Surviving
Sometimes I think I'm still standing there.. Pacing in the same waters. I know its not true, but it feels like it sometimes. I'm definitely doing better - in the midst of this chaos. But I don't know..
Some moments I wonder if it would've been better to have drowned over cutting cords. I will always choose myself first. And I will always, at the end of the day, take care of myself first. But some times it's just hard to accept that letting go and walking away is the best thing to do.
When you came into my life, I never thought I'd ever need to walk away, just to save my own sanity and life. I know we're not done, but we're not ever going to be at that place again where we used to be. Everything else feels like a distraction, even if that's not really the truth.. But it feels like it some times. Do I miss you? Yeah. Crazy much. But I can't do the pending, the fighting to not being pushed away, or dealing with the feelings of being alone in the midst of what was supposed to be the most important partnership in my life.
It wasn't easy, it was never easy. And the pain still lingers, like a hot wound by a knife in the middle of my chest. It's going to take a long time to heal from this.