(no subject)
So a month has passed & things did occur.
I finally kept my promise & went up to Buffalo. Things have changed, but not as much as I thought. The people who I was around let me feel at home once again. It was the best feeling i've had all year thus far. When I left I was a broken mess. I couldn't sleep because I was so upset. Not for what I left, but what I was going to return to.
The following Thursday I started to feel a tickle in my thoat. That tickle turned into soreness. The soreness turned into nausea, sweats, dizziness & horrible sneezing & coughing. It was my first time getting sick & no... I was not grateful. I had so much work to accomplish but I couldn't because it was hard for me to even sit up for extended period of time. Needless to say, it sucked.
Everyday in Binghamton is now painful. I can taste my freedom, but it's just ten days out of reach. I can't even explain how bad I want out. I have never felt like this in school. I'm angry every day & sad every night. I miss my family. Above all, I really miss Ben.
Walking back from the gym today I realized what Ben was talking about when he said that distance can force couples to break up. For the first time since we got together, I thought about how it could just be easier to not have a relationship at all then struggle with distance. Even though it was a fleeing thought... it scared me. Is it worth "throwing" away everything that you have with someone just because it's so hard when you're not together? Or is the reward of the moments spending with them greater? Sometimes... I don't even know anymore. I hate thinking this. I really do... but it happens.
I just crave change. I need a makeover of everything: my outside, my inside, my surroundings. Will it make things better? One can only hope.
I finally kept my promise & went up to Buffalo. Things have changed, but not as much as I thought. The people who I was around let me feel at home once again. It was the best feeling i've had all year thus far. When I left I was a broken mess. I couldn't sleep because I was so upset. Not for what I left, but what I was going to return to.
The following Thursday I started to feel a tickle in my thoat. That tickle turned into soreness. The soreness turned into nausea, sweats, dizziness & horrible sneezing & coughing. It was my first time getting sick & no... I was not grateful. I had so much work to accomplish but I couldn't because it was hard for me to even sit up for extended period of time. Needless to say, it sucked.
Everyday in Binghamton is now painful. I can taste my freedom, but it's just ten days out of reach. I can't even explain how bad I want out. I have never felt like this in school. I'm angry every day & sad every night. I miss my family. Above all, I really miss Ben.
Walking back from the gym today I realized what Ben was talking about when he said that distance can force couples to break up. For the first time since we got together, I thought about how it could just be easier to not have a relationship at all then struggle with distance. Even though it was a fleeing thought... it scared me. Is it worth "throwing" away everything that you have with someone just because it's so hard when you're not together? Or is the reward of the moments spending with them greater? Sometimes... I don't even know anymore. I hate thinking this. I really do... but it happens.
I just crave change. I need a makeover of everything: my outside, my inside, my surroundings. Will it make things better? One can only hope.