What things are to come...
I find it hard to post here too often as sharing here means putting yourself out there for others to see and to judge. Though at the same time, when I need a sounding board, I inevitably end up here to say something about what's going on in my life... to get some perspective on the haze that is my life.
I think I hate my job. I mean, there are days when I want to tear the head off of each of my crewmembers and half of the guests and I have to smile and act like nothing is bothering me. This gets old after a while and there are 8 hours to fake it. There are moments when I lapse and am not perfect. I am human. These moments are balanced by the moments when I make a big difference in someone's life. I serve food. Let's be serious. But if I can move someone. If I can make them smile and enjoy their day a little more, then I feel I've done my job. But these moments are few and too far between. I don't know if it is because I'm not in full service anymore, if it's me limiting myself, or if everyone is out to get me and ruin my career. Not exactly a stable environment for me. Though I don't know that it would be much better anywhere else. That's what I'm really afraid of. What would my life be like somewhere else? Do I want to manage in full service, quick service, do I want to serve at all? What do I do? I sit under the moon and throw prayers and wishes up at the sky and hope that somehow, some way, someone hears me and is guiding this confusing, hazy, overdramatic thing I call a life. So what now? I assert myself and try to assess my value by forcing myself to go to interviews, as uncomfortable as they are. Job searching will let me know my monetary value so that I am better able to approach my job with some perspective. Whether I stay where I am at or whether I am offered a job elsewhere, I will do what is best for my love and my self. That's all we can do, right? Rhetorical questions for a silent peanut gallery.
I think I hate my job. I mean, there are days when I want to tear the head off of each of my crewmembers and half of the guests and I have to smile and act like nothing is bothering me. This gets old after a while and there are 8 hours to fake it. There are moments when I lapse and am not perfect. I am human. These moments are balanced by the moments when I make a big difference in someone's life. I serve food. Let's be serious. But if I can move someone. If I can make them smile and enjoy their day a little more, then I feel I've done my job. But these moments are few and too far between. I don't know if it is because I'm not in full service anymore, if it's me limiting myself, or if everyone is out to get me and ruin my career. Not exactly a stable environment for me. Though I don't know that it would be much better anywhere else. That's what I'm really afraid of. What would my life be like somewhere else? Do I want to manage in full service, quick service, do I want to serve at all? What do I do? I sit under the moon and throw prayers and wishes up at the sky and hope that somehow, some way, someone hears me and is guiding this confusing, hazy, overdramatic thing I call a life. So what now? I assert myself and try to assess my value by forcing myself to go to interviews, as uncomfortable as they are. Job searching will let me know my monetary value so that I am better able to approach my job with some perspective. Whether I stay where I am at or whether I am offered a job elsewhere, I will do what is best for my love and my self. That's all we can do, right? Rhetorical questions for a silent peanut gallery.