Anger & Depression
In a swirl, in a mix...
I can't see between anger and depression.
Issues still exist, where my head is not clear by any means.
You put up with it, and try your best.
I hurt in ways that not many people can understand.
It's slowly fading, but it takes time, time i'm not sure i have.
I wish i could carve it all away, as though it were a trimming not necessary.
the pent up anger i have is flooding at times, fleeting at others.
Sanctuary is found rarely, as concerns seem to trample my every thought.
Fear that history will repeat itself, and i will prove to be less than what i should be.
Fear that i am not the trophy that is so deserved.
Fear that i will be left alone and broken again.
I trust in you.
i trust in the world you build for me, for us.
But fear is biting, fiery and intense, i sometimes cannot see past it.
Caught up in the loop of the last year of my life, i struggle against the netting, sometimes the harder i fight... the harder i'm held back.
I am apologetic for who i am now,
because i was broken down in ways i could never explain.
And even though i'm being lifted up now,
in ways i could never imagine,
I feel apologetic, because fear makes me dead weight.
How can you rebuild yourself so quickly?
I'm running out of stitches and duct tape for the holes shot through me.
I'm working so hard to repair the damage, but i feel as though it's not good enough.
It's hard when anger and depression make you feel like less of a person.
It's even harder when you have someone so good, and you just feel like you're truly not what they deserve.
I breathe, so i can remember that stress and anger is temporary.
I breathe you in so i can remember that i've no reason for depression.
I only wish that i could be more.
And i put my mask back on, and carry forward.
I wish the smile i had wasn't fake today.
I can't see between anger and depression.
Issues still exist, where my head is not clear by any means.
You put up with it, and try your best.
I hurt in ways that not many people can understand.
It's slowly fading, but it takes time, time i'm not sure i have.
I wish i could carve it all away, as though it were a trimming not necessary.
the pent up anger i have is flooding at times, fleeting at others.
Sanctuary is found rarely, as concerns seem to trample my every thought.
Fear that history will repeat itself, and i will prove to be less than what i should be.
Fear that i am not the trophy that is so deserved.
Fear that i will be left alone and broken again.
I trust in you.
i trust in the world you build for me, for us.
But fear is biting, fiery and intense, i sometimes cannot see past it.
Caught up in the loop of the last year of my life, i struggle against the netting, sometimes the harder i fight... the harder i'm held back.
I am apologetic for who i am now,
because i was broken down in ways i could never explain.
And even though i'm being lifted up now,
in ways i could never imagine,
I feel apologetic, because fear makes me dead weight.
How can you rebuild yourself so quickly?
I'm running out of stitches and duct tape for the holes shot through me.
I'm working so hard to repair the damage, but i feel as though it's not good enough.
It's hard when anger and depression make you feel like less of a person.
It's even harder when you have someone so good, and you just feel like you're truly not what they deserve.
I breathe, so i can remember that stress and anger is temporary.
I breathe you in so i can remember that i've no reason for depression.
I only wish that i could be more.
And i put my mask back on, and carry forward.
I wish the smile i had wasn't fake today.