Happy Birthday. . . .
I FEEL LIKE I HAVE NO ONE!!!!!!!!!!! you wanna talk about feeling alone and frustrated. My life has been hell for the past 3 months. I feel like an idiot and im soooo tired I don't wanna deal w/ anyone or anything. I know my friends say that they feel like they understand how I feel and I know that they are there for me. but Im not even here for me. I have been putting on my happy face for sooo long I don't even know wut the real thing looks like. I wish my problem was a crush or a guys nope never that simple anymore. lets see . . . feeling worthless, unimportant, an annoyance, empty, cold, sad, lonely, confused, crazy, wrong,. . . ohhh the list goes on. This my friends is a self loathing entry. Certain people in my life and some who were once in my life have changed me. I have been told soooo many times to forgive and look on the positive side. . . . the positive side of what may I ask?! No matter how I change to try and please people its NEVER enough and now I feel like I cant even find who I was before I ever listened to them. Biggest mistake of my life. Lets see. . . . well I have like no best friends at the moment. Blake? nahhh couldn't stand me anymore (Pete," He's the same old Blake") hmmm yeahhh no just not to me hahaha funny right. Patrick is a stranger and Kim well I just don't know anymore ohh and jenn is in there too. The value of friendship doesn't seem to mean as much to other people. Maybe I just care too much (that's prob. it). its my 19th b day and well at the moment I wish I was never born at all. Im not seeing Green Day AGAIN . . . figures. Alison seems to be not talking to me and well I really don't know y. Im gonna fail math (and I cant afford to). My grandpa's dying and I wonder if my own dad will even remember my birthday. Maybe I was wrong today. Sometimes you just wanna hold your breath until u cant feel anymore. Im done w/ all my mistakes . . . ill leave w/ a question that I asked mel tonight "When do you stop forgiving?" maybe when everyone takes each part of whatever is left of your soul and personality. . . . and there ok and fine and ur left a shell of the person u once where?