Lots of thinking...
While I was practicing my pieces on the piano just now, lots of thoughts went through my mind (I really wonder how my mind can do multi-tasking, since I needed to think about my pieces too...) that I've stopped halfway to think.
There are times that I'm definitely thankful for many things that came into my life. Thankful that I have whatever I have at home to fulfill my dreams of completing the things that I want and needed to complete. Thankful that I have recently met some of the people around me through my own social circle to learn to know more about them. Thankful that I have life obstacles to go through that makes me turn to be a much stronger person in terms of emotional quotient level. Thankful that I have turned to be more wary and be more careful with myself after seeing things that I have never seen before in some of the people's character.
I wanted to write something with regards to what I've been facing lately in here but after many thoughts out of it, I decided against it. I don't even have the energy to start explaining things to people around me because I know no matter how much I've explained, nothing will get into their heads anyway. I have my own principles and no matter whatever it is, I still stick by it. Just somehow or rather, I feel sick explaining when you even see people whom you're close to, kept pestering/questioning you 5 over times or just gave you the look as if...*sighs*...
Never mind.
=============================================================================================
Had a long chat with Iris on Monday in Ice Monster (we're there because I wanted to eat their desserts... their desserts are YUM!) after the workshop at LaSelle ends (I was there for the string quartet performance during the workshop...Had a fulfilled workshop...) and had begun to learn many things from each other. That both of our characters are seemingly alike, maybe because it's due to our own heritage and lineage (Both of us are Peranakans...) and that we both almost share the same views on many things. I do agree with her that to an extent, we feel like as if we have known each other for a very long time. =)
It's great to know such a person in my life because we shared almost exactly the same and even though I known her since May, there are still many things to find out from her. I hope God will lead the way into knowing each other better and hopefully such a friendship would carry on for a lifetime. In fact, I'm excited as there are many things ahead of the way that I've learned about from her. Haha.. such as her future compositions. The fact that I would be able to play her future compositions (especially something big that is soon going to happen) is an honour because I do think that she would make a fine composer.
Hmmm.. Many more months and years to come though.
==============================================================================================
Judging on whatever I have earned now is never an easy road, you have to understand that. I realized that if I want to succeed in life, there are quite a number of things to be sacrificed at. There are so many commitments, so many things that I want to complete and just to fulfill them. But at the same time, I also want to make sure that I'm in contact with the world, with my close friends around me. And to juggle these kind of things at one go, it's not easy. Really. To socialize, to keep in contact with closest friends and yet to juggle your own commitments... can you just imagine how much will it kill you?
'Forgo your commitments! Be with us!' is something that I believe each and everyone of you are trying to tell me. But please, if you know me well enough, I don't want to drop these commitments till I believe that I've fulfill them. These are my dreams, my wishes and it's not easy to ask me to let go. The only time that you'll see me letting go, is the only time that I will get married, and be a SAHM, teaching music at home to bring in extra income. But before that, I want to work hard to make sure that I can get what I want and to have an easy life in the later years to come. If I get married, even better... both parties don't need to worry about making the day ends meet because we know that we've already worked hard in our earlier years.
My Dad always used to tell me when I was young,"Work hard in your early life. Be able to accept all kinds of hardships and be willing to make certain sacrifices on your own. So that in your later part of your life, you won't suffer that much." And I still hold true to that.
I don't ask for any understanding from you guys, if you're reading this. I don't expect any returns whenever I render my unconditional help to you all. Nor I don't want to see myself kept explaining things to you like as if I really do owe an explanation. But I really hope that there'll be an ounce of sensitiveness to my current lifestyle that I'm facing right now. Not that I don't want to spend time with you guys, I really want to. But if you're facing with work the next day, with the morning that you have to wake up (hey, I've been losing sleep for 3 weeks already, do you know that?)... or if you have to face the reality that you're "leaving" away from your own family because of your own commitments with you always coming home everyday at 1am, I'm sure there are times that you may need to think of spending more time at home rather than outside.
Plus the money that I've earned, it's all about hard-earned money, gained from all the teachings that I have. I need to travel around Singapore due to my music commitments, I need to pay some stuff on my own and I need to keep thinking of how to spend my money wisely so that some of the money left in my account would be kept for 'rainy days'. As an individual on your own, have you actually thought about this? I know, once in a while, it's good. It's good for the nerves and it's all about hyping up yourself. But I've already passed my heydays of clubbing and smoking. I had enough. No more for that kind of lifestyle that I'm leading. All I want to lead is a normal, fulfilling lifestyle that will enrich my life forever. I've learned my lesson well enough throughout my 3-years of poly education. I don't want to repeat history, ever again.
In addition, I do respect my own principles and my own way of doing things. I don't need anyone to question me nor telling me what to do and what not to do because I don't think you have the right to tell me off, no doubt that you're my friend. You can advise me what to do, but telling me off and saying something aside from telling me off are the things that already put me off immediately. I don't need these kind of things to control my own lifestyle. I have an independent thinking and I know exactly what I'm doing.
All these things are the thoughts that came through my mind while practicing my pieces. I didn't mean to say such things but these are the thoughts that have been embattling in my mind. I admit, I changed. But I believe that I changed into a person whereby I stick my own principles, whereby I've become a little more pragmatic and not seeing things in general. Believe me, when you start handling things on your own or when you start facing things outside in the world on your own, mindsets will change over time.
That's me. If you guys fail to accept for whom I am now, then I really don't know what to say. Like I say, the "old" Marilyn has gone and this is the "new" Marilyn that you've seen in me.
Then again, I don't require you to accept me... It doesn't matter to me anymore longer. *shrugs*. I have my own life to lead and I got other better things to do. I hope I don't need to spend 2 hours writing this post, anymore longer.
There are times that I'm definitely thankful for many things that came into my life. Thankful that I have whatever I have at home to fulfill my dreams of completing the things that I want and needed to complete. Thankful that I have recently met some of the people around me through my own social circle to learn to know more about them. Thankful that I have life obstacles to go through that makes me turn to be a much stronger person in terms of emotional quotient level. Thankful that I have turned to be more wary and be more careful with myself after seeing things that I have never seen before in some of the people's character.
I wanted to write something with regards to what I've been facing lately in here but after many thoughts out of it, I decided against it. I don't even have the energy to start explaining things to people around me because I know no matter how much I've explained, nothing will get into their heads anyway. I have my own principles and no matter whatever it is, I still stick by it. Just somehow or rather, I feel sick explaining when you even see people whom you're close to, kept pestering/questioning you 5 over times or just gave you the look as if...*sighs*...
Never mind.
=============================================================================================
Had a long chat with Iris on Monday in Ice Monster (we're there because I wanted to eat their desserts... their desserts are YUM!) after the workshop at LaSelle ends (I was there for the string quartet performance during the workshop...Had a fulfilled workshop...) and had begun to learn many things from each other. That both of our characters are seemingly alike, maybe because it's due to our own heritage and lineage (Both of us are Peranakans...) and that we both almost share the same views on many things. I do agree with her that to an extent, we feel like as if we have known each other for a very long time. =)
It's great to know such a person in my life because we shared almost exactly the same and even though I known her since May, there are still many things to find out from her. I hope God will lead the way into knowing each other better and hopefully such a friendship would carry on for a lifetime. In fact, I'm excited as there are many things ahead of the way that I've learned about from her. Haha.. such as her future compositions. The fact that I would be able to play her future compositions (especially something big that is soon going to happen) is an honour because I do think that she would make a fine composer.
Hmmm.. Many more months and years to come though.
==============================================================================================
Judging on whatever I have earned now is never an easy road, you have to understand that. I realized that if I want to succeed in life, there are quite a number of things to be sacrificed at. There are so many commitments, so many things that I want to complete and just to fulfill them. But at the same time, I also want to make sure that I'm in contact with the world, with my close friends around me. And to juggle these kind of things at one go, it's not easy. Really. To socialize, to keep in contact with closest friends and yet to juggle your own commitments... can you just imagine how much will it kill you?
'Forgo your commitments! Be with us!' is something that I believe each and everyone of you are trying to tell me. But please, if you know me well enough, I don't want to drop these commitments till I believe that I've fulfill them. These are my dreams, my wishes and it's not easy to ask me to let go. The only time that you'll see me letting go, is the only time that I will get married, and be a SAHM, teaching music at home to bring in extra income. But before that, I want to work hard to make sure that I can get what I want and to have an easy life in the later years to come. If I get married, even better... both parties don't need to worry about making the day ends meet because we know that we've already worked hard in our earlier years.
My Dad always used to tell me when I was young,"Work hard in your early life. Be able to accept all kinds of hardships and be willing to make certain sacrifices on your own. So that in your later part of your life, you won't suffer that much." And I still hold true to that.
I don't ask for any understanding from you guys, if you're reading this. I don't expect any returns whenever I render my unconditional help to you all. Nor I don't want to see myself kept explaining things to you like as if I really do owe an explanation. But I really hope that there'll be an ounce of sensitiveness to my current lifestyle that I'm facing right now. Not that I don't want to spend time with you guys, I really want to. But if you're facing with work the next day, with the morning that you have to wake up (hey, I've been losing sleep for 3 weeks already, do you know that?)... or if you have to face the reality that you're "leaving" away from your own family because of your own commitments with you always coming home everyday at 1am, I'm sure there are times that you may need to think of spending more time at home rather than outside.
Plus the money that I've earned, it's all about hard-earned money, gained from all the teachings that I have. I need to travel around Singapore due to my music commitments, I need to pay some stuff on my own and I need to keep thinking of how to spend my money wisely so that some of the money left in my account would be kept for 'rainy days'. As an individual on your own, have you actually thought about this? I know, once in a while, it's good. It's good for the nerves and it's all about hyping up yourself. But I've already passed my heydays of clubbing and smoking. I had enough. No more for that kind of lifestyle that I'm leading. All I want to lead is a normal, fulfilling lifestyle that will enrich my life forever. I've learned my lesson well enough throughout my 3-years of poly education. I don't want to repeat history, ever again.
In addition, I do respect my own principles and my own way of doing things. I don't need anyone to question me nor telling me what to do and what not to do because I don't think you have the right to tell me off, no doubt that you're my friend. You can advise me what to do, but telling me off and saying something aside from telling me off are the things that already put me off immediately. I don't need these kind of things to control my own lifestyle. I have an independent thinking and I know exactly what I'm doing.
All these things are the thoughts that came through my mind while practicing my pieces. I didn't mean to say such things but these are the thoughts that have been embattling in my mind. I admit, I changed. But I believe that I changed into a person whereby I stick my own principles, whereby I've become a little more pragmatic and not seeing things in general. Believe me, when you start handling things on your own or when you start facing things outside in the world on your own, mindsets will change over time.
That's me. If you guys fail to accept for whom I am now, then I really don't know what to say. Like I say, the "old" Marilyn has gone and this is the "new" Marilyn that you've seen in me.
Then again, I don't require you to accept me... It doesn't matter to me anymore longer. *shrugs*. I have my own life to lead and I got other better things to do. I hope I don't need to spend 2 hours writing this post, anymore longer.