Well kids...
Leanne broke down tonight. Yup. Completely. Got pushed to my limit and that was it. I exploded in a flood of tears and shakes. Great. Time to go to the doctors I think. Theres so many trivial things getting to me just now and I think Im going to go mental.
I just can't cope with being stuck in a strange (ok so i know the people that live here...but you know what I mean) house and all these different rules and things I can and can't do...its silly little petty things too.
Basically Im not used to living with parents, ok so i lived with my dad before but that was different. I wasn't controlled there. Im not used to having to do certain things at certain times. Basically Im not used to routine and routine kills me - Ive always been spontanious and I kinda feel like thats all being taken away from me. Hell if I need some space normally Id go out for a walk or sit in the bathroom or go for a shower or something but I can't do that here which is adding to my feelings of....I dont know. Helplessness? Is that right? Maybe thats the wrong word but I am not used to feeling this trapped and its nothing to do with him. Hell you'd think Id feel trapped settling down and getting engaged at 18 but no. Its something as silly as staying at his rents for a couple of weeks thats got me feeling this bad. It wouldnt be as bad if I had a job or something to occupy myself with during the day, or some friends round here. Anything that can get me out and around.
Ill admit it. Im a socialite. I NEED people around me to cope. I dont have that when I I have no job and im living in an area I dont know. The only thing I have here is him and some guys I drink with who in reality I cant call friends cause they're all old enough to be my parents/grand-parents.
I can't even vent without feeling as if Im being a silly little girl. I feel like everyone thinks Im moaning over nothing and that I could just put myself out there and do this and that but I dont work that way - I never have. I have no confidence. I can't just jump from one place to another and settle in right away.
I feel bad for being down and pulling him down with me.
But I still dont think he quite "gets it". I mean. I know he understands to a certain extent. But I dont think he realises that not all people can cope in the same way and move on.
Ugh Im rambling again and getting embarressed.
Ill just go now.
I just can't cope with being stuck in a strange (ok so i know the people that live here...but you know what I mean) house and all these different rules and things I can and can't do...its silly little petty things too.
Basically Im not used to living with parents, ok so i lived with my dad before but that was different. I wasn't controlled there. Im not used to having to do certain things at certain times. Basically Im not used to routine and routine kills me - Ive always been spontanious and I kinda feel like thats all being taken away from me. Hell if I need some space normally Id go out for a walk or sit in the bathroom or go for a shower or something but I can't do that here which is adding to my feelings of....I dont know. Helplessness? Is that right? Maybe thats the wrong word but I am not used to feeling this trapped and its nothing to do with him. Hell you'd think Id feel trapped settling down and getting engaged at 18 but no. Its something as silly as staying at his rents for a couple of weeks thats got me feeling this bad. It wouldnt be as bad if I had a job or something to occupy myself with during the day, or some friends round here. Anything that can get me out and around.
Ill admit it. Im a socialite. I NEED people around me to cope. I dont have that when I I have no job and im living in an area I dont know. The only thing I have here is him and some guys I drink with who in reality I cant call friends cause they're all old enough to be my parents/grand-parents.
I can't even vent without feeling as if Im being a silly little girl. I feel like everyone thinks Im moaning over nothing and that I could just put myself out there and do this and that but I dont work that way - I never have. I have no confidence. I can't just jump from one place to another and settle in right away.
I feel bad for being down and pulling him down with me.
But I still dont think he quite "gets it". I mean. I know he understands to a certain extent. But I dont think he realises that not all people can cope in the same way and move on.
Ugh Im rambling again and getting embarressed.
Ill just go now.