Some things I've been meaning to Say for Some Time
This list may alienate me from some of you. However, this is my journal, where I can say what I want. This may be passive aggressive, it may be openly combative, but I am really, really tired of feeling like I am somehow Part of the Problem. We are all part of the problem, just as we can be part of the solution, but blaming individuals does not help. This is my way of alleviating guilt which really should never have been mine in the first place.
I am not Sorry that:
. . .I was laid off and am collecting unemployment while I pursue a stupid dream. No, I will not go get a job at Publix or take the first wretched job that comes along to make myself feel better.
. . .two movies I really liked this summer have caused all kinds of hysterical people to see what they want to see and fling opinions. As far as I am concerned, Wall E was about personal responsibility. So was The Dark Knight. Are both open to interpretation? Certainly, but frankly I am sick of being judged as a person by the entertainment media I take in. And open, objective interpretation of art ends when people start to take things to mean 'If you like this, it must mean X about you.' I'm sorry, but my enjoyment of a children's movie about a robot searching for love and a man who dresses up like a bat to scare criminals into compliance does not 'mean something' about my political ideology.
. . .I am not fat. Nope, just not sorry. I am sorry that being fat might make people more comfortable with me, or like me better as a person, but that is not my problem. Don't get me wrong; the Fat Acceptance movement is something that certainly opened my eyes to problems facing many people, but it stops at the implication that I am somehow a walking talking cause for other people's misery. I personally am not the reason other people are sad or unhappy with their lives. If I empathize or try to reach out, I get rebuffed with 'What would you know about it, you aren't fat.' You're right, by certain standards I am not fat. That doesn't mean I have lived a glorious golden life of privilege where I get along perfectly with everyone and everyone who looks at me wants to put a little crown on my head and call me Princess for a day. It certainly can't mean that some girls in high school convinced a teacher that I was a lesbian and worshiped Satan and caused that teacher to contact my parents, who immediately put me in therapy and on medication without every explaining why (yes, this really happened). Nope, it must mean that if I really wanted to, I could color my hair blond and be a part of that beautiful thin life of perfection and acceptance that so many people will never have. If you think this sounds more scathing than it needs to be, it is. I am tired of having worked so hard to reach an acceptance with my body and appearance that other people can't accept.
. . .I am not a vegetarian. I have dabbled, I often eat vegetarian meals, but I enjoy eating meat and poultry. I have my own beliefs about this process, and will not internalize someone else's guilt concerning it. I respect and think about every single piece of meat that I ingest, and what sort of animal it came from. My thoughts border on reverence. I have known where meat comes from ever since I was four years old. I want better conditions for the animals that I ingest, and I think better conditions and reduced consumption of meat is the most realistic goal for many people. Keeping meat animals presents many problems, but the Human Race only backs down from challenges if they threaten the status quo, and I feel it is possible to find a solution to the problems of greenhouse emissions, land use, and the animals' poor living conditions if people want to change those things badly enough that doesn't simply counsel 'don't involve yourself in it.'
. . .I am not universally liked. Just never have been. I try, I talk to people, I interact, but rarely do I make new friends. But I am happy. Where I go wrong is when I try to hold myself up to someone else's standard. I am combative, short-tempered, peculiar in my interests, and overly defensive at times. I have tried to change, and managed to do so in some ways, but I find myself frustrated in many other ways and often feel that I am 'not good enough.' Rather than deal with the constant disappointment, I have accepted that it is not my purpose to be everything to everyone. I am what I need me to be. That's all.
. . . I am not religious or spiritual in any sense. I am a secular humanist, a phrase I've only recently learned but which I feel perfectly encapsulates my lifelong attempts to learn how to be the best person I can be. I am continually learning new things about myself and this wonderful world, but I do not feel it necessary to pay homage to an incorporeal presence while doing so. My actions may be judged by myself, the people I care about, and even complete strangers because I do not live in a vacuum and am often viewed out of context.
. . . I am an American. My country is being run by a crazy man and his cabal of ghouls, and historically my country has been involved in many unnecessary wars and conflicts, and overseas political maneuvers in which we had no business. People in my country speak as though other countries were struggling to learn from our example, or needed correction here and there to follow in our mighty footsteps. I do not agree with these people. No other country's anthem is 'We're Number 2!' I believe that diplomacy is necessary, but wars protecting political interests overseas are not. When people speak about stupid Americans, I accept that I am grouped in with people that I have nothing in common with, based on my geographic location. If someone wants to dismiss me because of the country I was born in, let them. They weren't interested in learning anything more than superficial knowledge anyway. My country has problems, but so does everyone else's.
So those are some things that have been bothering me recently. I welcome any remarks, comments, or feedback.
I am not Sorry that:
. . .I was laid off and am collecting unemployment while I pursue a stupid dream. No, I will not go get a job at Publix or take the first wretched job that comes along to make myself feel better.
. . .two movies I really liked this summer have caused all kinds of hysterical people to see what they want to see and fling opinions. As far as I am concerned, Wall E was about personal responsibility. So was The Dark Knight. Are both open to interpretation? Certainly, but frankly I am sick of being judged as a person by the entertainment media I take in. And open, objective interpretation of art ends when people start to take things to mean 'If you like this, it must mean X about you.' I'm sorry, but my enjoyment of a children's movie about a robot searching for love and a man who dresses up like a bat to scare criminals into compliance does not 'mean something' about my political ideology.
. . .I am not fat. Nope, just not sorry. I am sorry that being fat might make people more comfortable with me, or like me better as a person, but that is not my problem. Don't get me wrong; the Fat Acceptance movement is something that certainly opened my eyes to problems facing many people, but it stops at the implication that I am somehow a walking talking cause for other people's misery. I personally am not the reason other people are sad or unhappy with their lives. If I empathize or try to reach out, I get rebuffed with 'What would you know about it, you aren't fat.' You're right, by certain standards I am not fat. That doesn't mean I have lived a glorious golden life of privilege where I get along perfectly with everyone and everyone who looks at me wants to put a little crown on my head and call me Princess for a day. It certainly can't mean that some girls in high school convinced a teacher that I was a lesbian and worshiped Satan and caused that teacher to contact my parents, who immediately put me in therapy and on medication without every explaining why (yes, this really happened). Nope, it must mean that if I really wanted to, I could color my hair blond and be a part of that beautiful thin life of perfection and acceptance that so many people will never have. If you think this sounds more scathing than it needs to be, it is. I am tired of having worked so hard to reach an acceptance with my body and appearance that other people can't accept.
. . .I am not a vegetarian. I have dabbled, I often eat vegetarian meals, but I enjoy eating meat and poultry. I have my own beliefs about this process, and will not internalize someone else's guilt concerning it. I respect and think about every single piece of meat that I ingest, and what sort of animal it came from. My thoughts border on reverence. I have known where meat comes from ever since I was four years old. I want better conditions for the animals that I ingest, and I think better conditions and reduced consumption of meat is the most realistic goal for many people. Keeping meat animals presents many problems, but the Human Race only backs down from challenges if they threaten the status quo, and I feel it is possible to find a solution to the problems of greenhouse emissions, land use, and the animals' poor living conditions if people want to change those things badly enough that doesn't simply counsel 'don't involve yourself in it.'
. . .I am not universally liked. Just never have been. I try, I talk to people, I interact, but rarely do I make new friends. But I am happy. Where I go wrong is when I try to hold myself up to someone else's standard. I am combative, short-tempered, peculiar in my interests, and overly defensive at times. I have tried to change, and managed to do so in some ways, but I find myself frustrated in many other ways and often feel that I am 'not good enough.' Rather than deal with the constant disappointment, I have accepted that it is not my purpose to be everything to everyone. I am what I need me to be. That's all.
. . . I am not religious or spiritual in any sense. I am a secular humanist, a phrase I've only recently learned but which I feel perfectly encapsulates my lifelong attempts to learn how to be the best person I can be. I am continually learning new things about myself and this wonderful world, but I do not feel it necessary to pay homage to an incorporeal presence while doing so. My actions may be judged by myself, the people I care about, and even complete strangers because I do not live in a vacuum and am often viewed out of context.
. . . I am an American. My country is being run by a crazy man and his cabal of ghouls, and historically my country has been involved in many unnecessary wars and conflicts, and overseas political maneuvers in which we had no business. People in my country speak as though other countries were struggling to learn from our example, or needed correction here and there to follow in our mighty footsteps. I do not agree with these people. No other country's anthem is 'We're Number 2!' I believe that diplomacy is necessary, but wars protecting political interests overseas are not. When people speak about stupid Americans, I accept that I am grouped in with people that I have nothing in common with, based on my geographic location. If someone wants to dismiss me because of the country I was born in, let them. They weren't interested in learning anything more than superficial knowledge anyway. My country has problems, but so does everyone else's.
So those are some things that have been bothering me recently. I welcome any remarks, comments, or feedback.