A Confession
I have just lied to the person I love most in this world.
That is inexcusable; I find, however, that it is explainable. Allow me:
I had been planning these tattoos for quite a while, tumbling meaning and self expression over and over in my head until they pieced together into a few designs that I believed would be simple and beautiful visual reminders of what experience has taught me.
- A raven in flight on my left forearm to remind me that Change, Chaos, and Simple Curiosity are three of the major players in Creation. What can't be controlled isn't necessarily anything to live in fear of; sometimes the scariest things are really the best things wearing a different hat. Who better than a trickster god to remind me that even when things look their worst, I may be looking at the humble beginnings of something wonderful.
- A pentacle between my shoulder blades to help me remember that we are all connected, for good or ill. To provide protection when I look at the world around me and the sky above me and realize how very tiny I am.
- A water urn with a tree etched into it on my right foot to symbolize one of the oldest names for the Goddess, "The Sacred Water Jar". As an agnostic, I can't say I believe in the dogma and trappings Goddess worship any more than I do God worship, but I find that the idea of a reasonably benevolent mother-of-us-all figure to be soothing in some indefinable way.
These images may hold different meaning, or no meaning at all, to other people, but that is the beauty of self expression. I pondered and agonized and enjoyed the occasional "eureka!" moment before I made the decision to etch these portions of who I am and what I value into my skin.
On Saturday, I came home from my great adventure to show my husband this new part of myself. He looked at me uncomfortably and said "You used to be perfect. Now I don't know what you are."
This morning at 4:30 I got a message from my mother telling me "Still not fond of the size and placement...I love you so im going to tell u that ur motivation for and the number of tattoos concerns me." The word 'concern' means 'I will use nagging and guilt to make you feel terrible about this. I will use means both subtle and blatant to be sure that you regret making a decision you didn't let me control'.
This morning at 4:32, I got out of bed because I knew there would be no more rest. The sleep-warmed love of my life stumbled down the hall half an hour later, wanting to know "what's wrong?"
"Nothing, Love. Go back to bed."