Review: Frank Miller's 300
First off, I'm not dead.
I'm still sick as a dog, and I feel wretched. But my illness has not killed me.
Neither did the fatal shooting that occurred four buildings down from mine in my apartment complex early this morning. All I know is what the Leasing office enclosed in their note: a domestic dispute involving a gun, neither of the parties involved were residents of the complex, and the shooter as of about 4PM was still being apprehended by Orange County Sheriff's Department. I guess I'll have to watch the news or search websites for more info.
Which encouraged me, even though I still felt like microwaved hell, to get out of der sickhaus and attend Le Cinema. Not that I am suddenly afraid to stay in my house or that I think my complex is some war-torn ghetto, but I did spend two and a half days in the house being sick, and damn if I wasn't tired of my own stink.
This is what good graphic novel adaptations look like. Of course any film made in the future can't be held to the same standard as something like 300 that is a simple, straightforward and yet compelling story, but my god they can try.
True to the material, beautiful art direction, beautiful imagery, absolutely MAGNIFICENT costumes (I covet everything that anyone wore, even Ephialtes the hunchback) fight scenes like a cross between the Bolshoi Ballet and the carnage of Grand Guignol, great use of tension in the spaces between characters, dialogue that was both thoughtful and clever, interesting characters, and of course, a whole lot of diamond-cut men in tiny pants.
With CAPES! And not lame Dracula capes that came out of a bag and that need to be confiscated at the door of goth clubs because they make everyone look bad, REAL capes. They had weight, had flow, they moved in a way that looked fluid and natural and yet weren't too distracting from the combat. Frank Miller draws capes well, as evinced in his Dark Knight books, and seeing one on the screen that behaves in the way he draws them is a sight to behold. The Lord of the Rings' capes (I can't believe how much time I'm devoting to this topic) were great, and Superman's cape didn't disappoint, they were capes to be reckoned with, but they were always a bit too short. The Spartans' capes dragged on the ground most of the time, and were muddy to prove it. God they were great capes.
I could talk about their tiny pants, but I'll just spare you that indignity. I'll rave about that on my own time.
Gerard Butler is Sean Connery reborn with a six-pack. I haven't seen him in much else (does Dracula 2000 count? It really shouldn't; Let's not speak of it) and so for me he was a fresh face. He carried his lines well, and made real a character who carries the weight of his people's future in the lines of his face. You really didn't see a whole Spartan city-state, there was no 'Gladiator' style crowd scene with thousands of people, but the constant reminder of what responsibilities he carried as a leader were with him. Certainly he did a foolish thing in going off to fight a war with 300 warriors, but he left behind his entire army to defend the people in the event of his failure. The Leonidas of the book was always distant, it was impossible to connect with him because he was essentially a living legend and those never seem human. But Butler took that character (or maybe the director did it for him) and made his mind more accessible, if not his actions more acceptable.
David Wenham is always fun. Even though this movie wasn't about fun (but it sort of is) he added the right touch of comedy (I read somewhere he's more of a comedian in Australia) to a movie that could have sunk under the weight of its own gravitas. The comedic scenes were not his alone of course, but he was rather a welcome face to see when he made an appearance. This is certainly a serious movie, and I think a lot of people misjudged it from the previews as another Scorpion King (there were a LOT of kids under 12 in the theater, at least too many in my opinion). What they got was more like an episode of Rome with a gigantic budget and less dialogue, but there weren't too many disappointed faces coming out of the theater. Wenham was a winning choice, and though nothing could have saved Van Helsing from being anything more than a beer and chicken wings movie, he certainly made an attempt.
Rodrigo Santoro, whose existence was entirely unknown to me before this movie, was superb as Xerxes. He oozes the arrogance that an assumptive God-King would ooze when faced with what he deems a barbarian upstart. At this time he was the ruler of the known earth, or at least the larger more civilized nations worth conquering, in his mind. It would be sort of like if Dubya (take the leap with me!) were faced with Delaware suddenly demanding to be its own free nation. It is inconceivable to him that someone would spurn being a part of his kingdom, as the only way he knows is the safety of the herd. OR at least, the safety of being in charge of the herd.
Also, he's eight feet tall and his makeup is making Rupaul throw fits of righteous jealousy right now.
The man wears a body suit of gold charms incredibly well. Kudos!
The Queen (played by Lena Headey, also entirely unknown to my radar until now) played much better than I thought she would. She's a pretty wiry little thing, which in a society that throws away babies deemed 'unfit' into a chasm would probably be nothing unusual, but she also had an iron will that she could reveal and conceal at will. I think she was a great choice for the role, mostly because of that ability to show depth and because the roles of women in ancient society left a little to be desired by today's standards (yay! my life is to serve and make babies but I have all the rights of furniture! yay!) so we need to see a woman on the screen doing something involved with the plot. A subplot was added concerning her attempts to rule while her King is away, and it was so well integrated that you really can't even see the seams where it was added.
It's definitely bloodier than Lord of the Rings, but the violence doesn't have the cartoonish quality of Kill Bill. Which is intentional of course: each wound, each death is shown to be what it is--the difference between slavery and freedom for the people of the city-state of Sparta--and nothing more. Even though the characters show a naked lust for violence, it's quite clear that A. this is just normal to them, this is their life, and B. This is what they train their whole lives for, and what they were born to do. The Spartans in this film are not people who will go home and make pots and pans. War is their profession, and dying means they didn't train hard enough, end of story.
In all? This is going in my top 50. I know that doesn't seem like top honors or anything, but I've seen a lot of movies, and there are two trilogies and a duo that take up a lot of space. I'm beginning to also judge film by how completely immersive the experience is, as a larger part of why I see films these days is escapism, pure and simple.
I'm sure there's talk already going on about 'What does it mean in a political context?' and that's great. I'll do that when I'm drunk in a few weeks, but otherwise I'm just basking in the afterglow of an amazingly fun ride.
- How the christ did those women stand having all those golden chains all over them when they went on break? Or Mr. Santoro? Were 'link imprints' a hazard on the set? Were pieces easily detachable, like the trapdoor in old fashioned longjohns? I would hope so, that people could sit down without fear of their asses looking like silly putty left on a pile of legos?
- Whenever someone mentioned 'Hot Gates' I giggled a little. And not because of the inherent silliness of the name itself, but because in one of Frank Miller's other works there is a Porn star named 'Hot Gates.' And suddenly, the deadly plan of herding millions of Persians into the Hot Gates became very funny.
-I also couldn't stop thinking 'Hot Pants' when the aforementioned chasm was named. 'There the Persians will meet their doom, in the agony of the Hot Pants!' Because the entire Spartan army seemed so outfitted.
- I'm pretty sure people will be cutting this to show in clubs on projectors. What will be worth seeing will be what's cut and why. The Castle's version might be entirely devoid of scenes of built men running in slow motion, and the Parliament House version will be nothing but! Wheeee!
- The industry of male stripping just got a whole lot more interesting. Who wants a fireman or a cop when you can have a Spartan? Twice the naked in one eighth the time! Now that's getting your money's worth!
- To work a beard like that, one must be Scottish or Jewish. I'm pretty sure the power comes from the outthrust jaw. Especially as Leonidas could say long sentences and multisyllabic words without his beard flapping ridiculously. The Athenians, not so much.
I've got more, but I'll stop. For the good of humanity I'll stop!
Good night y'all!
I'm still sick as a dog, and I feel wretched. But my illness has not killed me.
Neither did the fatal shooting that occurred four buildings down from mine in my apartment complex early this morning. All I know is what the Leasing office enclosed in their note: a domestic dispute involving a gun, neither of the parties involved were residents of the complex, and the shooter as of about 4PM was still being apprehended by Orange County Sheriff's Department. I guess I'll have to watch the news or search websites for more info.
Which encouraged me, even though I still felt like microwaved hell, to get out of der sickhaus and attend Le Cinema. Not that I am suddenly afraid to stay in my house or that I think my complex is some war-torn ghetto, but I did spend two and a half days in the house being sick, and damn if I wasn't tired of my own stink.
This is what good graphic novel adaptations look like. Of course any film made in the future can't be held to the same standard as something like 300 that is a simple, straightforward and yet compelling story, but my god they can try.
True to the material, beautiful art direction, beautiful imagery, absolutely MAGNIFICENT costumes (I covet everything that anyone wore, even Ephialtes the hunchback) fight scenes like a cross between the Bolshoi Ballet and the carnage of Grand Guignol, great use of tension in the spaces between characters, dialogue that was both thoughtful and clever, interesting characters, and of course, a whole lot of diamond-cut men in tiny pants.
With CAPES! And not lame Dracula capes that came out of a bag and that need to be confiscated at the door of goth clubs because they make everyone look bad, REAL capes. They had weight, had flow, they moved in a way that looked fluid and natural and yet weren't too distracting from the combat. Frank Miller draws capes well, as evinced in his Dark Knight books, and seeing one on the screen that behaves in the way he draws them is a sight to behold. The Lord of the Rings' capes (I can't believe how much time I'm devoting to this topic) were great, and Superman's cape didn't disappoint, they were capes to be reckoned with, but they were always a bit too short. The Spartans' capes dragged on the ground most of the time, and were muddy to prove it. God they were great capes.
I could talk about their tiny pants, but I'll just spare you that indignity. I'll rave about that on my own time.
Gerard Butler is Sean Connery reborn with a six-pack. I haven't seen him in much else (does Dracula 2000 count? It really shouldn't; Let's not speak of it) and so for me he was a fresh face. He carried his lines well, and made real a character who carries the weight of his people's future in the lines of his face. You really didn't see a whole Spartan city-state, there was no 'Gladiator' style crowd scene with thousands of people, but the constant reminder of what responsibilities he carried as a leader were with him. Certainly he did a foolish thing in going off to fight a war with 300 warriors, but he left behind his entire army to defend the people in the event of his failure. The Leonidas of the book was always distant, it was impossible to connect with him because he was essentially a living legend and those never seem human. But Butler took that character (or maybe the director did it for him) and made his mind more accessible, if not his actions more acceptable.
David Wenham is always fun. Even though this movie wasn't about fun (but it sort of is) he added the right touch of comedy (I read somewhere he's more of a comedian in Australia) to a movie that could have sunk under the weight of its own gravitas. The comedic scenes were not his alone of course, but he was rather a welcome face to see when he made an appearance. This is certainly a serious movie, and I think a lot of people misjudged it from the previews as another Scorpion King (there were a LOT of kids under 12 in the theater, at least too many in my opinion). What they got was more like an episode of Rome with a gigantic budget and less dialogue, but there weren't too many disappointed faces coming out of the theater. Wenham was a winning choice, and though nothing could have saved Van Helsing from being anything more than a beer and chicken wings movie, he certainly made an attempt.
Rodrigo Santoro, whose existence was entirely unknown to me before this movie, was superb as Xerxes. He oozes the arrogance that an assumptive God-King would ooze when faced with what he deems a barbarian upstart. At this time he was the ruler of the known earth, or at least the larger more civilized nations worth conquering, in his mind. It would be sort of like if Dubya (take the leap with me!) were faced with Delaware suddenly demanding to be its own free nation. It is inconceivable to him that someone would spurn being a part of his kingdom, as the only way he knows is the safety of the herd. OR at least, the safety of being in charge of the herd.
Also, he's eight feet tall and his makeup is making Rupaul throw fits of righteous jealousy right now.
The man wears a body suit of gold charms incredibly well. Kudos!
The Queen (played by Lena Headey, also entirely unknown to my radar until now) played much better than I thought she would. She's a pretty wiry little thing, which in a society that throws away babies deemed 'unfit' into a chasm would probably be nothing unusual, but she also had an iron will that she could reveal and conceal at will. I think she was a great choice for the role, mostly because of that ability to show depth and because the roles of women in ancient society left a little to be desired by today's standards (yay! my life is to serve and make babies but I have all the rights of furniture! yay!) so we need to see a woman on the screen doing something involved with the plot. A subplot was added concerning her attempts to rule while her King is away, and it was so well integrated that you really can't even see the seams where it was added.
It's definitely bloodier than Lord of the Rings, but the violence doesn't have the cartoonish quality of Kill Bill. Which is intentional of course: each wound, each death is shown to be what it is--the difference between slavery and freedom for the people of the city-state of Sparta--and nothing more. Even though the characters show a naked lust for violence, it's quite clear that A. this is just normal to them, this is their life, and B. This is what they train their whole lives for, and what they were born to do. The Spartans in this film are not people who will go home and make pots and pans. War is their profession, and dying means they didn't train hard enough, end of story.
In all? This is going in my top 50. I know that doesn't seem like top honors or anything, but I've seen a lot of movies, and there are two trilogies and a duo that take up a lot of space. I'm beginning to also judge film by how completely immersive the experience is, as a larger part of why I see films these days is escapism, pure and simple.
I'm sure there's talk already going on about 'What does it mean in a political context?' and that's great. I'll do that when I'm drunk in a few weeks, but otherwise I'm just basking in the afterglow of an amazingly fun ride.
- How the christ did those women stand having all those golden chains all over them when they went on break? Or Mr. Santoro? Were 'link imprints' a hazard on the set? Were pieces easily detachable, like the trapdoor in old fashioned longjohns? I would hope so, that people could sit down without fear of their asses looking like silly putty left on a pile of legos?
- Whenever someone mentioned 'Hot Gates' I giggled a little. And not because of the inherent silliness of the name itself, but because in one of Frank Miller's other works there is a Porn star named 'Hot Gates.' And suddenly, the deadly plan of herding millions of Persians into the Hot Gates became very funny.
-I also couldn't stop thinking 'Hot Pants' when the aforementioned chasm was named. 'There the Persians will meet their doom, in the agony of the Hot Pants!' Because the entire Spartan army seemed so outfitted.
- I'm pretty sure people will be cutting this to show in clubs on projectors. What will be worth seeing will be what's cut and why. The Castle's version might be entirely devoid of scenes of built men running in slow motion, and the Parliament House version will be nothing but! Wheeee!
- The industry of male stripping just got a whole lot more interesting. Who wants a fireman or a cop when you can have a Spartan? Twice the naked in one eighth the time! Now that's getting your money's worth!
- To work a beard like that, one must be Scottish or Jewish. I'm pretty sure the power comes from the outthrust jaw. Especially as Leonidas could say long sentences and multisyllabic words without his beard flapping ridiculously. The Athenians, not so much.
I've got more, but I'll stop. For the good of humanity I'll stop!
Good night y'all!