my social media 'diet'
on thanksgiving i started a social media break. before that i started checking less and less and started actively avoiding the news. it really started after the election. my anxiety was so high i felt like crying constantly and like the end of the wold was coming. I took out survival books from the library and started stocking up food.
it's been two, three, maybe four weeks since then. i've checked facebook maybe 5-6 times. was late responding to a joke or two. I've also almost entirely gone off twitter. i popped back in here and there to say i wasn't dead, and i was just not going to be on as much.
this was a long time coming. even when i was in high school i would get tired of being online and think, man someday i'm just going to disappear into the woods without a computer and live in a cabin with barely electricity and plumbing. but it wasn't so bad then. before smartphones, going online was an effort. before i had an office job, getting access to the internet was an effort. but now i'm constantly connected. we're all constantly connected. it's not just about my internet friends anymore where i can imagine them behind their avatars, and hide behind mine. now there is no 'online' and 'IRL'. the internet is IRL, and no one is nice on it.
i started because i hated the news. i ended up finding a few other benefits as well.
i don't have to tell everyone everything online anymore. i don't need to tweet something just because it's on my mind b/c i have to stay active. i can do things and not ever tell them. things can stay in my brain. i don't know how i forgot this was an option.
i didn't think i was one of those people who was constantly comparing themselves to others, but after i got off social media, i realized i was happier without seeing other people's better art, other people's art careers succeed, other people's cooler clothes and better figures, other people's pretty food. the art comparisions especially can be a source of great envy and pain for me.
i am painting for myself and only myself. i am not painting for instagram likes. i am not painting specific subjects to please my friends. i am not painting to try and promote myself and sell my work. i am not falling into the 'i need money so here's some furry art' trap i keep laying for myself. i am painting when i want to, what i want to. no one is going to see this work for months - or if at all, if i don't get it into a gallery or art fair. it has made me evaluate why i paint what i do, and how i started, and not what i 'should' or 'shouldn't' be doing.
i am excercising more and not because i feel like i need to stop from gaining weight but because i can feel a noticeable difference in my mood when i do and don't. i'm taking my time making dinner and baking cookies because i have free time now. these were things that i always enjoyed but stopped doing becuase i felt like i needed to spend more time on art, and more time promoting my art on social media.
the question is, can i keep doing this forever? can i quit completely? i definitely feel better in a lot of ways, but i keep having the feeling like at some point, i 'have to go back'. i have a small handful of friends and acquaintances that i can only talk to online and that i like interacting with. deleting accounts seems like an unnecessary act of defiance, but letting them go fallow and just letting them idle seems like less like a statement and more like the truth. kind of like this livejournal that i post in twice a year. it's not dead but fuck if i check it more than once every 6 months.
another small truth is that if i stop managing my social media, that possibility of being able to live off my art from online sales will be gone. but perhaps it's time to try a different approach. i've been trying to sell my work online only for years. etsy hasn't gotten me much more than $15 profit a month since 2011, and the ROI of furry commissions... i'm not sure it's worth the time in front of the computer.
i've tended to make decisions like this suddenly - delete account! rename my business! stop drawing furry! start drawing furry again! do abstract! stop abstract! this time... i'm going to take my time and think about it, think about what i really want to do, and commit to it.
it's been two, three, maybe four weeks since then. i've checked facebook maybe 5-6 times. was late responding to a joke or two. I've also almost entirely gone off twitter. i popped back in here and there to say i wasn't dead, and i was just not going to be on as much.
this was a long time coming. even when i was in high school i would get tired of being online and think, man someday i'm just going to disappear into the woods without a computer and live in a cabin with barely electricity and plumbing. but it wasn't so bad then. before smartphones, going online was an effort. before i had an office job, getting access to the internet was an effort. but now i'm constantly connected. we're all constantly connected. it's not just about my internet friends anymore where i can imagine them behind their avatars, and hide behind mine. now there is no 'online' and 'IRL'. the internet is IRL, and no one is nice on it.
i started because i hated the news. i ended up finding a few other benefits as well.
i don't have to tell everyone everything online anymore. i don't need to tweet something just because it's on my mind b/c i have to stay active. i can do things and not ever tell them. things can stay in my brain. i don't know how i forgot this was an option.
i didn't think i was one of those people who was constantly comparing themselves to others, but after i got off social media, i realized i was happier without seeing other people's better art, other people's art careers succeed, other people's cooler clothes and better figures, other people's pretty food. the art comparisions especially can be a source of great envy and pain for me.
i am painting for myself and only myself. i am not painting for instagram likes. i am not painting specific subjects to please my friends. i am not painting to try and promote myself and sell my work. i am not falling into the 'i need money so here's some furry art' trap i keep laying for myself. i am painting when i want to, what i want to. no one is going to see this work for months - or if at all, if i don't get it into a gallery or art fair. it has made me evaluate why i paint what i do, and how i started, and not what i 'should' or 'shouldn't' be doing.
i am excercising more and not because i feel like i need to stop from gaining weight but because i can feel a noticeable difference in my mood when i do and don't. i'm taking my time making dinner and baking cookies because i have free time now. these were things that i always enjoyed but stopped doing becuase i felt like i needed to spend more time on art, and more time promoting my art on social media.
the question is, can i keep doing this forever? can i quit completely? i definitely feel better in a lot of ways, but i keep having the feeling like at some point, i 'have to go back'. i have a small handful of friends and acquaintances that i can only talk to online and that i like interacting with. deleting accounts seems like an unnecessary act of defiance, but letting them go fallow and just letting them idle seems like less like a statement and more like the truth. kind of like this livejournal that i post in twice a year. it's not dead but fuck if i check it more than once every 6 months.
another small truth is that if i stop managing my social media, that possibility of being able to live off my art from online sales will be gone. but perhaps it's time to try a different approach. i've been trying to sell my work online only for years. etsy hasn't gotten me much more than $15 profit a month since 2011, and the ROI of furry commissions... i'm not sure it's worth the time in front of the computer.
i've tended to make decisions like this suddenly - delete account! rename my business! stop drawing furry! start drawing furry again! do abstract! stop abstract! this time... i'm going to take my time and think about it, think about what i really want to do, and commit to it.