Betwixt
betwixt \bih-TWIKST\ adverb or preposition
I am betwixt a rock and a hard place. I have been imprisoned by this slowly crushing weight of a rock that has become much too heavy to bear. At this point there will be pain in my escaping. Escape, there is a choice word. I have heard it used more than once.
There is pain in my head from way too much thought.
There is pain in my heart from way too much absence.
There is pain in body from way too much stress.
There is just pain.
I am betwixt. I hate that damned if you do and damned if you don’t feeling that comes to me each time I have conversations with myself at 2am, 3am, and again at 6am. I lie in bed and talk to myself about all that I feel I can change and I pray to know the difference of that which I cannot.
Sleep evades me.
I don’t know what to do with myself. I talk to myself for there is no one else within reach. I don’t know which way to turn; I think I have gone past the point of beginning too many times before. I am scared. I am scared of having to face the pain. I feel the anxiety roll through my veins like a drug on its way to a high. These night talks transpire into bad thoughts again, lord knows I can’t make them stop but I honestly wish that I could. I shake and shiver feeling the emotions escaping as I work so desperately to contain them within.
I try to re-position the rock but much to my dismay, it will not move.
I am still betwixt.
I am betwixt a rock and a hard place. I have been imprisoned by this slowly crushing weight of a rock that has become much too heavy to bear. At this point there will be pain in my escaping. Escape, there is a choice word. I have heard it used more than once.
There is pain in my head from way too much thought.
There is pain in my heart from way too much absence.
There is pain in body from way too much stress.
There is just pain.
I am betwixt. I hate that damned if you do and damned if you don’t feeling that comes to me each time I have conversations with myself at 2am, 3am, and again at 6am. I lie in bed and talk to myself about all that I feel I can change and I pray to know the difference of that which I cannot.
Sleep evades me.
I don’t know what to do with myself. I talk to myself for there is no one else within reach. I don’t know which way to turn; I think I have gone past the point of beginning too many times before. I am scared. I am scared of having to face the pain. I feel the anxiety roll through my veins like a drug on its way to a high. These night talks transpire into bad thoughts again, lord knows I can’t make them stop but I honestly wish that I could. I shake and shiver feeling the emotions escaping as I work so desperately to contain them within.
I try to re-position the rock but much to my dismay, it will not move.
I am still betwixt.