Writing
I feel like what I am to write has been written before, not hear but pasted and and so within the archives of this journal.
When she told me she was leaving me and hugged me I remember the devastation. For years all I remembered was the afterwards, the anger and the frustration and the denial. But now I can see the full spectrum of feelings. The shock, the horrible sadness. I remember the radio was playing 'The Deftones - Change.' I remember I started crying when she told me she was leaving, this girl I had given all a fifteen year old could emotionally. I hugged her tight and cried a bit as I listened to the song play out. That song still hurts me now.
I think I've liked women since and I've certainly messed around with other women, but I have never been as close as I was. I know I let fear rule my life. That it kept me from having a meaningful relationship.
I won't let fear rule me anymore.
When she told me she was leaving me and hugged me I remember the devastation. For years all I remembered was the afterwards, the anger and the frustration and the denial. But now I can see the full spectrum of feelings. The shock, the horrible sadness. I remember the radio was playing 'The Deftones - Change.' I remember I started crying when she told me she was leaving, this girl I had given all a fifteen year old could emotionally. I hugged her tight and cried a bit as I listened to the song play out. That song still hurts me now.
I think I've liked women since and I've certainly messed around with other women, but I have never been as close as I was. I know I let fear rule my life. That it kept me from having a meaningful relationship.
I won't let fear rule me anymore.