I can't control you, you can't control me.........
(sometime after midnight, Tues. morning)
(The kitchen floor)
Want to open eyes, but can't, can't, can't, head hurts. Splitting, pounding, ringing...
and why am I so uncomfortable? ........... where am I actually? Why is the bed so goddamn hard....
Floor, on the floor, wait, my bedroom floor has carpet, why is it so....
kitchen floor. M' on the ( Read more... )
(The kitchen floor)
Want to open eyes, but can't, can't, can't, head hurts. Splitting, pounding, ringing...
and why am I so uncomfortable? ........... where am I actually? Why is the bed so goddamn hard....
Floor, on the floor, wait, my bedroom floor has carpet, why is it so....
kitchen floor. M' on the ( Read more... )
"So I decided to go to the tavern and have a few drinks, hoping my mood would pass. Someone else was there, someone I owed a debt of gratitude to. I take a deep breath, here it comes. Who was it? Ares? Tez? Please, I can handle Tez...
"So I brought a bottle of Verdi's best whiskey and took it over to Gaueko--"
I roar, lift her up and slam her against the wall. "ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID WANDA???" She all but screams and starts weeping again, and I let her go, she sinks to the floor. "The man.... the God of Night and Death that dislocated your shoulder, the same one that terrified Glass for weeks, and you're telling me got got drunk with him??" I'm shaking and standing above her, and yes, I'm on fire. I'm mad, scared and tired.
"As long as you didn't tell him about the wedding," Wanda eyes go wide for a second, and she wails.
Almost all the anger drains from me. I sit back down on the floor, smiling at her grimly. "Well then Wanda, I don't want you to worry about me killing you. I wouldn't dare take that pleasure away from Glass. And if I have to drag you by your hair, you will be telling her."
And I swear I hear Marbas chuckle at that.
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What does one say to that? Especially when being held up in the air against a wall. All I can do is cry, and he drops me and I hit the floor.
"The man.... the God of Night and Death that dislocated your shoulder, the same one that terrified Glass for weeks, and you're telling me got got drunk with him??"
He's on fire! Oh sweet heavens help me, I've pushed him too far, and I just nod miserably.
"As long as you didn't tell him about the wedding,"
No, no I didn't tell him...
"He figured it out by himself!!! I NEVER said her name!" The nights conversation comes rushing back in a torrent of memory, and I drop my head into my hands and weep. "Oh God Lucien, we were drinking, and he asked me how my day went, and I just mentioned that I was amazed that someone would WANT to wear a brown dress.... I never said her name." I finish miserably, wiping my face on my tablecloth dress.
"Well then Wanda, I don't want you to worry about me killing you. I wouldn't dare take that pleasure away from Glass. And if I have to drag you by your hair, you will be telling her." Lucien says, sitting back down across from me, a weird smile in his face.
"I know, I know..." I moan, thumping my head against the wall. "I fucked up, I know. Even better, he bought a round for the entire bar, announcing 'My little girls gettin' married! Called her and Iago by name. The whole town will know not only about the marriage, but about Glass' family."
I look at Lucien, who's just sitting there, watching me.
"I really fucked this up royally."
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"I really fucked this up royally."
She finishes my thought for me. "I was about to say that myself." I say softly, reaching out and brushing my fingers along her neck, mending the torn flesh. It heals perfectly. "At least he wasn't minded to mark you as his own." I say dryly, reaching up into a drawer and finding a pack of cigarettes. Suck in the nicotine, finding it a stabilizer. Gonna need some type of calming influence, we haven't even gotten to the best part of the story yet, have we?
"Okay, you went and accidentally told the one person that didn't need to know." Exhale up into the air, the fix her with my steel blue gaze.
"Please, continue."
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"At least he wasn't minded to mark you as his own." I'm able to smile, a little at that.
"Hmmmm. Believe it or not, he wasn't thrilled either. Called anyone that would mark a follower a 'small-dicked sonsobitches'."
Lucien chokes a little on the cigarette.
"Please, continue."
I sigh, reaching over to grab a cigarette and I wait for him to light it. Only smoke when I'm stressed, and after looking at me funny for a minute, he takes it, inhales and hands it back. I drag in the nicotine and it burns my lungs. Feels fuckin' wonderful.
"I down two glasses quick, realizing what I'd done, then he just kept pouring me more. I went to leave, found I couldn't walk. He walked me back here. Yes, I was drunk, and yes, he took advantage of that fact, but I didn't fight him, he didn't force me." I say evenly, but I can't look at him. "And he was kind, kinder than I expected... I think I was very lucky. Told me that the night could be terrifying, or kind. Asked which I preferred.
I doubt very many get a choice."
I grow silent, staring off into space.
"I..... I'm sorry Lucien. I don't know what's gotten into me. Would you believe I has almost celibate the whole time we were apart, all those years?"
I look back to him, heart hurting.
"If you don't want to forgive me, or can't.. I'll understand."
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When I ask Wanda to continue, she grabs a cigarette and waits for me to light it. Man, she must be flustered, I can count on one hand how many times I've seen her smoke. With a shrug, I light it for her and she continues.
"I went to leave, found I couldn't walk. He walked me back here. Yes, I was drunk, and yes, he took advantage of that fact, but I didn't fight him, he didn't force me. And he was kind, kinder than I expected... I think I was very lucky. Told me that the night could be terrifying, or kind. Asked which I preferred. I doubt very many get a choice."
I don't know what to say. Am I a horrible person to wish this had been forced on her, because it would ease my own pain? No, I wouldn't have wished that on her. Whatever transpired probably would have happened, with or without her consent. She wouldn't have been able to fight him off, maybe she's just damn lucky when it comes to him. "Well then," I say softly, tryong to get her to look at me. "Lets be thankful for the kindness and that you're more or less okay."
"If you don't want to forgive me, or can't.. I'll understand."
I can see it in her eyes, her heart is breaking right before me.
She really can't control herself, can she? Jamie I understood.
Mab, okay I'm really pissed that I missed out on that,
she owes me. Even Dorian I can understand, but Lúgh, and now Gaueko...
Rise to my feet with a sigh, holding out my hand to her.
"Come outside, we'll speak of if we can forgive one another after I share my story." She slips her hand in mine and I pull her to her feet. "But can I at least blame a lot of this on Lúgh?"
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"But can I at least blame a lot of this on Lúgh?"
I shake my head to the negative, smiling sadly.
"But when it comes right down to it theres no use trying to pretend
For when it gets right down to it theres no one here thats left to blame
Blame it on me, you can blame it on me
Were just sugar mice in the rain..." I sing a little mournfully. It really is all my fault.
We stand there in the middle of the yard, and he's staring up into the sky, deep in thought. Thank god for the fence, otherwise we'd look like two loons standing out here, him naked, me almost naked at whatever time it is in the morning.
"Lucien...if you don't want to tell me, I won't mind." I say softly, squeezing his hand.
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"Sometime Wanda, will you sing for me?" I ask her, looking up into the stars. "I hear you singing all the time now, but you haven't sung just for me, to make me smile like you used to..."
"Lucien...if you don't want to tell me, I won't mind." Wanda offers, squeezing my hand. It would be easier to drop it. Let it go, not show her... and it would have been easier for her to lie to me about tonight. I squeeze her hand back.
"I have to, I don't want to, but I have to. You of all people should know...
The Demon within me woke up."
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"I havent sung for you yet?" I blink in surprise, thinking. "I'm sorry, yes of course I'll sing for you."
Lucien is holding my hand, holding it like a death grip. My love, what has happened to you? I'm about to pull him back in the house when he speaks.
"I have to, I don't want to, but I have to. You of all people should know...
The Demon within me woke up."
I can only stare at him in confusion. "Woke up? Lucien, I don't understand. I just saw you ignite in the kitchen...."
Sweet Heavens, he can be WORSE???
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