My Horoscope for the year.

[mitai]

This week, demons and gypsies will try to break into your house to steal your secrets! Cover your home with saffron and gooseberries to protect its sanctity and make sure your windows are coated with a light dusting of chimp mucus. This will prevent demons and gypsies from entering and your secrets will be safe. Your anger is an emotion which needs controlling. Try staring at your toilet for 3 hours constantly in order to calm down a little. Another form of anger control would be to staple pretzels to your nipples and ask your Grandma for an acorn. This is an ancient technique used by the female Amazonian warriors during pre-Biblical times, in order to avoid getting angry at men, and accidentally melting their heads for fun.

Get your yearly horoscope from www.crazyhoroscopes.com. Me? I'll be buying chimp mucus and wondering what I do with the acorn once I have it. On the other hand, accidentally melting mens' heads for fun sounds quite attractive . . .