Oh, right, there's no one here...
I made a crucial mistake yesterday - I decided to pick up a book I'd been waiting to read for a long time... and finished half of it before work... putting me in not such a great mood while at the bookstore. Then I came home and read the rest of it into the wee hours of the morning and was a mess of tears. I honestly didn't expect it to affect me as strongly as it did and it's been over a decade since I used to seek out upsetting reading material hoping to stir up any kind of emotion in me.
I posted a lot about it on Facebook, a huge mistake because the vast majority of my friends there don't know me and the ones who supposedly do, don't really respond to my posts. At one time that would've really upset me... "why is M getting more comments than me?" but now I realize that my time is better spent in spaces where I can write more freely. Still, I was sort of hoping someone would say "Wow, Jennifer, it looks like this gymnastics travesty with Larry Nassar is really upsetting you... did you want to talk?"
Today I had to drive B and I to a larger store 40 minutes away so we could be trained on a new membership program we're rolling out soon. B is one of the few friends I've made in the past 3 years that I do feel comfortable in discussing most things but I don't think he is a safe person to talk about issues of sexual abuse, not being believed, churches who blame women for abuse (remember the story of Dinah? That was her fault). I talked a little about books and how you can't always predict how something is going to affect you when your triggers have changed (I didn't say that part). But with B. it's all about him (not in a self-centered way exactly, but he does like to talk!) and so I learned the origins of the hamburger and just celebrated the fact that I'm ok with that.
If you get a chance to read What is a Girl Worth?, please do. It does talk about Larry Nassar but it also talks about men and women who fail to report abuse because winning medals, keeping a church cohesive, not stirring the pot is worth more than saving a girl's life. So many times girls came forward and accused Nassar and were not believed... and now his victims number the thousands. Rachael goes beyond a clinical discussion of what happened - she spent a lot of time being really open about the effect of sexual abuse on her life. Things you don't think about if you are not a victim. Things I had forgotten. Pain I had forgotten.
I posted a lot about it on Facebook, a huge mistake because the vast majority of my friends there don't know me and the ones who supposedly do, don't really respond to my posts. At one time that would've really upset me... "why is M getting more comments than me?" but now I realize that my time is better spent in spaces where I can write more freely. Still, I was sort of hoping someone would say "Wow, Jennifer, it looks like this gymnastics travesty with Larry Nassar is really upsetting you... did you want to talk?"
Today I had to drive B and I to a larger store 40 minutes away so we could be trained on a new membership program we're rolling out soon. B is one of the few friends I've made in the past 3 years that I do feel comfortable in discussing most things but I don't think he is a safe person to talk about issues of sexual abuse, not being believed, churches who blame women for abuse (remember the story of Dinah? That was her fault). I talked a little about books and how you can't always predict how something is going to affect you when your triggers have changed (I didn't say that part). But with B. it's all about him (not in a self-centered way exactly, but he does like to talk!) and so I learned the origins of the hamburger and just celebrated the fact that I'm ok with that.
If you get a chance to read What is a Girl Worth?, please do. It does talk about Larry Nassar but it also talks about men and women who fail to report abuse because winning medals, keeping a church cohesive, not stirring the pot is worth more than saving a girl's life. So many times girls came forward and accused Nassar and were not believed... and now his victims number the thousands. Rachael goes beyond a clinical discussion of what happened - she spent a lot of time being really open about the effect of sexual abuse on her life. Things you don't think about if you are not a victim. Things I had forgotten. Pain I had forgotten.