X in five minutes; DDS in 5 minutes.
.
A discussion of Just the Thought of You Makes Me Stop Before I Begin with lindensphinx prompted me to give the 5-minute summary of Tokyo Babylon and the S/S part of X. It occurred to me just now that there are several other canons I often write in that it would be useful/humorous to encapsulate in this manner.
Therefore, I present: two of them.
By their very nature, both of these recaps contain SPOILERS. Big honking ones.
Tokyo Babylon and the Seishirou/Subaru portions of X/1999 in Five Minutes or Less:
Subaru (aged 9): This cherry tree is evil and blooming out of season. I am going to exorcise it. Wait, there's blood raining out of it. Oh.
Seishirou (aged 18): Darn, this little onmyouji caught me at work. [spins illusion] Do you like the cherry blossoms?
Subaru: Yes.
Seishirou: Do you know why they're so beautiful?
Subaru: ?
Seishirou: Because of the corpses buried underneath. Their blood tints the petals pink. There's a corpse under every cherry tree.
Subaru: But isn't that person in pain?
Seishirou: [surprise] [perplexity] [amusement] All right, I'm going to make a bet with you. When we meet again, JSHdhfsuerhtdgsjdthetidfnsktihndasdjkfskajsdfbfdsencountersubsequentlyerasedfrommemorybywindwhichistooloud and until then, I will let you go.
Subaru's Grandmother: --all right, you'll be wearing gloves for the rest of your life because we can't have people seeing what that man did to your hands, and no, I will not tell you why. Just beware the Sakurazukamori.
The City of Tokyo: [is a character]
Subaru (aged 16): Oops, sorry! I'm such a klutz.
Seishirou (aged 25): It's not a problem. You're really cute. I'm going to ingratiate myself into your life. [JUST AS PLANNED.]
Subaru: This is really awkward--
Hokuto: My little brother is all grown up and he and Sei-chan are gonna get married in the most fashionable outfits ever~
Subaru: I er uh.
Seishirou: I totally support this union.
Hokuto: Sakurazuka courting Sumeragi--it's like we're in a shoujo manga!
That line: [is a direct quotation]
The City of Tokyo: [is corrupting and tarnished and an extension of Seishirou's will]
Subaru: [perseveres and continues to be pure and optimistic...mostly.]
Seishirou: [barely drops hints that he is anything but a homosexual, dorky, and kind veterinarian]
Hokuto: [starts to catch on]
Enraged Grieving Mother: MY CHILD NEEDS A KIDNEY AND I AM DESPERATE AND CRAZY AND GOING TO STAB YOU AND GIVE HIM YOURS.
Subaru (aged 17): Do it. I'm worthless.
Seishirou: VETO. VETO IN THE EYE.
Subaru: --!
Seishirou: [is blind in his right eye]
Subaru: [is a disconsolate wreck]
Seishirou: Subaru-kun, don't feel guilty, I did this because I wanted to.
Subaru: I--I am going to do research on seeing-eye dogs and do everything I can to help you and I. Um.
Hokuto: Is that a little evil in your smile, Sei-chan? You know, without your glasses, you look kinda creepy.
Seishirou: I have no idea what you're talking about.
The City of Tokyo: [is an unforgiving bitch]
Subaru: ...and so I want to help him. I really don't want him to hate me. I've never felt that way about anyone before.
Blind Man: You really love this person, don't you.
Subaru: [crying] ...oh god, I'm in love with Seishirou-san.
Subaru: --how did there get to be a cherry tree in your hospital room, Seishirou-san?
Seishirou: You're in an illusion. See, I made this bet with you when you were nine--if you and I should ever meet again, we will be together for one year, and I will try my best to learn to love you. If you can make me feel anything, any real emotion, you've won. But if in the end you're worth nothing more than a corpse, I'll do what I'm supposed to as Sakurazukamori and kill you. Oh, and those gloves? They hide the proof that you're mine. Mine. My prey. And I don't love you. So I'm going to break your mind, and then your arm, and then your heart, and then I'll kill you.
Subaru: Do it.
Seishirou: [doesn't.]
Grandmother: VETO.
Subaru: [is catatonic]
Grandmother: [is crippled]
Hokuto: Fuck this.
Hokuto: ...And that's why you should kill me, Sei-chan.
Seishrou: I shall.
Subaru: [snaps out of coma]
Grandmother: Hokuto is dead.
Subaru: I will be the one to kill Seishirou-san.
[In a nine-year interim, Subaru quits school, takes up smoking, stops wearing gloves, cuts his hair, and keeps his feelings to himself. Seishirou keeps track of Subaru through the marks, but does not kill him. Subaru is convinced that this is because he doesn't matter to Seishirou at all.]
The City of Tokyo: [is a lynchpin for the Apocalypse]
Subaru: [doesn't give a shit]
Subaru: [has battle / sexual tension with Seishirou]
Seishirou: [comes out on top. Always]
The forces of good the preservation of humanity: Subaru, you're on our side, right?
Subaru: Whatever.
Kamui: I'm in a really similar position to yours, Subaru. With the people-I-care-about-killing-each-other-and-ruining-my-life thing. And I have an awkward emulating-crush on you.
Subaru: Oh, fuck. I guess I'm involved.
The forces of evil the preservation of Earth at humanity's expense: Rock, the Sakurazukamori's one of us.
Seishirou: Whatever.
Fuma: It'll give you an excuse to torment the Sumeragi. And eat ice cream with me.
Seishirou: ^_^
Fuma: It's really good ice cream, too. Sprinkled with terrorism.
Fuma: [beats the crap out of Kamui]
Subaru: VETO. VETO IN THE--
Fuma: I'll see your veto and raise you an I LOOK LIKE SEISHIROU.
Subaru: --Oh. Oh, fuck me.
Fuma: In your right eye? Sure.
Kamui: [is a disconsolate wreck]
Subaru: Kamui-kun, don't feel guilty, I did this because I wanted to. Wait. Where have I heard that before?
Fuma: See, Sakurazukamori, I do this thing where I grant wishes. It's part of the being-Kamui thing. And Subaru's wish--his real one--is something only you can grant.
Seishirou: Let the games begin.
The City of Tokyo: [is fucked]
Rainbow Bridge: [is in no way an allegory for miscommunication]
Subaru: [has battle / sexual tension with Seishirou]
Seishirou: [ties Subaru up in cherry blossom vines]
Subaru: [induces pain in himself to break out of that] I'm yours. You don't have to cast illusions.
Seishirou: Isn't your true wish to kill me?
Subaru: You're wrong.
Seishirou: [moves in for the kill]
Subaru: [waits for it]
Subaru: --oh god, why is my hand through your chest?
Seishirou: Your sister. She cast a spell that prevented me from killing you, that would reflect the strike back on me. She wanted us both to live and be happy.
Subaru: But I wanted you to kill me. I wanted to matter to you.
Seishirou: You're too kind a person to ever kill someone. And I...you...
Seishirou's last words: [are known only to Subaru]
Subaru: You...never say what I expect you to say, do you.
Subaru: [sits around covered in Seishirou's blood for god knows how long]
Kamui: Why?
Subaru: There is no way for everyone to be happy.
Kamui: ...
Subaru: [abandons the forces of good]
Fuma: Here. We salvaged Seishirou's good eye from the wreckage. He wants you to have it because the one that's blind means that someone else violated you, and he wants you to belong to him completely.
Subaru: [takes the eye]
Fuma: Also, you're the Sakurazukamori now.
Subaru: ...Motherfucker.
Fuma: No really? Is that some kind of job requirement?
-
Digital Devil Saga 1 in Five Minutes or Less:
Ominous green text: [threatens loss of innocence]
Petulant white text: [protests this vehemently]
Embryon: [stake out the Vanguards]
Vanguards: [protect their turf]
Green egg: [is an anomaly]
Argilla: I make it clear that we are all emotionless husks with monotone voices carrying out our killing mission.
Gale: Especially me.
Serph: ...
Embryon: [attack]
Vanguards: [defend]
Green egg: [explodes]
REND SLAUGHTER DEVOUR YOUR ENEMIES
Agrilla: That hurt but I cannot express pain properly.
Sera: [lies naked in the middle of the wreckage]
Heat: [points at Sera] I am fixated on this.
Serph: ...
Heat: I am going to the Vanguards to grill them for information about this girl.
Argilla: I want an explanation.
Serph: ...
Harley: i have a personality now because the fear is too great YOU ATE ALL OF MY MEN.
Heat: ...Dude. Awesome.
Argilla: i have a personality now because the indignation is too great IT WASN'T ME.
Harley: Stay the Hell away--
Heat: i have a personality now because the obsession is too great WHO IS THE GIRL AND WHY AM I SO TURNED ON.
Harley the flaming zebrachicken: EAT OR BE EATEN. [dies spectactularly]
Gale: [goes berserk and tries to kill Cielo]
Cielo: See that demon? That is Gale.
Sera: Hi! I can sing you all out of the crazy. Listen~
Gale: Surely this girl is a military asset.
Angel: [overrides the system]
Tribe Leaders: [are introduced]
Varin Omega: i have a personality now because the pissed-offedness is too great SERPH I FUCKING HATE YOU.
Angel: Now go out there and kill each other so that you may ascend to Nirvana. Oh, and bring me the black-haired girl.
Serph: ?
Angel: YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARD--
Gale: I exhibit duplicitousness and deviousness in an emphatically clinical fashion.
Argilla: I really don't like this game anymore.
Gale: Let us ally with Jinana and then betray her because her tribe is weak.
Jinana: I expound on the nature of God and tragedy.
Argilla: I don't want to kill you.
Bat: Well, I want to kill you.
Heat: Tough titty. [hands Bat's ass to him]
Jinana: I think you are strong and interesting. Especially you, Argilla.
Bat: i have a personality now because the shame is too great YOU CAN'T TRUST THEM or me or anyone else.
Jinana: Go lick your wounds.
Bat: [glower]
Mick the Slug: [is turtling in his Citadel]
Alliance between the Maribel and the Embryon: [does not work]
Mick: [hands Jinana her own hot, atma-marked ass] i have a personality now because the testosterone is too great BWAHAHA.
Jinana: [is overcome with hunger]
Argilla: Motherfucker.
The party: [kills Jinana]
Jinana: i have a personali...ty...
Argilla: I have a grudge.
Dungeon: [is backward]
Bat: [is not so easily defeated this time] Oh and by the way--we've captured Sera and overrun your turf.
Argilla's breasts: You--son of a--
(Mith: [is not kidding])
Heat: You fucked up, Cielo.
Cielo: i have a personality now because the desire to prove myself is too great SUDDENLY I AM DE WHITEST JAMAICAN.
Dave Wittenberg: Aren't I versatile, Seishirou-san?
Coordinate 136: [is the best dungeon ever]
Twinklebell: THIS FAIRY TALE IS IN NO WAY A PARALLEL STORY. IN NO WAY AT ALL.
Heat: [is the evil prince]
Serph: [is the good prince]
Mick: [laughs at you all]
Sera: [jumps off the roof]
Cielo: [saves her ass] Haha, I'm not only de whitest Jamaican, I'm also de most badass!
Heat (and Serph, sort of): We'll tear you apart, you fat freak!
Mick: [dies spectactularly]
Gale: Let us destroy this ship which is inexplicably beached in a desert.
Sera: waah.
Argilla: [fails at cosplay]
Varin Omega: Call me Colonel Beck, bitch.
Bat: YOU'RE ALL THE SAME AS ME! ADMIT IT!
Argilla: Fuck you.
Bat: [dies spectactularly]
Heat: Serph can't protect you! Can't you see that I'm stronger than him?
Sera: Heat, you're hurting me--MMPH!
Heat: [rapekiss]
Sera: [whimpers, stops protesting, goes slack and cries]
Heat: Um...so...
Sera: [runs away crying]
Heat: Angst.
Gale: The rules of the game are changing and you are all irrational and unstable. Let us ally with what remains of the Wolves, with whom I am already somewhat familiar.
Lupa: I have a personality and it is honor incarnate.
Gale: What is this emotion? I seem to be aroused and confused by you.
Lupa: Have you ever seen a child in the Junkyard?
Party: --dude.
Lupa: Now you get it. This world does not make sense. Here, you protect Sera. I will go ahead and kill as many Brutes as I can.
Gale: I want to break the rules for you.
Lupa: [gives Gale his ring]
Gale: ...
Lupa: [is overcome by hunger]
The battle: [is fucking difficult]
Lupa: When you get to Nirvana, find my son. He'll be carrying an olive leaf.
Gale: [puts Lupa out of his misery] i have a--fuck this. Be you angel or demon, you will surely regret giving me this cursed power.
Varin Omega Colonel Beck: I know who you all really are! How can you follow this MAGNIFICENT BASTARD?
Serph: [innocent?]
Colonel Beck: I'm going to kill you all and get out of this hellhole!
The party: [reflects his attacks and undoes him that way because it's practical]
Colonel Beck: You're all just AIs that Sera created based on people I knew would never do stuff like this. That girl is the devil. [dies]
Cielo: ...dis doesn't feel like victory.
Gale: Let us go to the Karma tower and asend to Nirvana.
Heat: --wait, where'd Sera go?
The Karma Tower: [is fucking huge]
The party: [gets to the top of it]
Sera: Angel! Don't destroy my playworld.
Angel: Oh? Who's going to stop me?
The party: VETO--well, for the remaining 10% of the world.
Angel: Fine, I'll play with you.
Onmyo Harihara: [is not an allegory for hermaphroditism, not at all]
The party: [stalemates her]
The Junkyard: [is destroyed]
Gale: [rescues Angel]
Heat: [rescues Sera]
No one: [rescues Serph]--
Please insert Disc Two.
Nirvana: [does not exist]
-
A discussion of Just the Thought of You Makes Me Stop Before I Begin with lindensphinx prompted me to give the 5-minute summary of Tokyo Babylon and the S/S part of X. It occurred to me just now that there are several other canons I often write in that it would be useful/humorous to encapsulate in this manner.
Therefore, I present: two of them.
By their very nature, both of these recaps contain SPOILERS. Big honking ones.
Tokyo Babylon and the Seishirou/Subaru portions of X/1999 in Five Minutes or Less:
Subaru (aged 9): This cherry tree is evil and blooming out of season. I am going to exorcise it. Wait, there's blood raining out of it. Oh.
Seishirou (aged 18): Darn, this little onmyouji caught me at work. [spins illusion] Do you like the cherry blossoms?
Subaru: Yes.
Seishirou: Do you know why they're so beautiful?
Subaru: ?
Seishirou: Because of the corpses buried underneath. Their blood tints the petals pink. There's a corpse under every cherry tree.
Subaru: But isn't that person in pain?
Seishirou: [surprise] [perplexity] [amusement] All right, I'm going to make a bet with you. When we meet again, JSHdhfsuerhtdgsjdthetidfnsktihndasdjkfskajsdfbfdsencountersubsequentlyerasedfrommemorybywindwhichistooloud and until then, I will let you go.
Subaru's Grandmother: --all right, you'll be wearing gloves for the rest of your life because we can't have people seeing what that man did to your hands, and no, I will not tell you why. Just beware the Sakurazukamori.
The City of Tokyo: [is a character]
Subaru (aged 16): Oops, sorry! I'm such a klutz.
Seishirou (aged 25): It's not a problem. You're really cute. I'm going to ingratiate myself into your life. [JUST AS PLANNED.]
Subaru: This is really awkward--
Hokuto: My little brother is all grown up and he and Sei-chan are gonna get married in the most fashionable outfits ever~
Subaru: I er uh.
Seishirou: I totally support this union.
Hokuto: Sakurazuka courting Sumeragi--it's like we're in a shoujo manga!
That line: [is a direct quotation]
The City of Tokyo: [is corrupting and tarnished and an extension of Seishirou's will]
Subaru: [perseveres and continues to be pure and optimistic...mostly.]
Seishirou: [barely drops hints that he is anything but a homosexual, dorky, and kind veterinarian]
Hokuto: [starts to catch on]
Enraged Grieving Mother: MY CHILD NEEDS A KIDNEY AND I AM DESPERATE AND CRAZY AND GOING TO STAB YOU AND GIVE HIM YOURS.
Subaru (aged 17): Do it. I'm worthless.
Seishirou: VETO. VETO IN THE EYE.
Subaru: --!
Seishirou: [is blind in his right eye]
Subaru: [is a disconsolate wreck]
Seishirou: Subaru-kun, don't feel guilty, I did this because I wanted to.
Subaru: I--I am going to do research on seeing-eye dogs and do everything I can to help you and I. Um.
Hokuto: Is that a little evil in your smile, Sei-chan? You know, without your glasses, you look kinda creepy.
Seishirou: I have no idea what you're talking about.
The City of Tokyo: [is an unforgiving bitch]
Subaru: ...and so I want to help him. I really don't want him to hate me. I've never felt that way about anyone before.
Blind Man: You really love this person, don't you.
Subaru: [crying] ...oh god, I'm in love with Seishirou-san.
Subaru: --how did there get to be a cherry tree in your hospital room, Seishirou-san?
Seishirou: You're in an illusion. See, I made this bet with you when you were nine--if you and I should ever meet again, we will be together for one year, and I will try my best to learn to love you. If you can make me feel anything, any real emotion, you've won. But if in the end you're worth nothing more than a corpse, I'll do what I'm supposed to as Sakurazukamori and kill you. Oh, and those gloves? They hide the proof that you're mine. Mine. My prey. And I don't love you. So I'm going to break your mind, and then your arm, and then your heart, and then I'll kill you.
Subaru: Do it.
Seishirou: [doesn't.]
Grandmother: VETO.
Subaru: [is catatonic]
Grandmother: [is crippled]
Hokuto: Fuck this.
Hokuto: ...And that's why you should kill me, Sei-chan.
Seishrou: I shall.
Subaru: [snaps out of coma]
Grandmother: Hokuto is dead.
Subaru: I will be the one to kill Seishirou-san.
[In a nine-year interim, Subaru quits school, takes up smoking, stops wearing gloves, cuts his hair, and keeps his feelings to himself. Seishirou keeps track of Subaru through the marks, but does not kill him. Subaru is convinced that this is because he doesn't matter to Seishirou at all.]
The City of Tokyo: [is a lynchpin for the Apocalypse]
Subaru: [doesn't give a shit]
Subaru: [has battle / sexual tension with Seishirou]
Seishirou: [comes out on top. Always]
The forces of good the preservation of humanity: Subaru, you're on our side, right?
Subaru: Whatever.
Kamui: I'm in a really similar position to yours, Subaru. With the people-I-care-about-killing-each-other-and-ruining-my-life thing. And I have an awkward emulating-crush on you.
Subaru: Oh, fuck. I guess I'm involved.
The forces of evil the preservation of Earth at humanity's expense: Rock, the Sakurazukamori's one of us.
Seishirou: Whatever.
Fuma: It'll give you an excuse to torment the Sumeragi. And eat ice cream with me.
Seishirou: ^_^
Fuma: It's really good ice cream, too. Sprinkled with terrorism.
Fuma: [beats the crap out of Kamui]
Subaru: VETO. VETO IN THE--
Fuma: I'll see your veto and raise you an I LOOK LIKE SEISHIROU.
Subaru: --Oh. Oh, fuck me.
Fuma: In your right eye? Sure.
Kamui: [is a disconsolate wreck]
Subaru: Kamui-kun, don't feel guilty, I did this because I wanted to. Wait. Where have I heard that before?
Fuma: See, Sakurazukamori, I do this thing where I grant wishes. It's part of the being-Kamui thing. And Subaru's wish--his real one--is something only you can grant.
Seishirou: Let the games begin.
The City of Tokyo: [is fucked]
Rainbow Bridge: [is in no way an allegory for miscommunication]
Subaru: [has battle / sexual tension with Seishirou]
Seishirou: [ties Subaru up in cherry blossom vines]
Subaru: [induces pain in himself to break out of that] I'm yours. You don't have to cast illusions.
Seishirou: Isn't your true wish to kill me?
Subaru: You're wrong.
Seishirou: [moves in for the kill]
Subaru: [waits for it]
Subaru: --oh god, why is my hand through your chest?
Seishirou: Your sister. She cast a spell that prevented me from killing you, that would reflect the strike back on me. She wanted us both to live and be happy.
Subaru: But I wanted you to kill me. I wanted to matter to you.
Seishirou: You're too kind a person to ever kill someone. And I...you...
Seishirou's last words: [are known only to Subaru]
Subaru: You...never say what I expect you to say, do you.
Subaru: [sits around covered in Seishirou's blood for god knows how long]
Kamui: Why?
Subaru: There is no way for everyone to be happy.
Kamui: ...
Subaru: [abandons the forces of good]
Fuma: Here. We salvaged Seishirou's good eye from the wreckage. He wants you to have it because the one that's blind means that someone else violated you, and he wants you to belong to him completely.
Subaru: [takes the eye]
Fuma: Also, you're the Sakurazukamori now.
Subaru: ...Motherfucker.
Fuma: No really? Is that some kind of job requirement?
-
Digital Devil Saga 1 in Five Minutes or Less:
Ominous green text: [threatens loss of innocence]
Petulant white text: [protests this vehemently]
Embryon: [stake out the Vanguards]
Vanguards: [protect their turf]
Green egg: [is an anomaly]
Argilla: I make it clear that we are all emotionless husks with monotone voices carrying out our killing mission.
Gale: Especially me.
Serph: ...
Embryon: [attack]
Vanguards: [defend]
Green egg: [explodes]
REND SLAUGHTER DEVOUR YOUR ENEMIES
Agrilla: That hurt but I cannot express pain properly.
Sera: [lies naked in the middle of the wreckage]
Heat: [points at Sera] I am fixated on this.
Serph: ...
Heat: I am going to the Vanguards to grill them for information about this girl.
Argilla: I want an explanation.
Serph: ...
Harley: i have a personality now because the fear is too great YOU ATE ALL OF MY MEN.
Heat: ...Dude. Awesome.
Argilla: i have a personality now because the indignation is too great IT WASN'T ME.
Harley: Stay the Hell away--
Heat: i have a personality now because the obsession is too great WHO IS THE GIRL AND WHY AM I SO TURNED ON.
Harley the flaming zebrachicken: EAT OR BE EATEN. [dies spectactularly]
Gale: [goes berserk and tries to kill Cielo]
Cielo: See that demon? That is Gale.
Sera: Hi! I can sing you all out of the crazy. Listen~
Gale: Surely this girl is a military asset.
Angel: [overrides the system]
Tribe Leaders: [are introduced]
Varin Omega: i have a personality now because the pissed-offedness is too great SERPH I FUCKING HATE YOU.
Angel: Now go out there and kill each other so that you may ascend to Nirvana. Oh, and bring me the black-haired girl.
Serph: ?
Angel: YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARD--
Gale: I exhibit duplicitousness and deviousness in an emphatically clinical fashion.
Argilla: I really don't like this game anymore.
Gale: Let us ally with Jinana and then betray her because her tribe is weak.
Jinana: I expound on the nature of God and tragedy.
Argilla: I don't want to kill you.
Bat: Well, I want to kill you.
Heat: Tough titty. [hands Bat's ass to him]
Jinana: I think you are strong and interesting. Especially you, Argilla.
Bat: i have a personality now because the shame is too great YOU CAN'T TRUST THEM or me or anyone else.
Jinana: Go lick your wounds.
Bat: [glower]
Mick the Slug: [is turtling in his Citadel]
Alliance between the Maribel and the Embryon: [does not work]
Mick: [hands Jinana her own hot, atma-marked ass] i have a personality now because the testosterone is too great BWAHAHA.
Jinana: [is overcome with hunger]
Argilla: Motherfucker.
The party: [kills Jinana]
Jinana: i have a personali...ty...
Argilla: I have a grudge.
Dungeon: [is backward]
Bat: [is not so easily defeated this time] Oh and by the way--we've captured Sera and overrun your turf.
Argilla's breasts: You--son of a--
(Mith: [is not kidding])
Heat: You fucked up, Cielo.
Cielo: i have a personality now because the desire to prove myself is too great SUDDENLY I AM DE WHITEST JAMAICAN.
Dave Wittenberg: Aren't I versatile, Seishirou-san?
Coordinate 136: [is the best dungeon ever]
Twinklebell: THIS FAIRY TALE IS IN NO WAY A PARALLEL STORY. IN NO WAY AT ALL.
Heat: [is the evil prince]
Serph: [is the good prince]
Mick: [laughs at you all]
Sera: [jumps off the roof]
Cielo: [saves her ass] Haha, I'm not only de whitest Jamaican, I'm also de most badass!
Heat (and Serph, sort of): We'll tear you apart, you fat freak!
Mick: [dies spectactularly]
Gale: Let us destroy this ship which is inexplicably beached in a desert.
Sera: waah.
Argilla: [fails at cosplay]
Varin Omega: Call me Colonel Beck, bitch.
Bat: YOU'RE ALL THE SAME AS ME! ADMIT IT!
Argilla: Fuck you.
Bat: [dies spectactularly]
Heat: Serph can't protect you! Can't you see that I'm stronger than him?
Sera: Heat, you're hurting me--MMPH!
Heat: [rapekiss]
Sera: [whimpers, stops protesting, goes slack and cries]
Heat: Um...so...
Sera: [runs away crying]
Heat: Angst.
Gale: The rules of the game are changing and you are all irrational and unstable. Let us ally with what remains of the Wolves, with whom I am already somewhat familiar.
Lupa: I have a personality and it is honor incarnate.
Gale: What is this emotion? I seem to be aroused and confused by you.
Lupa: Have you ever seen a child in the Junkyard?
Party: --dude.
Lupa: Now you get it. This world does not make sense. Here, you protect Sera. I will go ahead and kill as many Brutes as I can.
Gale: I want to break the rules for you.
Lupa: [gives Gale his ring]
Gale: ...
Lupa: [is overcome by hunger]
The battle: [is fucking difficult]
Lupa: When you get to Nirvana, find my son. He'll be carrying an olive leaf.
Gale: [puts Lupa out of his misery] i have a--fuck this. Be you angel or demon, you will surely regret giving me this cursed power.
Varin Omega Colonel Beck: I know who you all really are! How can you follow this MAGNIFICENT BASTARD?
Serph: [innocent?]
Colonel Beck: I'm going to kill you all and get out of this hellhole!
The party: [reflects his attacks and undoes him that way because it's practical]
Colonel Beck: You're all just AIs that Sera created based on people I knew would never do stuff like this. That girl is the devil. [dies]
Cielo: ...dis doesn't feel like victory.
Gale: Let us go to the Karma tower and asend to Nirvana.
Heat: --wait, where'd Sera go?
The Karma Tower: [is fucking huge]
The party: [gets to the top of it]
Sera: Angel! Don't destroy my playworld.
Angel: Oh? Who's going to stop me?
The party: VETO--well, for the remaining 10% of the world.
Angel: Fine, I'll play with you.
Onmyo Harihara: [is not an allegory for hermaphroditism, not at all]
The party: [stalemates her]
The Junkyard: [is destroyed]
Gale: [rescues Angel]
Heat: [rescues Sera]
No one: [rescues Serph]--
Please insert Disc Two.
Nirvana: [does not exist]
-