at crossroads.

[misuke]

there are so many things i want to do.
sewing, designing clothes makes me happy, even though right now, i suck at drafting patterns and drawing out the designs i want.
looking at pretty clothes on magazines and lookbook makes me really happy too.
but, could this be just another phase?
do i really know what i want?
while reading parakiss (hahaha of all the things i should be doing now), i had an epiphany.
sometimes, what you want isn't what you'll get.
if i successfully make it into fashion school, filled with hopes and ideals, chances are that i'll still end up having to compromise.
will i ever learn how to?
and even if i do make it into the school, will i adapt? is it really what i want? am i ready to move away from the status quo?
F, T, AJ came to my house today.
F said something about me gaining freedom in 5 months' time.
perhaps i should just complete my As, then go try for fashion school?
or should i just leave now and try to build up my portfolio, which could significantly improve my chances of getting in?
i realise i'm pretty much rambling.
oh wells.
school tmr.
i'm going to ask about the procedures for withdrawal from exams.
wish me luck.

x-posted to my blogger.