Weekly updates.....
I've been quite busy for the past few days of this week, mainly doing my work and completing some music transcription work as well. I am extremely tired..... I can't wait for exams to be over.....
To pique my curiosity, I accompained my dearest Kenneth to watch this year's SYF Central Judging for Instrumental Ensembles (Strings - Secondary School/JC) on Wednesday. His secondary school's string orchestra (Nan Chiau High School) was involved on Wednesday morning and I was already there at Republic Polytechnic's TRCC at 9am whilst he got stuck at Sengkang for 18 minutes, on what he claimed, standing at the bus stop like an idiot. Poor thing. He eventually arrived at 10am...... =)
Saw many familiar faces during the morning session and had realized that the scene is so much like the SYF Central Judging for Chinese Orchestras; many distinguished and well-established string musicians appeared to give support and last minute advices to their students involved in the judging, just like how SCO musicians appeared in SCH during the judging moment. To me, it just brings in nostagic memories of my involvement for SYF Central Judging for 2 subsequent years.
Of course, both Kenneth and I met an UNDESIRABLE guy that appeared almost everywhere we go; we've seen him at least 5 FREAKING TIMES and my dearest Kenneth is wondering whether is it because of my appearance that cause him to appear as well. Heh, I've joked with him by saying that it's because he knew that I'm too charismatic and had a magnetic draw so that's why he would appear when I appear. He shakes his head while laughing it off. LOL!!
I am quite impressed with the standards that most of the secondary schools' string orchestras that offered. Some SOs went auto-pilot (because I assumed that their conductors have overseas commitments, thus couldn't make it for SYF Central Judging), some very well-established SOs made a charismatic appearance and there are even some SOs that are apparently new to the scene but went to make impressive moments. Kenneth and I are speechless for words in some SOs but of course, his secondary school's SO is really not bad. Quite good, I should say.
Godwin joined us later for the afternoon session and we had lunch before rushing back to watch the String Orchestras for Junior Colleges. Kenneth's junior Anne was involved and I watched till their performance is over. Impressed by VJC and by the cello section, upon which the principal player is actually, a diploma holder. Kenneth had very good reviews about her and there is no doubt about that.
However, as usual, the judging results seem to be unpredictable. One major factor that contributes (and affects the judging) could be the acoustics of the concert hall. deathstix is right. The concert hall's acoustics are too tricky, and too... sparse in certain corners, including the centre area. Throughout the sessions, I've been sitting in three different corners of the Hall and had received three different types of sounds within the corners of the Hall. I couldn't agree more with deathstix's comments over the acoustics because during the sessions, I've been assessing the Hall area (Kenneth is wondering why I'm staring around the corners of the Hall) and concluded that if anyone, just anyone plays an etude, trust me, the sounds will travel and bounce at the shapes of the corners.
Thus, it sounds messy for some SOs especially for people who are sitting at different areas of the Hall, and ended up, affected their final judging results. Oh wells... his secondary school got a Silver and I thought that given such strict judging, it's already quite good.
Weird thing is that, I don't receive such echoes when I played 2 piano solos for a VIP's private viewing 2 years ago, in the Hall... @.@.. Maybe it is totally different feeling when comes to Ensembles....... But I should've taken a sign from Godwin, whom he commented on his own when we had a private viewing of the Hall before it officially opens, that the Hall is too echoey... During that time, I can still remember the T'ang Quartet is trying out the Hall's acoustics.....
Whatever it is, it's already over. I am still impressed and always will. =)
===================================================================
I had enough, seriously. No point for me to keep explaining the situation if there is no slightest hint of faith and trust from me. What's the point? The more I explained, the more that there is no room for any further discussions.
And now, during dinner, you came and tell me that you've learnt a lot about the piano from Uncle Robert? And that you've now hinted that you've finally believed what I tried to explain to you yesterday? Then what about the words of, "I don't understand and I don't wish or want to understand anything?" And don't forget, you tried cutting Mum and Marcus away from what they are TRYING to tell you all the time. By the time you do all these kind of things, it's already too late for me.
Damage has been done, al pronto. In fact, a long time ago since I finally understood the ways and facts of life. I always keep telling my friends that I always held you in high regards and that you're always my role model in many things. I've always mentioned about you in front of them but after what I've seen, I was too deeply hurt down inside.
I didn't want to talk much to you because I just think that I had enough of the treatment that I always get from you since young. Whenever you're angry or your business didn't pick up, you always picked and flared your temper on me. And when I tried explaining, you always never want to listen to me. And you always think that I'm always up to something no good when at times, I came back home late but most of the times, you knew that I had rehearsals to attend.
Where's the trust? Where's the faith? I don't see that from you. *shrugs*. I guess, I am very used to being just me. Sometimes, I tried too hard to blend in together with you, to try to understand you and to try to bond together with you. Now, I'm too tired...In this family, I have nothing to look forward to except to come home, rest and stone in front of the computer or chatting with Marcus. I had tried my 100% best but with what I'm seeing right now, I guess, it's time for me to stop temporarily and to do things that I want and I need to do and complete on my own.
No matter what, I still hold family in my own heart... nothing beats to have a family and to be fair, this is a shelter that I've grew up in and I'm still grateful for the upbringing that I've received all the while. But I swore that if I ever get married, my family will never be like my current family and my future husband will never be like you. And I will never be like my Mum either, though many of the principles, I should ought to learn from her as well, including self-sacrificing.
Because I don't want my kids to suffer in this kind of environment. I had suffered enough and so does Marcus too..... I don't want to see a cycle being repeated on my poor kids....