utterly confused
So...am I dating someone right now? Yes, yes I am. Actually I think I'm more than dating him which is scary. His roommater referred to me as "girlfriend". I haven't been in a relationship in such a long time and now all of a sudden I'm totally committed. Why am I so stressed about it though? I think that maybe I'm stressed because I don't like him that much because really, if I truly liked him liked him then why would I be stressing over being committed to him? He's a great guy and he's totally in it with me but all of a sudden I feel claustrophobic. I've seen him every day and I'm used to seeing guys that I'm dating once a week, maybe twice, but there's never been this expectation that I'm going to see them everyday and I'm not sure I even want that right now. Not to mention that he's a little younger than I am (only a year in age but two in school) and I'm turning 21 and I'll be going out and what not...grr, that shouldn't matter. I find myself constantly comparing things to lucas because I was so in love with him and would have given myself to him in a heartbeat. Now, everything seems to pale in comparison and I can't find that right guy that makes me want to give everything else up. I think the solution is to just "go back" and simply date for a while and then make it serious if that's what we both want at the time. Not to mention the fact that there is this goth guy that I really want to get to know. Now, speaking in terms of reality, I don't think a relationship with him would be feasible because he's so into goth and I'm pretty regular when I think about it but he's a pretty interesting guy from what I can tell. I don't know, what I really need to do is stop thinking about stupid boys and concentrate on my studies because I'm really bogged down by now. I have so many project classes.
I finished a small film with Kristen that was just hilarious. Basically the premise is that she eats stuff that I feed her in close up. It's a pretty ridiculous film and there's not a lot of flow to it but I think it works simply for the comic effect.
I don't really know what else to say. I'm pretty preoccupied by the fact that time is passing and yet feels like it's not moving at all but at the same time I feel like there's never enough time to do everything I need to do and now I'm losing sleep because I have to spread my time everywhere between the two jobs and my friends and my studies and now Tyler. I've always made it through though so I think I can do it...it's just going to be a challenge. Oh yah, and I have to think about building my portfolio for film school and I have to think about what I'm doing this summer...it needs to be something impressive that I can actually use for something in the future...possible documentary making in some country somewhere else. Whatever...too stressed. Where does the time go?
I finished a small film with Kristen that was just hilarious. Basically the premise is that she eats stuff that I feed her in close up. It's a pretty ridiculous film and there's not a lot of flow to it but I think it works simply for the comic effect.
I don't really know what else to say. I'm pretty preoccupied by the fact that time is passing and yet feels like it's not moving at all but at the same time I feel like there's never enough time to do everything I need to do and now I'm losing sleep because I have to spread my time everywhere between the two jobs and my friends and my studies and now Tyler. I've always made it through though so I think I can do it...it's just going to be a challenge. Oh yah, and I have to think about building my portfolio for film school and I have to think about what I'm doing this summer...it needs to be something impressive that I can actually use for something in the future...possible documentary making in some country somewhere else. Whatever...too stressed. Where does the time go?