[fic] Solace
I can't believe I'm actually posting this. *hides* I blame the f-list, it's totally their fault. <3
Title: Solace
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,558
Pairing: Hankyung/Heechul
Warning: Makes small references to Only13 drama, but still only focuses on the two of them and their relationship.
Disclaimer: I'm not affiliated with SM Entertainment. Obviously.
Notes: This is for mistakened, because if not for her this would still be a little stub on my laptop collecting dust. ♥
Summary: When everything is falling apart, the only person you can turn to is the person who knows you better than you know yourself. That is your only solace.
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You watch him out of the corner of your eyes, his body hunched over the laptop he's been glued to for the past two and a half hours. He hasn't spoken, and neither have you. The only sounds in the living room are that of his fingers typing, and the occasional turned page of the book you're pretending to read.
You wish he'd say something. Anything.
He stands up with a sigh, his back cracking as he stretches with a barely audible groan. You watch him up until the moment he turns towards you, and as you stare unseeingly at the page in front of you, you wish you had kept watching him because you suddenly want to know what kind of expression he's wearing. You want to know if he's been checking the websites you think he's been checking, and you want to know why. There are many questions you want to ask him, things you need to tell him.
Nevertheless, you continue pretending to read.
When Hankyung breaks the silence of the room, his voice is quiet and measured, and you can tell he's hiding something.
"What are you reading?"
You click your tongue as if he's annoying you - why, even you don't know. "A book." Your eyes didn't leave the page once.
"Interesting title." Hankyung is used to you by now, and he brushes your response off and replies with his own sarcastic remark just as fast. It's one of the things you love about him.
You force yourself to glance up at him, and what you see is mostly what you expected. His eyes look tired and you know that more than anything, he needs sleep, relaxation and something else you can't give him no matter how hard you try. He's wearing a tiny smile that you wish were genuine, because it’s so fake that it’s actually hurting you.
You know that he smiles for your sake, so you flash a fake smile of your own, hoping he doesn't see it for what it really is. Deep down, you know he will, though; it's Hankyung, he knows you as well as you know him.
"It's just some book Kibum lent me, kind of boring." You shrug, tossing the book to the side. "Lots of talking."
He nods, but you can tell he isn't interested in what you're saying, his mind clearly elsewhere. Usually that sort of thing would piss you off and you'd spend the next twenty minutes yelling at anyone in the vicinity before breaking something and demanding whoever is closest clean it up because really, you're the oldest and they should listen to their hyungs once in a while, shouldn't they?
This time is different.
You motion to the seat next to you and watch him as he wordlessly sits, his eyes facing forward. It takes you all of two minutes to finally get tired of his sulking and decide not to stay silent anymore. Subtlety has never been your strong point, you know it and he knows it, so neither of you are shocked when your next words spill out unchecked and in a tone betraying the weight of the situation, if only to make things less awkward for you. It’s who you are and he’s known it since day one; no apologies are ever necessary.
“I see you’re letting all of the negative bullshit get to you again.” You let out a long-suffering sigh. “That's stupid of you.”
He glances at you and lets his head fall back against the top of the couch wordlessly. You don’t know what to say, so you watch him some more.
Finally he speaks, probably only because he’s tired of your wide-eyed gaze, or maybe because he needs to say what he’s thinking before the burden of it all collapses in on himself. Not really caring about why he‘s decided to open up, you scoot a bit closer and lean towards him.
“I’ve been reading things about a boycott, not only of the new sub-unit, but Super Junior as a whole and I think...” Hankyung stops, his eyes closing as he brings a hand up to rub at his eyes, a clear sign of his frustration. He lets his hand drop to his side and opens his eyes to look up at the ceiling. “I don’t know what I think. Sometimes I wonder if the group is just better off without all of this.”
“So you’re giving up?”
Hankyung looks at you, his face is stony but his eyes show just how lost he feels at that moment.
“You know I don’t have a choice in this, Heechul. I’m going and there’s nothing I can do about-”
“I’m not asking if you’re not going to China, you idiot.” You raise your voice a bit and shove him softly, trying to bring some normalcy into this all-too serious conversation you’re suddenly having with him. “I’m asking if you’re giving up on that whole ‘wanting to debut in China’ thing."
You look him in the eyes, your tone quickly becoming heavy. "Because if you decide you don't want to do it anymore, you’re kind of just pissing all over that dream of yours, aren’t you?”
He stares at you for a few moments, looking as if he’s deeply contemplating something. You hold his gaze, not backing down one bit.
“I’m not giving up on anything,” he answers coolly, his eyes never leaving yours. “I just don’t think it’s alright for me to go over there with no worries at all, okay? Come on Heechul, how selfish is that?”
“Well then, be selfish.” You shrug, your answer automatic and easy. “You deserve it, I think.”
“And I’ve never been a leader before, not like this.”
“It’s a good thing you’re a fast learner.”
“And what if the fans boycott?”
“They’ll get over it.”
He hits the couch in frustration, breaking eye contact with you as his head jerks down in time with his closed fist. When he looks at you again, his eyebrows are knit together and his mouth is twisted into a frown. “Damn it Heechul, are you even listening to me? It isn‘t that simple.”
This is why you hate it when he reads the messages from fans against the new sub-unit. He gets uncharacteristically bitchy and horribly depressed and it usually goes on for hours at a time. You’ve told him to stop but he never listens, never disregards their relentless discouraging like he should. He’s too sensitive sometimes.
It’s just another thing you love about him, and you hate it.
He takes a deep, calming breath before he leans forward a bit and looks you straight in the eye. “What if it doesn’t work out?”
At that moment, as you look at him and see the vulnerability that hides beneath all of the experience and talent, a small, rather nasty part of you almost wants to encourage his negative train of thought. It wants Hankyung to go to China with doubt, it wants the group to do worse than expected and it wants Hankyung to come back to Korea, back to you, wounded and in need of your attention.
You quickly push that part of you as far down as it will go.
Weeks later, when he’s in China, happy and successful and far too busy to answer your calls, and you stare at your bearded face in the mirror when everything seems dull and pointless without him, that small part of you will make you wonder why you encouraged him. It’ll make you hate yourself and maybe hate him, if only a little bit, for leaving with a smile.
But it’s not time for that yet.
So you scoot towards him, closing the small amount of space between the two of you and lean your face into his until your lips are mere inches apart. You bring your hands up to cradle the sides of his face, closing your eyes as you lean your forehead against his.
“It‘ll work out, Hannie. You’re going to go over there, kick ass, make everyone in China your bitch,” You feel him exhale against your mouth in what may be a soft laugh. “And then you’ll come back to me in one piece. Understood?”
He nods and you smile. This time, the smile is true and full of all the words you‘ll never say to him because you‘re too proud and maybe just a little bit too stupid. You kiss him twice, once on the mouth and once on the forehead.
He leaves two and a half weeks later.
When he comes back to Korea for Dream Concert, his smile is brighter and he's carrying himself with more confidence than you ever remember him possessing before he became Leader Han Geng. You find yourself momentarily thrown. Within moments, the bitterness you’ve been plagued with leaves you, if only for a little while, because he’s back and in front of you and all you can do is stare.
That is, before you step forward and throw your arms around him. You feel like an overemotional sap, but for once you don’t care. You laugh for no reason and you kiss his neck before uttering the words “I told you so.” into his ear.
He pulls away and smiles at you. It's real, finally.
You smile back.
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Okay, comments are really appreciated - this is my first actual full-length SuJu fic, so letting me know if I failed or not would help. :D ♥ concrit is also loved! Thank you for reading~
Title: Solace
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,558
Pairing: Hankyung/Heechul
Warning: Makes small references to Only13 drama, but still only focuses on the two of them and their relationship.
Disclaimer: I'm not affiliated with SM Entertainment. Obviously.
Notes: This is for mistakened, because if not for her this would still be a little stub on my laptop collecting dust. ♥
Summary: When everything is falling apart, the only person you can turn to is the person who knows you better than you know yourself. That is your only solace.
-------------------------
You watch him out of the corner of your eyes, his body hunched over the laptop he's been glued to for the past two and a half hours. He hasn't spoken, and neither have you. The only sounds in the living room are that of his fingers typing, and the occasional turned page of the book you're pretending to read.
You wish he'd say something. Anything.
He stands up with a sigh, his back cracking as he stretches with a barely audible groan. You watch him up until the moment he turns towards you, and as you stare unseeingly at the page in front of you, you wish you had kept watching him because you suddenly want to know what kind of expression he's wearing. You want to know if he's been checking the websites you think he's been checking, and you want to know why. There are many questions you want to ask him, things you need to tell him.
Nevertheless, you continue pretending to read.
When Hankyung breaks the silence of the room, his voice is quiet and measured, and you can tell he's hiding something.
"What are you reading?"
You click your tongue as if he's annoying you - why, even you don't know. "A book." Your eyes didn't leave the page once.
"Interesting title." Hankyung is used to you by now, and he brushes your response off and replies with his own sarcastic remark just as fast. It's one of the things you love about him.
You force yourself to glance up at him, and what you see is mostly what you expected. His eyes look tired and you know that more than anything, he needs sleep, relaxation and something else you can't give him no matter how hard you try. He's wearing a tiny smile that you wish were genuine, because it’s so fake that it’s actually hurting you.
You know that he smiles for your sake, so you flash a fake smile of your own, hoping he doesn't see it for what it really is. Deep down, you know he will, though; it's Hankyung, he knows you as well as you know him.
"It's just some book Kibum lent me, kind of boring." You shrug, tossing the book to the side. "Lots of talking."
He nods, but you can tell he isn't interested in what you're saying, his mind clearly elsewhere. Usually that sort of thing would piss you off and you'd spend the next twenty minutes yelling at anyone in the vicinity before breaking something and demanding whoever is closest clean it up because really, you're the oldest and they should listen to their hyungs once in a while, shouldn't they?
This time is different.
You motion to the seat next to you and watch him as he wordlessly sits, his eyes facing forward. It takes you all of two minutes to finally get tired of his sulking and decide not to stay silent anymore. Subtlety has never been your strong point, you know it and he knows it, so neither of you are shocked when your next words spill out unchecked and in a tone betraying the weight of the situation, if only to make things less awkward for you. It’s who you are and he’s known it since day one; no apologies are ever necessary.
“I see you’re letting all of the negative bullshit get to you again.” You let out a long-suffering sigh. “That's stupid of you.”
He glances at you and lets his head fall back against the top of the couch wordlessly. You don’t know what to say, so you watch him some more.
Finally he speaks, probably only because he’s tired of your wide-eyed gaze, or maybe because he needs to say what he’s thinking before the burden of it all collapses in on himself. Not really caring about why he‘s decided to open up, you scoot a bit closer and lean towards him.
“I’ve been reading things about a boycott, not only of the new sub-unit, but Super Junior as a whole and I think...” Hankyung stops, his eyes closing as he brings a hand up to rub at his eyes, a clear sign of his frustration. He lets his hand drop to his side and opens his eyes to look up at the ceiling. “I don’t know what I think. Sometimes I wonder if the group is just better off without all of this.”
“So you’re giving up?”
Hankyung looks at you, his face is stony but his eyes show just how lost he feels at that moment.
“You know I don’t have a choice in this, Heechul. I’m going and there’s nothing I can do about-”
“I’m not asking if you’re not going to China, you idiot.” You raise your voice a bit and shove him softly, trying to bring some normalcy into this all-too serious conversation you’re suddenly having with him. “I’m asking if you’re giving up on that whole ‘wanting to debut in China’ thing."
You look him in the eyes, your tone quickly becoming heavy. "Because if you decide you don't want to do it anymore, you’re kind of just pissing all over that dream of yours, aren’t you?”
He stares at you for a few moments, looking as if he’s deeply contemplating something. You hold his gaze, not backing down one bit.
“I’m not giving up on anything,” he answers coolly, his eyes never leaving yours. “I just don’t think it’s alright for me to go over there with no worries at all, okay? Come on Heechul, how selfish is that?”
“Well then, be selfish.” You shrug, your answer automatic and easy. “You deserve it, I think.”
“And I’ve never been a leader before, not like this.”
“It’s a good thing you’re a fast learner.”
“And what if the fans boycott?”
“They’ll get over it.”
He hits the couch in frustration, breaking eye contact with you as his head jerks down in time with his closed fist. When he looks at you again, his eyebrows are knit together and his mouth is twisted into a frown. “Damn it Heechul, are you even listening to me? It isn‘t that simple.”
This is why you hate it when he reads the messages from fans against the new sub-unit. He gets uncharacteristically bitchy and horribly depressed and it usually goes on for hours at a time. You’ve told him to stop but he never listens, never disregards their relentless discouraging like he should. He’s too sensitive sometimes.
It’s just another thing you love about him, and you hate it.
He takes a deep, calming breath before he leans forward a bit and looks you straight in the eye. “What if it doesn’t work out?”
At that moment, as you look at him and see the vulnerability that hides beneath all of the experience and talent, a small, rather nasty part of you almost wants to encourage his negative train of thought. It wants Hankyung to go to China with doubt, it wants the group to do worse than expected and it wants Hankyung to come back to Korea, back to you, wounded and in need of your attention.
You quickly push that part of you as far down as it will go.
Weeks later, when he’s in China, happy and successful and far too busy to answer your calls, and you stare at your bearded face in the mirror when everything seems dull and pointless without him, that small part of you will make you wonder why you encouraged him. It’ll make you hate yourself and maybe hate him, if only a little bit, for leaving with a smile.
But it’s not time for that yet.
So you scoot towards him, closing the small amount of space between the two of you and lean your face into his until your lips are mere inches apart. You bring your hands up to cradle the sides of his face, closing your eyes as you lean your forehead against his.
“It‘ll work out, Hannie. You’re going to go over there, kick ass, make everyone in China your bitch,” You feel him exhale against your mouth in what may be a soft laugh. “And then you’ll come back to me in one piece. Understood?”
He nods and you smile. This time, the smile is true and full of all the words you‘ll never say to him because you‘re too proud and maybe just a little bit too stupid. You kiss him twice, once on the mouth and once on the forehead.
He leaves two and a half weeks later.
When he comes back to Korea for Dream Concert, his smile is brighter and he's carrying himself with more confidence than you ever remember him possessing before he became Leader Han Geng. You find yourself momentarily thrown. Within moments, the bitterness you’ve been plagued with leaves you, if only for a little while, because he’s back and in front of you and all you can do is stare.
That is, before you step forward and throw your arms around him. You feel like an overemotional sap, but for once you don’t care. You laugh for no reason and you kiss his neck before uttering the words “I told you so.” into his ear.
He pulls away and smiles at you. It's real, finally.
You smile back.
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Okay, comments are really appreciated - this is my first actual full-length SuJu fic, so letting me know if I failed or not would help. :D ♥ concrit is also loved! Thank you for reading~