of boys and men
patience is a terrible experience. there's little room for mistake, you either act out of turn or act in turn. acting out of turn can undo everything, and i've never been good at reading the invisible lines.
i've also never been very good at being patient.
especially when i'm not enibriated, as i am less and less now that i've officially quit smoking weed (with a few lapses of concentration but i'm trying as well as i can.)
sometimes i wonder what it will take for me to be happy. what state of normalcy do i crave, as that's really what we all acheive i believe when we're truly happy. that balance, that equilibrium, i have no idea where mine lies.
is there really such a thing as honor? such a thing as value? is the past something you can escape from? are you what you have been, or what you will become? and is the human spirit unlimited in potential, or is there a natural talent for detirmination just as there is for so many other things in life. can creativity be manufactured, or does it flow and ebb like fate or the tide, is it some lifestream that only some of us can access?
these are some of the questions that pester me constantly, running through the back of my mind like flies on rotting meat.
i do smile more than i can ever remember though, and that means more than all of the pester and plight.
i just don't know who i am supposed to be sometimes, not just in my current state of affairs, but in life in general. and i'm tired of not knowing whether my train is coming, if it has already gone or if i can buy my way to where i want any time i'm ready.
my parents got a puppy, he's adorable. the the Chiefs won today, that was good.
does anyone else get this as much as i do?: "god it's such a perfect day, everything's been going my way. i took out the trash today, and i'm on fire.."
/rant
all is love.
dino-kun.
i've also never been very good at being patient.
especially when i'm not enibriated, as i am less and less now that i've officially quit smoking weed (with a few lapses of concentration but i'm trying as well as i can.)
sometimes i wonder what it will take for me to be happy. what state of normalcy do i crave, as that's really what we all acheive i believe when we're truly happy. that balance, that equilibrium, i have no idea where mine lies.
is there really such a thing as honor? such a thing as value? is the past something you can escape from? are you what you have been, or what you will become? and is the human spirit unlimited in potential, or is there a natural talent for detirmination just as there is for so many other things in life. can creativity be manufactured, or does it flow and ebb like fate or the tide, is it some lifestream that only some of us can access?
these are some of the questions that pester me constantly, running through the back of my mind like flies on rotting meat.
i do smile more than i can ever remember though, and that means more than all of the pester and plight.
i just don't know who i am supposed to be sometimes, not just in my current state of affairs, but in life in general. and i'm tired of not knowing whether my train is coming, if it has already gone or if i can buy my way to where i want any time i'm ready.
my parents got a puppy, he's adorable. the the Chiefs won today, that was good.
does anyone else get this as much as i do?: "god it's such a perfect day, everything's been going my way. i took out the trash today, and i'm on fire.."
/rant
all is love.
dino-kun.