Back and other radomness
Hi All,
Well I am back from Wound Care and you know, I truely believe there is a special place in heaven for the medical profession people who choose this line of work. It has to be exhausting to work with patients everyday who have wounds that don't want to heal or they just need that little bit of extra care to do so.
Today I had to have some debridement done. For those of you who don't know what this entails it is taking gauze pads and cotton swabs and scrubbing away dead and dying tissue from the wound. To be honest, even with the stuff the put on it to numb it, the pain can be agonizing. One nurse who sees to me always looks so sad when she has to do my leg. I give her a hug, put my ear buds in, turn on my MP4 player and grab my GameBoy and play Castlevania (i am addicted to nearly every Castlevania game out there. Wish I owned them all.) And yes I sometimes cry. My wound or wounds are from multiple leg ulcers. Today we scrubbed out three. I hate every minute of it but know it has to be done to stimulate the healthy growth of new tissue and to try to keep infection at bay.
I had one wound that has been burning like I had poured scalding water on it for the past three days. I showed the Dr. and when he went to examine it the skin slipped off.
He quickly got out some oitment and rubbed it in (while I sat and clenched my teeth and practiced some very deep breathing to keep from screaming.) and a few seconds later...relief, blessed relief from that horrible burning pain.
He told me the other medication I was using for wounds was actually causing problems for this area. I wanted to cry because for the first time in four days I didn't feel like clawing at my skin to try and ease it.
Then I got soem good news. They are going to try and let me go to once a month visits. This means my wounds are looking better and we are doing ok with their care at home.
For the past couple days, I haven't turned on my YIM. I just...I don't know what's wrong. I have had depression eating away at me and when that happens, I hide.
I don't know how but some of my dear chat buddies just seem to know when I am not OK and try to hedge around them, they nail me damn near everytime I fib.
I did pop on long enough to let Minerva and Priestess Skye know I was ok. They worry when I disappear like that.
I don't know why I am so sad. I was sitting here re-reading ElegantPaws' TAoT and suddenly I was crying. I was tryng to write my next part of Silk on Steel and agin, I am wiping tears away sobbing like there is no tomorrow which is how I suddenly felt. DH came in and asked why and all I could do was shake my head and sob harder. He finally just held me close and let me cry, then put me to bed where again he held me through the night and Smokey let me cry into his fur.
Tonight we were watching Alvin and The Chipmunks movie with Owl (my 11year old daughter), laughing like hell when suddenly again the tears started pouring. I hurriedly left the room with the excuse of needing the bathroom and stood in there, crying for no good reason at all. What the hell was there to bawl over?!
Sometimes I feel like this dark hole is waiting at my feet, waiting for me to take one more step or stumble. I am trying to drag myself out of this place.
DH is making an appointment for me to go back to my personal doctor. He thinks maybe my medication is screwed and in the meantime isn't leaving me alone which is wearing really thin. I'm not going to do something stupid.
Oh and for all who have been following the Miss Poison Pen Saga, she actually had the balls to get online and started to harass me in person. I ripped this bitch up and proceeded to let her know she had been reported to the police and to ALL the support mods from every sire she had sent emails on. She left very, very fast. I really think I have heard the last from her.
I did get a chuckle though. Did you know the reason I won on IYC and ES was because of PITY votes? I told her that she obviously didn't know any of these lovely writers well as they had too much integrety to cast a pity vote.
I fucking won on my own merit and talent alone! That's why those people voted for my work.
Snotty Bitch.
Well, I need to hit the hay. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow it will seem brighter. I hope so.
Love all of you,
Safire
Well I am back from Wound Care and you know, I truely believe there is a special place in heaven for the medical profession people who choose this line of work. It has to be exhausting to work with patients everyday who have wounds that don't want to heal or they just need that little bit of extra care to do so.
Today I had to have some debridement done. For those of you who don't know what this entails it is taking gauze pads and cotton swabs and scrubbing away dead and dying tissue from the wound. To be honest, even with the stuff the put on it to numb it, the pain can be agonizing. One nurse who sees to me always looks so sad when she has to do my leg. I give her a hug, put my ear buds in, turn on my MP4 player and grab my GameBoy and play Castlevania (i am addicted to nearly every Castlevania game out there. Wish I owned them all.) And yes I sometimes cry. My wound or wounds are from multiple leg ulcers. Today we scrubbed out three. I hate every minute of it but know it has to be done to stimulate the healthy growth of new tissue and to try to keep infection at bay.
I had one wound that has been burning like I had poured scalding water on it for the past three days. I showed the Dr. and when he went to examine it the skin slipped off.
He quickly got out some oitment and rubbed it in (while I sat and clenched my teeth and practiced some very deep breathing to keep from screaming.) and a few seconds later...relief, blessed relief from that horrible burning pain.
He told me the other medication I was using for wounds was actually causing problems for this area. I wanted to cry because for the first time in four days I didn't feel like clawing at my skin to try and ease it.
Then I got soem good news. They are going to try and let me go to once a month visits. This means my wounds are looking better and we are doing ok with their care at home.
For the past couple days, I haven't turned on my YIM. I just...I don't know what's wrong. I have had depression eating away at me and when that happens, I hide.
I don't know how but some of my dear chat buddies just seem to know when I am not OK and try to hedge around them, they nail me damn near everytime I fib.
I did pop on long enough to let Minerva and Priestess Skye know I was ok. They worry when I disappear like that.
I don't know why I am so sad. I was sitting here re-reading ElegantPaws' TAoT and suddenly I was crying. I was tryng to write my next part of Silk on Steel and agin, I am wiping tears away sobbing like there is no tomorrow which is how I suddenly felt. DH came in and asked why and all I could do was shake my head and sob harder. He finally just held me close and let me cry, then put me to bed where again he held me through the night and Smokey let me cry into his fur.
Tonight we were watching Alvin and The Chipmunks movie with Owl (my 11year old daughter), laughing like hell when suddenly again the tears started pouring. I hurriedly left the room with the excuse of needing the bathroom and stood in there, crying for no good reason at all. What the hell was there to bawl over?!
Sometimes I feel like this dark hole is waiting at my feet, waiting for me to take one more step or stumble. I am trying to drag myself out of this place.
DH is making an appointment for me to go back to my personal doctor. He thinks maybe my medication is screwed and in the meantime isn't leaving me alone which is wearing really thin. I'm not going to do something stupid.
Oh and for all who have been following the Miss Poison Pen Saga, she actually had the balls to get online and started to harass me in person. I ripped this bitch up and proceeded to let her know she had been reported to the police and to ALL the support mods from every sire she had sent emails on. She left very, very fast. I really think I have heard the last from her.
I did get a chuckle though. Did you know the reason I won on IYC and ES was because of PITY votes? I told her that she obviously didn't know any of these lovely writers well as they had too much integrety to cast a pity vote.
I fucking won on my own merit and talent alone! That's why those people voted for my work.
Snotty Bitch.
Well, I need to hit the hay. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow it will seem brighter. I hope so.
Love all of you,
Safire