commence rant...
OK. Havent ranted in a while so if you dont wanna read - well...dont.
Feeling a bit shitty the now. I dont know what I do wrong but any time I bring up something that is bothering me in my relationship (which rarely happens might I add) I automatically turn into the bad guy....and he thinks im trying to deliberately make him feel bad for this/that/whatever. Im starting to get to the end of my tether a bit. It seems these days I ant seem to do anything right and it gets me down sometimes you know? I just feel a bit lost and I dont really know where my place is right now.
Dont get me wrong, I still love him and love being with him but...take like an hour ago for instance -
I mentioned something that had been bothering me - namely the fact that I feel as if we're not that close anymore and that all we seem to talk about ... sorry ... worry about, is money and moving flats and this that and the next thing and it seems like we never take time out for ourselves and have some fun...
He just seems to think Ill grow out of it...but you know what? I dont want to grow out of it. I wanna have a bit of fun in my life. Im already bored enough with my whole getting up at 6.30, starting work at 9, finishing at half 5, coming home for 7 and then going to bed at 10.30. Lather rinse repeat a few times if you will.
I like having my weekends with him but he seems to think I should get over it and ....fuck....be BORING.
I dont quite know if IM cut out for it. Maybe it is my age or whatever but considering Im greatly matured for my age it just seems a little old fashioned for me. You'd think I was engaged to a 50 year old man. Hes only 23 for fucks sake.
I made plans to see Lauren and Darren tonight and now because of how bad I feel I might just cancel. Aparently he doesnt want to come out for an hour with me and them. He had planned a quiet drink in the pub (and I literally mean quiet) then come back and watch a movie. Except he forgot to tell me about these plans. Cue me getting told im immature and childish for wanting him to come with me to say bye to them.
Ugh. I just dont know what to do. I do know that I dont want to leave him and that I do want to spend time with. Hell Id rather spend the time with him.
I just wish he understood me and listened to me without taking offense.
But obviously I want to much. You know just because I like having sex more than once every two weeks or so and I want to go out every now and again and I like spending time with my man and I like coorying up and having a cuddle occassionally and I dont want to constantly worry about money and flats and what im having for lunch tommorrow, I must be immature and ... well, wrong!
God if only he knew what he was doing to my self confidence/esteem.
If he knew I know he'd stop but how the hell am I meant to tell him this without hjim taking offense and starting an argument and making me feel guilty for even bringing it up.
Life would be so much easier if I had my friends around me again.
Feeling a bit shitty the now. I dont know what I do wrong but any time I bring up something that is bothering me in my relationship (which rarely happens might I add) I automatically turn into the bad guy....and he thinks im trying to deliberately make him feel bad for this/that/whatever. Im starting to get to the end of my tether a bit. It seems these days I ant seem to do anything right and it gets me down sometimes you know? I just feel a bit lost and I dont really know where my place is right now.
Dont get me wrong, I still love him and love being with him but...take like an hour ago for instance -
I mentioned something that had been bothering me - namely the fact that I feel as if we're not that close anymore and that all we seem to talk about ... sorry ... worry about, is money and moving flats and this that and the next thing and it seems like we never take time out for ourselves and have some fun...
He just seems to think Ill grow out of it...but you know what? I dont want to grow out of it. I wanna have a bit of fun in my life. Im already bored enough with my whole getting up at 6.30, starting work at 9, finishing at half 5, coming home for 7 and then going to bed at 10.30. Lather rinse repeat a few times if you will.
I like having my weekends with him but he seems to think I should get over it and ....fuck....be BORING.
I dont quite know if IM cut out for it. Maybe it is my age or whatever but considering Im greatly matured for my age it just seems a little old fashioned for me. You'd think I was engaged to a 50 year old man. Hes only 23 for fucks sake.
I made plans to see Lauren and Darren tonight and now because of how bad I feel I might just cancel. Aparently he doesnt want to come out for an hour with me and them. He had planned a quiet drink in the pub (and I literally mean quiet) then come back and watch a movie. Except he forgot to tell me about these plans. Cue me getting told im immature and childish for wanting him to come with me to say bye to them.
Ugh. I just dont know what to do. I do know that I dont want to leave him and that I do want to spend time with. Hell Id rather spend the time with him.
I just wish he understood me and listened to me without taking offense.
But obviously I want to much. You know just because I like having sex more than once every two weeks or so and I want to go out every now and again and I like spending time with my man and I like coorying up and having a cuddle occassionally and I dont want to constantly worry about money and flats and what im having for lunch tommorrow, I must be immature and ... well, wrong!
God if only he knew what he was doing to my self confidence/esteem.
If he knew I know he'd stop but how the hell am I meant to tell him this without hjim taking offense and starting an argument and making me feel guilty for even bringing it up.
Life would be so much easier if I had my friends around me again.