America and England cookies~
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Hetalia Cookie Recipes
Edition one: America and England
England’s Shortbread Biscuits
The operative ingredient in any good biscuit is not the sweetener, but the butter. As such, these pastries contain very little of the former and an abundance of the latter-a little less than forty percent butter, in the end. They are, as such, pleasantly brittle but quite rich.
INGREDIENTS
750 ml all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon fennel seeds, pulverised
6 tablespoons confectioners’ sugar
500 ml butter, chilled and diced
2 large or extra-large eggs
Preheat the oven to 175 degrees Celsius (350 Fahrenheit) and grease a shortbread mould. If you have none, a glass baking dish will serve.
Combine and sift all the dry ingredients thoroughly. Cut the butter into the flour mixture until it begins to cohere, then beat in the egg. The mixture will require pressing and shaping into the mould; be attentive.
Once the dough is smoothed into the mould, bake it for 20-25 minutes, then turn out to cool. The mould is easier to score and cut while it is still slightly warm, so be advised of that. Shortbread is best warm-failing that, it can be dipped in tea or cream, and for this recipe I recommend companioning with a staunch unsweetened Earl Grey or, oddly enough, a crisp Green.
If you squint, you can see the Union Jack.
America’s Kitchen Sink Clusterfucks
So once I figured out that the cookies were actually better as cookies than as just dough, I started trying out how many different things I could put in the cookies and came up with these. Which are awesome. And the best part is if you don’t feel like including one of the extras or don’t have it on hand (apparently you can’t get butterscotch chips in Wyoming? I don’t know) you can switch it out for something else or double up on one of the ones you feel like having right now.
1 cup butter (or margarine if butter is tight, but butter’s kinda better)
1 cup dark brown sugar
½ cup white granulated sugar
2 extra-large or jumbo eggs (because this shit needs to hold together)
½ cup peanut butter
1 ½ teaspoons vanilla extract
some cinnamon
½ teaspoon salt (it really does help the composition)
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 ¾ cups flour
2 ½ cups whole oats (quick-cooking is okay too if that’s all you have but the whole oats get less lost in everything else that follows)
½ cup milk chocolate chips
½ cup white chocolate chips
½ cup butterscotch chips
½ cup M&Ms (plain, peanut, or almond, they all work. Or use all of them at once! And you can get seasonal too.)
½ cup unsalted or honey-roasted peanuts
½ cup Raisinets
½ cup Milk Duds or Rolos or plain caramels, cut in quarters (I hate this part, it’s boring)
a Baby Ruth bar, chopped up
some Reeses, sliced
some Snickers, pulled apart
some Butterfingers, crushed
some Twix, mashed (ha, cookies in a cookie!)
Like I said, as long as you’ve got about four or five cups of stuff the cookies should be awesome. If you don’t feel like peanuts or raisins you can just amp up the chocolate.
So start by creaming the butter and the sugars (electric mixers are awesome for this), and then beating in the eggs and the extract. And then the peanut butter and salt and cinnamon and baking powder, and then the flour. Then the oats. And then the stuff. And the stuff has to be mixed in so every cookie has a little bit of everything.
The oven should be at 375 degrees Fahrenheit (England’s note, a little over 180 C) and the cookie sheets should have been greased, sorry.
Drop big spoonfuls-like the size of ping-pong balls-on the cookie sheets and make sure they have room, the chocolate melts and these things expand. (They also work as MEGACOOKIES but that means different baking time.) Then sit back for about ten minutes a batch, take ‘em out, and let ‘em cool. Maybe. A little. And not on those rack things because these guys crumble, you have to cool them on the cookie sheets for a minute before you move them and then move them onto plates.
Also, have a big glass of milk or a dish of ice cream ready for these.
Bonus Dialog at the request of youkofujima
"Dude, there's no sugar in these cookies."
"That's the point. Just eat one."
"But it's not a cookie! You can't call it a cookie if there's no sugar. And what's this square cookie thing. Cookies are round."
"What about brownies?"
"Those are brownies, not cookies."
"Same thing."
"No, they're really not."
"Fine, then let's call a spade a spade and call these biscuits."
"Biscuits are round too!"
"Are not."
"Are too. Haven't you ever been to KFC?"
"There's no food at KFC. Let alone biscuits."
"There is awesome food at KFC."
"There are chickens on spits that are no longer chickens."
"Because they're dead."
"No, because they have fifteen wings."
"Well they don't all come from the same chicken. Look, my point is that biscuits are fluffy, not flat. Yours are flat. Also square."
"But they're biscuits. You're talking about soda rolls."
"Ew! You you drink soda with biscuits?"
-
Hetalia Cookie Recipes
Edition one: America and England
England’s Shortbread Biscuits
The operative ingredient in any good biscuit is not the sweetener, but the butter. As such, these pastries contain very little of the former and an abundance of the latter-a little less than forty percent butter, in the end. They are, as such, pleasantly brittle but quite rich.
INGREDIENTS
750 ml all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon fennel seeds, pulverised
6 tablespoons confectioners’ sugar
500 ml butter, chilled and diced
2 large or extra-large eggs
Preheat the oven to 175 degrees Celsius (350 Fahrenheit) and grease a shortbread mould. If you have none, a glass baking dish will serve.
Combine and sift all the dry ingredients thoroughly. Cut the butter into the flour mixture until it begins to cohere, then beat in the egg. The mixture will require pressing and shaping into the mould; be attentive.
Once the dough is smoothed into the mould, bake it for 20-25 minutes, then turn out to cool. The mould is easier to score and cut while it is still slightly warm, so be advised of that. Shortbread is best warm-failing that, it can be dipped in tea or cream, and for this recipe I recommend companioning with a staunch unsweetened Earl Grey or, oddly enough, a crisp Green.
If you squint, you can see the Union Jack.
America’s Kitchen Sink Clusterfucks
So once I figured out that the cookies were actually better as cookies than as just dough, I started trying out how many different things I could put in the cookies and came up with these. Which are awesome. And the best part is if you don’t feel like including one of the extras or don’t have it on hand (apparently you can’t get butterscotch chips in Wyoming? I don’t know) you can switch it out for something else or double up on one of the ones you feel like having right now.
1 cup butter (or margarine if butter is tight, but butter’s kinda better)
1 cup dark brown sugar
½ cup white granulated sugar
2 extra-large or jumbo eggs (because this shit needs to hold together)
½ cup peanut butter
1 ½ teaspoons vanilla extract
some cinnamon
½ teaspoon salt (it really does help the composition)
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 ¾ cups flour
2 ½ cups whole oats (quick-cooking is okay too if that’s all you have but the whole oats get less lost in everything else that follows)
½ cup milk chocolate chips
½ cup white chocolate chips
½ cup butterscotch chips
½ cup M&Ms (plain, peanut, or almond, they all work. Or use all of them at once! And you can get seasonal too.)
½ cup unsalted or honey-roasted peanuts
½ cup Raisinets
½ cup Milk Duds or Rolos or plain caramels, cut in quarters (I hate this part, it’s boring)
a Baby Ruth bar, chopped up
some Reeses, sliced
some Snickers, pulled apart
some Butterfingers, crushed
some Twix, mashed (ha, cookies in a cookie!)
Like I said, as long as you’ve got about four or five cups of stuff the cookies should be awesome. If you don’t feel like peanuts or raisins you can just amp up the chocolate.
So start by creaming the butter and the sugars (electric mixers are awesome for this), and then beating in the eggs and the extract. And then the peanut butter and salt and cinnamon and baking powder, and then the flour. Then the oats. And then the stuff. And the stuff has to be mixed in so every cookie has a little bit of everything.
The oven should be at 375 degrees Fahrenheit (England’s note, a little over 180 C) and the cookie sheets should have been greased, sorry.
Drop big spoonfuls-like the size of ping-pong balls-on the cookie sheets and make sure they have room, the chocolate melts and these things expand. (They also work as MEGACOOKIES but that means different baking time.) Then sit back for about ten minutes a batch, take ‘em out, and let ‘em cool. Maybe. A little. And not on those rack things because these guys crumble, you have to cool them on the cookie sheets for a minute before you move them and then move them onto plates.
Also, have a big glass of milk or a dish of ice cream ready for these.
Bonus Dialog at the request of youkofujima
"Dude, there's no sugar in these cookies."
"That's the point. Just eat one."
"But it's not a cookie! You can't call it a cookie if there's no sugar. And what's this square cookie thing. Cookies are round."
"What about brownies?"
"Those are brownies, not cookies."
"Same thing."
"No, they're really not."
"Fine, then let's call a spade a spade and call these biscuits."
"Biscuits are round too!"
"Are not."
"Are too. Haven't you ever been to KFC?"
"There's no food at KFC. Let alone biscuits."
"There is awesome food at KFC."
"There are chickens on spits that are no longer chickens."
"Because they're dead."
"No, because they have fifteen wings."
"Well they don't all come from the same chicken. Look, my point is that biscuits are fluffy, not flat. Yours are flat. Also square."
"But they're biscuits. You're talking about soda rolls."
"Ew! You you drink soda with biscuits?"
-