(no subject)
i am sad and scared to sleep - very unsettled.
ive been having nightmares lately (the past few months) and sometimes it makes me frightened to slip into unconciousness. i had a particularly bad one last night; very violent.
the tidy apartment is gradually sliding down the slope to messyness. and i havent the ambition or the energy to clean it.
i made this to pass the time... it's been ages since i've done any vector illustrations. it's based on the photo from the previous entry (or if not that one - one of the other ones i took at the same time - i forget). it's unfinished. also i wish i really had that much hair - hah! it grows so slowly :( :( :(
i feel kind of like things are crumbling all around me.
i bought a new cd today though -- tujiko noriko/from tokyo to naiagara. it's very good.
my mom emailed me yesterday and told me that i would be an aunt this fall. my cousin billy and his fiancee are having a baby. i wasn't aware that a cousin's child made you an aunt, but okay. ill be an auntie for anyone who wants me to be.
and oh yeah, i really want to be married and have a family. when can i do this? these photos moved me to tears and i immediately looked up how far a long i'd be right now. 5 months. i'd be showing. i would possibly be feeling my baby's movements. my fucking baby would have fingers and toes. instead i have an empty womb. and it will likely remain that way for years.
PS sorry for all the doom and gloom recently. i tried to convince travis that i ONLY WROTE IN MY JOURNAL FOR ME AND NO ONE ELSE, but really let's face it here... i am concerned about what the audience thinks.
ive been having nightmares lately (the past few months) and sometimes it makes me frightened to slip into unconciousness. i had a particularly bad one last night; very violent.
the tidy apartment is gradually sliding down the slope to messyness. and i havent the ambition or the energy to clean it.
i made this to pass the time... it's been ages since i've done any vector illustrations. it's based on the photo from the previous entry (or if not that one - one of the other ones i took at the same time - i forget). it's unfinished. also i wish i really had that much hair - hah! it grows so slowly :( :( :(
i feel kind of like things are crumbling all around me.
i bought a new cd today though -- tujiko noriko/from tokyo to naiagara. it's very good.
my mom emailed me yesterday and told me that i would be an aunt this fall. my cousin billy and his fiancee are having a baby. i wasn't aware that a cousin's child made you an aunt, but okay. ill be an auntie for anyone who wants me to be.
and oh yeah, i really want to be married and have a family. when can i do this? these photos moved me to tears and i immediately looked up how far a long i'd be right now. 5 months. i'd be showing. i would possibly be feeling my baby's movements. my fucking baby would have fingers and toes. instead i have an empty womb. and it will likely remain that way for years.
PS sorry for all the doom and gloom recently. i tried to convince travis that i ONLY WROTE IN MY JOURNAL FOR ME AND NO ONE ELSE, but really let's face it here... i am concerned about what the audience thinks.