messes, sometimes the messes frustrate them and I sure know that it does me. I have always yearned for a studio where I could just leave all my creativity scattered around in wild abandon. I would be able to at any moment to turn right or left and renew my acquaintance with my long lost creativity. Old paintings would come back to life, beads and baubles would become strung or metal would be bent in shapes of wonderment.
I want those around me who wish for the same. Who encourage my quirks and celebrate my messes. My biggest challenge right now is to convince myself to come over to my side and lavish in the messes and mistakes. I know that she will fight me on this, Ms Perfect that she wishes she was. She will discuss how she wishes that she is able to keep up with it all, can’t imagine why she can’t. She is frustrated by how many things don’t get done by her hand while at work and then wishes that there was energy left to clean the messes left by her at home.
Somewhere deep in there I use to like me. I was born liking who I was. I would not think as deeply as I do today but I knew that I was cared for and nurtured. Somewhere in the midst of growing and maturing there was a time, a time that I am not even sure that I was aware that someone didn’t approve of me. They didn’t nurture that part of me that wanted to be the perfect little girl. I wanted to be smart, I wanted them to notice that I was pretty and I wanted them to care about the stories I wanted to weave.
Over the years I started to create these personalities in my head. Each one would have their own life. The life that I dreamt of created in my mind but would never get to live or so I was taught. I was a dancer, I was a horse trainer, I was a famous teacher and I was an inspiring artist with shows around the world. I was an actress with a beautiful house on the beach and I was a writer who secretly wrote nasty romance novels under a different name. I wanted to become a wild and succulent woman who wasn’t afraid of anything and could accomplish it all.
What I became was me. Just lil ole ME...
All I have left to do now is to convince me and Ms Perfect here that I like who I am even if I don’t accomplish a thing. That right there may be the biggest challenge of my life.