(no subject)
i guess i just wasn't meant to sleep any more today.
i woke up when travis got up to go to work at 8 am, i went back to sleep, my dad called and woke me up at 9 am, i went back to sleep and most recently i am woken up by the dinosaurs upstairs, my guitar strumming & singing hippie neighbour who seems to be attacking me from all angles, and sirens.
apparently my nameservers (i am not sure what that even means?? travis is my techy guy. i am just so painfully right brained... i wish i knew more about computers...) are set up with my domain, but it will be a few days before i have ftp access to it.
god, shut up hippie!!! ugh!! i don't like ani difranco, so i am certainly not going to like it when you try to imitate her loudly when i am cranky from lack of sleep.
i will be taking a leave of absence (or applying to, if it's not granted i will have to drop out and reapply) from emily carr. i just simply am not capable of being a student in my current state of depression and anxiety. i am not dropping out so that i can be lazy and do nothing and complain all the time, i am addressing my problems and attacking them aggressively so that i will be able to return to school next fall and succeed.
i am worried that if i don't try to be really aggressive about fixing myself right now that i will wind up on disability for the rest of my life. as it is right now i would not be able to hold a job either.
right now i feel like i am so lucky to have supportive people in my life. my parents, although sometimes they don't fully understand what i'm going through and sometimes make serious faux pas, have always been supportive and have stood by me when i have been impossible to get along with. my close dear friends who have managed not to be alienated when i go into full disclosure mode with them. erin who stayed with me during my most emotionally volitile and crazy years, and acted as my infrastructure when i couldn't hold myself up. most of all right now i feel very blessed to have travis in my life. i have never been with someone who i felt so close to and who i felt could actually understand me and who really helps me understand myself and gain insights into why i am the way i am. he has only been in my life for such a short time, reletively. but i love him desperately and he is so important to me. in a way, i want to get better so i can be the person that he deserves to be with.
i dont mean to make this sound like an oscar acceptance speech, these things just really needed to be said.
+++
ugh i know that i recently posted a "meme" (the 15 random songs one), got chewed out for it (*ahem* reluctance), and fiercly defended myself saying it was my journal, bla bla bla...
but JEEZ!! what the hell is up with people who post entire entries devoted to quiz results!! that is not content! it's filler!! dont subject other people to that just because youre bored!! nobody else other than YOU cares what johnny the homicidal maniac character you are or what stages of hell you are in or what-the-fuck-ever. i have you on my friends list because i am interested about learning about YOU as a person, quizes dont tell me anything!! it may be your journal but no one is going to want to read it if that's all you put!! i dont mind surveys at all really because at least i am reading about you specifically. i am writing about this in my journal instead of leaving disparaging comments. its hard not to sometimes and i feel i have to say something. ugh i hate quizes!!! there are so goddamn many of them to and they're all useless. what a waste of everyone's time!
i am glad that i'm going to be switching to a domainblog, i will either keep this journal or make a new one for all the candid juicy dirt that i dont want to publish on a blog that my family will be able to read, but i swear i am going to cut down my friends list by so much!
i woke up when travis got up to go to work at 8 am, i went back to sleep, my dad called and woke me up at 9 am, i went back to sleep and most recently i am woken up by the dinosaurs upstairs, my guitar strumming & singing hippie neighbour who seems to be attacking me from all angles, and sirens.
apparently my nameservers (i am not sure what that even means?? travis is my techy guy. i am just so painfully right brained... i wish i knew more about computers...) are set up with my domain, but it will be a few days before i have ftp access to it.
god, shut up hippie!!! ugh!! i don't like ani difranco, so i am certainly not going to like it when you try to imitate her loudly when i am cranky from lack of sleep.
i will be taking a leave of absence (or applying to, if it's not granted i will have to drop out and reapply) from emily carr. i just simply am not capable of being a student in my current state of depression and anxiety. i am not dropping out so that i can be lazy and do nothing and complain all the time, i am addressing my problems and attacking them aggressively so that i will be able to return to school next fall and succeed.
i am worried that if i don't try to be really aggressive about fixing myself right now that i will wind up on disability for the rest of my life. as it is right now i would not be able to hold a job either.
right now i feel like i am so lucky to have supportive people in my life. my parents, although sometimes they don't fully understand what i'm going through and sometimes make serious faux pas, have always been supportive and have stood by me when i have been impossible to get along with. my close dear friends who have managed not to be alienated when i go into full disclosure mode with them. erin who stayed with me during my most emotionally volitile and crazy years, and acted as my infrastructure when i couldn't hold myself up. most of all right now i feel very blessed to have travis in my life. i have never been with someone who i felt so close to and who i felt could actually understand me and who really helps me understand myself and gain insights into why i am the way i am. he has only been in my life for such a short time, reletively. but i love him desperately and he is so important to me. in a way, i want to get better so i can be the person that he deserves to be with.
i dont mean to make this sound like an oscar acceptance speech, these things just really needed to be said.
+++
ugh i know that i recently posted a "meme" (the 15 random songs one), got chewed out for it (*ahem* reluctance), and fiercly defended myself saying it was my journal, bla bla bla...
but JEEZ!! what the hell is up with people who post entire entries devoted to quiz results!! that is not content! it's filler!! dont subject other people to that just because youre bored!! nobody else other than YOU cares what johnny the homicidal maniac character you are or what stages of hell you are in or what-the-fuck-ever. i have you on my friends list because i am interested about learning about YOU as a person, quizes dont tell me anything!! it may be your journal but no one is going to want to read it if that's all you put!! i dont mind surveys at all really because at least i am reading about you specifically. i am writing about this in my journal instead of leaving disparaging comments. its hard not to sometimes and i feel i have to say something. ugh i hate quizes!!! there are so goddamn many of them to and they're all useless. what a waste of everyone's time!
i am glad that i'm going to be switching to a domainblog, i will either keep this journal or make a new one for all the candid juicy dirt that i dont want to publish on a blog that my family will be able to read, but i swear i am going to cut down my friends list by so much!