Feelings
I never thought I'd be like this. Before now, I had never realized understood the idea of love. I questioned the existence of being able to get lost in someone so deeply and entirely. Companionship yes, the need for sexual gratification, yes but never this. Or maybe I'm just caught up in a mutual extended crush. I honestly don't know. I feel so utterly vunreable to it. It's so odd feeling this way. Relationships have always a safety net for me. Finding guys who are more into me than I am, just so I can feel secure. I honestly feel like I'm jumping into the abyss and I hope so much that he'll be there at the bottom when I fall. I wish I had the security to feel that the awkward silences and absences don't mean anything. I have no control over this, so I convert it into words and hide it here.