(no subject)
thirty and flirty and thriving. the rigaults' copy of 13 going on 30 is a major distraction for someone who is trying to write a really great blog entry. i do feel as though i owe it to everyone at home to write something really spectacular, if not overwhelmingly beautiful than at least somewhat interesting with a tinge of excitement. i will do my best.
my hands have stopped knowing exactly how to write english words. the keyboard and my fingers aren't the good friends they used to be. i structure entire sentences and then go back to read them only to find i've misspelled more words than are written correctly and that certain things just aren't even quite english. for example i just now started to write "sertin" instead of certain. phonetic understanding comes to the surface of my mind and anything deeper is too much of a task.
i've discovered something at the library which is more exciting than the english language section (which can only get me so far, as it's all fiction): biblioteca yamaguchi has a wonderful cd selection, quite eclectic as far as music goes, and so far i'm really scoring big time. my new absolute favorite band of all time is a group called mercromina and if i had enough time and cd-rs i would burn their album "from the tallest mountain in the world" (desde la montaña mas alta del mundo) for everyone i know and send it to you. it is so fantastic, it takes me to places i never knew existed, and if i had to describe them i'd say smashing pumpkins, sigur rös, mogwai, broken social scene, yo la tengo, radiohead, and múm all rolled into one ought to give an accurate impression. but, in spanish. i can't even speak on it. i am just so happy about their music.
i found my résumé sitting here next to the computer, i think it just got pulled out of a pile of random scratch paperwork under the desk, but it's interesting to look at it and see my work history. i haven't been working a "real job" in so long, nor have i been looking for one, that i had forgotten some of the stuff that i've done. an international exchange program community development worker, an overnight supervisor for a homeless youth shelter, various positions at the gap, and a bunch of stuff working with kids and people with hiv/aids (seperate jobs, of course). what a strange life. add to that hostessing at squatters and i'm a real jill of all trades. it makes me wonder what on earth i would have kept doing with my life if i hadn't have gotten this job in spain. because now, of course, i have an idea, if not about my life as a whole then at least about the next year or so. and it makes me once again realize how awesome it's going to be to do what i'm going to do. and i can't wait.
on sunday i met kim and jessica (who rar has already nicknamed "yess" because "yessica" i guess is too long for her) for coffee, which ended up not looking so much like coffee and really bearing a striking resemblance to beer. and then it was more beer, and more. because kim wanted to drink wine (as always) and wanted "company", which translates to she just kept buying me beer. and i thought i was okay but suddenly i found myself really really drunk, and at mcdonald's. and really drunk. i managed to say "estan borrachas!!!! ja ja ja!" and kim abruptly corrected me with "ESTAMOS, emily". it was...interesting. normally i only drink when, for example, i'm at home watching dawson's creek (soon to be gilmore girls because i finished the entire DC series!), and now i remember why.
the really crazy thing was coming home to a house full of rar and arturo's friends, who had arrived at about 2, and now (at 9:30) were just beginning to leave. everyone was wasted. i mean, good wasted. grown up wasted. they'd been having dinner in the downstairs living room/dining room ("mine") which is the room i have to walk through to get to my room, so i went into my room to put my stuff down (walking past all the people in the living room), and i came back out and some lady said (in spanish) "oooh! have you been in your room this WHOLE time??!!" like she felt terrible i hadn't come out all day! and i was like, no! i just came home! and i wanted to say "yes, sagrario just took the chains off my door. can i get you anything, massa?". and rar introduced me to some lady i have already been introduced to about twenty times. and i just laughed. ja ja ja.
"jenna girl, margaritas anytime. love you, madonna."
hm...some other things i am working on... i so far have two solid songs for the album i'm hoping to finish by summer. if i stretch the limits of my pickiness, i guess there could be four or five usable ones. but i don't want to stretch the limits of my pickiness. i want to strive for something really great here. i know i can do it. i just need to remember to keep picking up that guitar and letting go. and some day coming up here where the piano is and recording something really awesome. needless to say i'm pretty excited...if i go in the direction of these two particular pieces, i'll have an album that i would feel comfortable, for example, going to the fresh pot and asking simon if he wants to play some night. pretty soon i might upload the one song, the one i REALLY like, and let you have a listen. but not for awhile yet. i'm still trying to build up some interest. keep 'em hanging, you know.
i've been drawing a lot lately, drawing pictures with tons and tons of spirals repeated over and over again, shoved into every last space available, and i really love the way they're turning out. it's my own form of meditation -- i can spend hours (and have been doing) listening to music (like, i don't know, mercromina?) and drawing and drawing, completely absorbed in the page. the neat thing about repeating a pattern and filling in spaces is that you can let your hand flow to wherever it wants to go, you can fill whatever spaces are asking to be filled, leave others to be empty or for smaller spirals or bigger ones. you can really let your control completely dissolve and just let the drawing make itself, so to speak. you don't have to worry about it being perfect or right. you just follow your instinct and don't think about anything and you look up and realize you've spent two hours making little squiggles on paper and it looks brilliant. and you didn't even do anything. there's just this balance on the paper, a balance that you couldn't get if you were actually TRYING to create a balance, like the difference between a person picking 10 numbers from the top of their head and a person rolling the dice 10 times. one is by its very nature the only one truly free of human concern or will. only one is unbiased. so these drawings give me a real sense of peace. the hard part is tracing over them in pen, because i've been doing them in pencil. it's a long and arduous process and it helps me practice patience and perseverence and for this i am truly happy to do it.
oh, and yesterday i bought the most awesome jacket and scarf and shirts. when i have time i'll post a picture of the jacket, because it's amazing and only cost about $15 (regularly $50 or so). oh, rebajas. i'm glad i got something out of you.
all of a sudden i have a craving for mac'n'cheese, which i can't have here, because as far as i've seen, you can't get cheddar cheese here! not normal, orange cheddar cheese. i am this close to asking someone to send me some. what i wouldn't give to slice some chunks of cheddar and eat them with an apple, or melt it on top of a heap of macaroni (rice noodle macaroni of course) and ohhhhh man. luise asked me what cheese fries were when i was babysitting, i almost threw up. i was so shocked. i explained the beauty of the cheese fry and we decided they sounded pretty good and we'd have to make some. but you seriously can't make them without cheddar cheese. hm...
since i've now resorted to talking about cheese fries, i'm going to go. plus, it's about a quarter to one, and today's my early day. i need to hang up other peoples' underwear on the clothes line (my wednesday duties are so awesome), get dressed, and eat some energizing food so that after i pick up j at 3 we can come home and play soccer at the park. i'm pretty excited about getting better at the fútbol. things are good.
i'm happy. there are a lot of challenges and a lot of things i am still trying to figure out (like how to get up before 10), but things feel like they're moving along. soon i'll be home and missing everything here. for now, i'm here, and still missing there, but i'm doing things. i'm living. always closer to the life i want for myself, and hopefully will come home changed, and happy.
take care everyone. talk to you soon.
love
e
my hands have stopped knowing exactly how to write english words. the keyboard and my fingers aren't the good friends they used to be. i structure entire sentences and then go back to read them only to find i've misspelled more words than are written correctly and that certain things just aren't even quite english. for example i just now started to write "sertin" instead of certain. phonetic understanding comes to the surface of my mind and anything deeper is too much of a task.
i've discovered something at the library which is more exciting than the english language section (which can only get me so far, as it's all fiction): biblioteca yamaguchi has a wonderful cd selection, quite eclectic as far as music goes, and so far i'm really scoring big time. my new absolute favorite band of all time is a group called mercromina and if i had enough time and cd-rs i would burn their album "from the tallest mountain in the world" (desde la montaña mas alta del mundo) for everyone i know and send it to you. it is so fantastic, it takes me to places i never knew existed, and if i had to describe them i'd say smashing pumpkins, sigur rös, mogwai, broken social scene, yo la tengo, radiohead, and múm all rolled into one ought to give an accurate impression. but, in spanish. i can't even speak on it. i am just so happy about their music.
i found my résumé sitting here next to the computer, i think it just got pulled out of a pile of random scratch paperwork under the desk, but it's interesting to look at it and see my work history. i haven't been working a "real job" in so long, nor have i been looking for one, that i had forgotten some of the stuff that i've done. an international exchange program community development worker, an overnight supervisor for a homeless youth shelter, various positions at the gap, and a bunch of stuff working with kids and people with hiv/aids (seperate jobs, of course). what a strange life. add to that hostessing at squatters and i'm a real jill of all trades. it makes me wonder what on earth i would have kept doing with my life if i hadn't have gotten this job in spain. because now, of course, i have an idea, if not about my life as a whole then at least about the next year or so. and it makes me once again realize how awesome it's going to be to do what i'm going to do. and i can't wait.
on sunday i met kim and jessica (who rar has already nicknamed "yess" because "yessica" i guess is too long for her) for coffee, which ended up not looking so much like coffee and really bearing a striking resemblance to beer. and then it was more beer, and more. because kim wanted to drink wine (as always) and wanted "company", which translates to she just kept buying me beer. and i thought i was okay but suddenly i found myself really really drunk, and at mcdonald's. and really drunk. i managed to say "estan borrachas!!!! ja ja ja!" and kim abruptly corrected me with "ESTAMOS, emily". it was...interesting. normally i only drink when, for example, i'm at home watching dawson's creek (soon to be gilmore girls because i finished the entire DC series!), and now i remember why.
the really crazy thing was coming home to a house full of rar and arturo's friends, who had arrived at about 2, and now (at 9:30) were just beginning to leave. everyone was wasted. i mean, good wasted. grown up wasted. they'd been having dinner in the downstairs living room/dining room ("mine") which is the room i have to walk through to get to my room, so i went into my room to put my stuff down (walking past all the people in the living room), and i came back out and some lady said (in spanish) "oooh! have you been in your room this WHOLE time??!!" like she felt terrible i hadn't come out all day! and i was like, no! i just came home! and i wanted to say "yes, sagrario just took the chains off my door. can i get you anything, massa?". and rar introduced me to some lady i have already been introduced to about twenty times. and i just laughed. ja ja ja.
"jenna girl, margaritas anytime. love you, madonna."
hm...some other things i am working on... i so far have two solid songs for the album i'm hoping to finish by summer. if i stretch the limits of my pickiness, i guess there could be four or five usable ones. but i don't want to stretch the limits of my pickiness. i want to strive for something really great here. i know i can do it. i just need to remember to keep picking up that guitar and letting go. and some day coming up here where the piano is and recording something really awesome. needless to say i'm pretty excited...if i go in the direction of these two particular pieces, i'll have an album that i would feel comfortable, for example, going to the fresh pot and asking simon if he wants to play some night. pretty soon i might upload the one song, the one i REALLY like, and let you have a listen. but not for awhile yet. i'm still trying to build up some interest. keep 'em hanging, you know.
i've been drawing a lot lately, drawing pictures with tons and tons of spirals repeated over and over again, shoved into every last space available, and i really love the way they're turning out. it's my own form of meditation -- i can spend hours (and have been doing) listening to music (like, i don't know, mercromina?) and drawing and drawing, completely absorbed in the page. the neat thing about repeating a pattern and filling in spaces is that you can let your hand flow to wherever it wants to go, you can fill whatever spaces are asking to be filled, leave others to be empty or for smaller spirals or bigger ones. you can really let your control completely dissolve and just let the drawing make itself, so to speak. you don't have to worry about it being perfect or right. you just follow your instinct and don't think about anything and you look up and realize you've spent two hours making little squiggles on paper and it looks brilliant. and you didn't even do anything. there's just this balance on the paper, a balance that you couldn't get if you were actually TRYING to create a balance, like the difference between a person picking 10 numbers from the top of their head and a person rolling the dice 10 times. one is by its very nature the only one truly free of human concern or will. only one is unbiased. so these drawings give me a real sense of peace. the hard part is tracing over them in pen, because i've been doing them in pencil. it's a long and arduous process and it helps me practice patience and perseverence and for this i am truly happy to do it.
oh, and yesterday i bought the most awesome jacket and scarf and shirts. when i have time i'll post a picture of the jacket, because it's amazing and only cost about $15 (regularly $50 or so). oh, rebajas. i'm glad i got something out of you.
all of a sudden i have a craving for mac'n'cheese, which i can't have here, because as far as i've seen, you can't get cheddar cheese here! not normal, orange cheddar cheese. i am this close to asking someone to send me some. what i wouldn't give to slice some chunks of cheddar and eat them with an apple, or melt it on top of a heap of macaroni (rice noodle macaroni of course) and ohhhhh man. luise asked me what cheese fries were when i was babysitting, i almost threw up. i was so shocked. i explained the beauty of the cheese fry and we decided they sounded pretty good and we'd have to make some. but you seriously can't make them without cheddar cheese. hm...
since i've now resorted to talking about cheese fries, i'm going to go. plus, it's about a quarter to one, and today's my early day. i need to hang up other peoples' underwear on the clothes line (my wednesday duties are so awesome), get dressed, and eat some energizing food so that after i pick up j at 3 we can come home and play soccer at the park. i'm pretty excited about getting better at the fútbol. things are good.
i'm happy. there are a lot of challenges and a lot of things i am still trying to figure out (like how to get up before 10), but things feel like they're moving along. soon i'll be home and missing everything here. for now, i'm here, and still missing there, but i'm doing things. i'm living. always closer to the life i want for myself, and hopefully will come home changed, and happy.
take care everyone. talk to you soon.
love
e