I suck ass... -_-';

[mitsuko_08]

So yea...

For the past week..week and a half... I've been so depressed I can't even sleep at night... I just lay there wishing that I was dead... I feel so numb all the time...

But I've been ignoring it... I don't want to be a bother to anyone... and I really don't want to bother Rachel with it...

Shes been really depressed too... She feels horrible all the time... the worst thing I could do would be to bother her with my problems... So I just sit and try to cheer her up... my depression getting worse...
But, I think I've been hiding it well...
No one realizes a thing is wrong...
Its best that way...

I've thought about killing myself within the past week too... But then when Rach talked about it... I decided that, no matter how horrid I feel I can't do it... I have to stay here for her... help her... love her... be with her...

I want those things... I love her... so I wouldn't want to leave anywayz... I don't know where I'd go if I died, but I do know rachel wouldn't be there...

*sigh*

To bad that doesn't take away all my pain, and thoughts of dying...

Oh well...

I'll just deal with it...

I think it'll all eventually go away...