Resolutions, rue, and roaches
So I've made two sort-of resolutions. I say "sort of" because I kind of don't have a lot of faith in my ability or willingness to see them through. Lol, isn't that nice, self? Anyway, those would be as follows:
01) Read more, because as a "writer" I don't do enough of that.
02) Get a piece published in a lit mag before the year ends.
I picked up a book of Anton Chekhov's short stories from the library and The Secret Garden from my friend Stephanie to kick-start me on #1. But it's #2 I've been thinking of more recently. I think attending literary, fiction readings would kind of do that to a gal. But anyway, Stephanie was updating me on her work stich since she quit the company I'm still with. She'd pretty much said, "Eff it, I'm just going to write & just get it published on paying magazines." Which led to me telling her about my sort-of resolution, which seemed to get her excited, so I guess I have to go through with it now that we both agreed we'd do it. Guess it's true -- you are more motivated when you do things in groups. Make sense. That way, there's someone checking in on you.
More so than that, though, one of my university professors was at the reading I went to today. Expected, since it was held at my alma mater. We talked, caught up on what I'd been doing since I graduated, was introduced to some professors I didn't have when I was still in school. The thing was, she kept lauding me for being this amazing, talented fiction writer. Which lol, nice ego boost, but at the same time, I didn't feel like I deserved to be called such. I haven't seriously worked on my own writing since then, when I was being graded to write. Back then, I had a concrete motivation. Left to my own devices, though, I've gotten lazy, or I've let thoughts about my own inadequacy dissuade me. "Nah, I'm really not that good. Mediocre, at best." I came out of our conversation feeling pretty ashamed that for all her belief in me, I had nothing to show for it. It's very much the feeling you get when you're (fill in school year) reunion's coming up and you're freaking out about whether you've "made it" enough to prove yourself to all your old classmates. But I guess it's a good thing I felt that way, too, because now -- at the very least momentarily -- I feel all the more motivated to try to get things written and sent out. Hopefully published, but that's really up to the magazines' editorial staff to decide, ne? I guess I just have to put more faith in what I do if I want to get this resolution done. Or maybe just guilt myself into further shaming my prof if I don't do it, ha ha. Or both. That works. Either way, I know writing and being published have been near life-long goals. It's pretty much what I've wanted for my career, as undefined and vague as my occupational outlines are. "I know I want to write for a living! I just don't know doing what yet, hehh." I don't know. Maybe this is my year. Maybe I'll make this my year. I can't say for sure. I'm too insecure to say most things in absolutes. But I do know for sure I want these, writing and publication. If my friend and one of my fave profs believe I can do it, just maybe I can. It's a start, anyway. I can use that. Dag knows the hardest thing for me when I try to do anything is starting it, ha ha.
My prof offered to have me send her anything I'm working on if I ever need a second opinion on it. Something we could discuss over scholarly coffee, ha ha. I still do have my creative writing journal and my OneWord account linked on it. I wonder if I should shoot the link over to her? I don't know, hmn...
Oh. Totally random, but Papa Roach's "Burn" is encroaching overplayed on the radio territory and it's bugging me. Ha ha, bugging, Papa Roach. I mean okay, I kind of like the song. But I kind of have to O.o;; when I hear it on the round trip between home and school. Lol, you may proceed to judge my taste in music now. I'll allow it. I don't pride myself in having good taste in anything, really. XD;;
01) Read more, because as a "writer" I don't do enough of that.
02) Get a piece published in a lit mag before the year ends.
I picked up a book of Anton Chekhov's short stories from the library and The Secret Garden from my friend Stephanie to kick-start me on #1. But it's #2 I've been thinking of more recently. I think attending literary, fiction readings would kind of do that to a gal. But anyway, Stephanie was updating me on her work stich since she quit the company I'm still with. She'd pretty much said, "Eff it, I'm just going to write & just get it published on paying magazines." Which led to me telling her about my sort-of resolution, which seemed to get her excited, so I guess I have to go through with it now that we both agreed we'd do it. Guess it's true -- you are more motivated when you do things in groups. Make sense. That way, there's someone checking in on you.
More so than that, though, one of my university professors was at the reading I went to today. Expected, since it was held at my alma mater. We talked, caught up on what I'd been doing since I graduated, was introduced to some professors I didn't have when I was still in school. The thing was, she kept lauding me for being this amazing, talented fiction writer. Which lol, nice ego boost, but at the same time, I didn't feel like I deserved to be called such. I haven't seriously worked on my own writing since then, when I was being graded to write. Back then, I had a concrete motivation. Left to my own devices, though, I've gotten lazy, or I've let thoughts about my own inadequacy dissuade me. "Nah, I'm really not that good. Mediocre, at best." I came out of our conversation feeling pretty ashamed that for all her belief in me, I had nothing to show for it. It's very much the feeling you get when you're (fill in school year) reunion's coming up and you're freaking out about whether you've "made it" enough to prove yourself to all your old classmates. But I guess it's a good thing I felt that way, too, because now -- at the very least momentarily -- I feel all the more motivated to try to get things written and sent out. Hopefully published, but that's really up to the magazines' editorial staff to decide, ne? I guess I just have to put more faith in what I do if I want to get this resolution done. Or maybe just guilt myself into further shaming my prof if I don't do it, ha ha. Or both. That works. Either way, I know writing and being published have been near life-long goals. It's pretty much what I've wanted for my career, as undefined and vague as my occupational outlines are. "I know I want to write for a living! I just don't know doing what yet, hehh." I don't know. Maybe this is my year. Maybe I'll make this my year. I can't say for sure. I'm too insecure to say most things in absolutes. But I do know for sure I want these, writing and publication. If my friend and one of my fave profs believe I can do it, just maybe I can. It's a start, anyway. I can use that. Dag knows the hardest thing for me when I try to do anything is starting it, ha ha.
My prof offered to have me send her anything I'm working on if I ever need a second opinion on it. Something we could discuss over scholarly coffee, ha ha. I still do have my creative writing journal and my OneWord account linked on it. I wonder if I should shoot the link over to her? I don't know, hmn...
Oh. Totally random, but Papa Roach's "Burn" is encroaching overplayed on the radio territory and it's bugging me. Ha ha, bugging, Papa Roach. I mean okay, I kind of like the song. But I kind of have to O.o;; when I hear it on the round trip between home and school. Lol, you may proceed to judge my taste in music now. I'll allow it. I don't pride myself in having good taste in anything, really. XD;;