like a tiny, angry, t-rex that can FLY?
Yesterday Riley and I went to the new place to clean the refrigerator. Well. I went to clean the refrigerator. Riley went for moral support and also to play with her softball. I try not to give myself too many things to do at once when I'm hurt****, and cleaning and reassembling a refrigerator (from a closed box with a pile of dead shelves at the bottom) sounded about perfect for the day -- that, and finally meeting the mysterious Neighbor in Apartment A.
****SEE I AM LEARNING YOU GUYS
It turns out that meeting the neighbor is all we did, because there is no electricity to be found, and after the time change things get dark awful fast. It also turns out that, hilariously, he used to be my neighbor here -- he was the guy with the noisy dogs that stopped being noisy after I was all HI SORRY MY DOG IS CRAZY over the fence one day. Remember that guy? That's my new-old-recurring neighbor whose name is Aaron. He has lots of tattoos and is from Detroit and works as a mechanic and has a giant lazy pit bull mix named Lucille, who has a bum hip and likes to eat tacos.
We wound up sitting around in his apartment for two hours, talking about mostly nothing, playing with Riley. He told me how nice the new neighborhood is, we rained abuse on Crazy Ann Coulter Bitch Who Owns The House Next Door, and how New Place's next-door neighbors are a married couple, of which one half is a cop. "They're, seriously, they're great people," said Neighbor Aaron, "I just went golfing with them today, Lucille swims in their pool."
Lucille, asleep in her crate, had no comment.
Things went on like this for a while. Riley got called a big baby and a lovebug and a sillybutt, and I was offered free cable because "yeah, one of my buddies climbed the pole so I'm hooked up." All was going well, I was put at my ease, there was no leering or uncomfortable closeness. There were lots of jokes about how we'd already been neighbors, wasn't that funny, small world.
Then he said something that scared me to the soles of my purple boots.
NEIGHBOR AARON: blah whooda something landlord floogle geese.
ME: Wait, what? Geese?
NEIGHBOR AARON: Geese.
ME: Like, the dinosaurs that didn't die out but just got smaller and grew feathers and are still all angry that the mammals took over the world?
NEIGHBOR AARON: ......
ME: DO YOU MEAN GEESE LIKE VERY ANGRY EVIL BIRDS THE SIZE OF DALMATIANS GEESE?
NEIGHBOR AARON: Yuh.
ME: Hoshit.
NEIGHBOR AARON: I don't know what'll happen if he brings them back. My dog doesn't mind, but your girl...
RILEY, HALF UNDER THE FUTON: I FOUND A TACO WRAPPER! I AM GOOD AT FINDING THINGS!
ME, FORESEEING TRAGEDY AND GOOSE-NIPPED EARS: Awfuck. Baby, put that down, c'mere.
NEIGHBOR AARON: Two of 'em. Big mean ugly fuckers. Mean. Mmmmeeeeaaaaannnnn.
RILEY, OBEDIENTLY: I CAN'T HAS :(
ME: I guess we can just, y'know, *gesture which is supposed to represent cooking a goose but probably looked more like a cow failing to sneeze* and then, hey Landlord, thanks for the Christmas dinner!
NEIGHBOR AARON, AMUSED: Hnh.
I am afraid. I am very afraid. I am also aware of just how much a nerdy spaz I am around normal people.
****SEE I AM LEARNING YOU GUYS
It turns out that meeting the neighbor is all we did, because there is no electricity to be found, and after the time change things get dark awful fast. It also turns out that, hilariously, he used to be my neighbor here -- he was the guy with the noisy dogs that stopped being noisy after I was all HI SORRY MY DOG IS CRAZY over the fence one day. Remember that guy? That's my new-old-recurring neighbor whose name is Aaron. He has lots of tattoos and is from Detroit and works as a mechanic and has a giant lazy pit bull mix named Lucille, who has a bum hip and likes to eat tacos.
We wound up sitting around in his apartment for two hours, talking about mostly nothing, playing with Riley. He told me how nice the new neighborhood is, we rained abuse on Crazy Ann Coulter Bitch Who Owns The House Next Door, and how New Place's next-door neighbors are a married couple, of which one half is a cop. "They're, seriously, they're great people," said Neighbor Aaron, "I just went golfing with them today, Lucille swims in their pool."
Lucille, asleep in her crate, had no comment.
Things went on like this for a while. Riley got called a big baby and a lovebug and a sillybutt, and I was offered free cable because "yeah, one of my buddies climbed the pole so I'm hooked up." All was going well, I was put at my ease, there was no leering or uncomfortable closeness. There were lots of jokes about how we'd already been neighbors, wasn't that funny, small world.
Then he said something that scared me to the soles of my purple boots.
NEIGHBOR AARON: blah whooda something landlord floogle geese.
ME: Wait, what? Geese?
NEIGHBOR AARON: Geese.
ME: Like, the dinosaurs that didn't die out but just got smaller and grew feathers and are still all angry that the mammals took over the world?
NEIGHBOR AARON: ......
ME: DO YOU MEAN GEESE LIKE VERY ANGRY EVIL BIRDS THE SIZE OF DALMATIANS GEESE?
NEIGHBOR AARON: Yuh.
ME: Hoshit.
NEIGHBOR AARON: I don't know what'll happen if he brings them back. My dog doesn't mind, but your girl...
RILEY, HALF UNDER THE FUTON: I FOUND A TACO WRAPPER! I AM GOOD AT FINDING THINGS!
ME, FORESEEING TRAGEDY AND GOOSE-NIPPED EARS: Awfuck. Baby, put that down, c'mere.
NEIGHBOR AARON: Two of 'em. Big mean ugly fuckers. Mean. Mmmmeeeeaaaaannnnn.
RILEY, OBEDIENTLY: I CAN'T HAS :(
ME: I guess we can just, y'know, *gesture which is supposed to represent cooking a goose but probably looked more like a cow failing to sneeze* and then, hey Landlord, thanks for the Christmas dinner!
NEIGHBOR AARON, AMUSED: Hnh.
I am afraid. I am very afraid. I am also aware of just how much a nerdy spaz I am around normal people.