everyone else's mobility issues

[mistressindi]

I have noticed that I sometimes get Disapproving Glares from able-bodied passers-by in the pursuit of helping my mom out with stuff. Like when I open a door with a flourish and say, "AFTER YOU, GIMP LADY," which I say because things like that crack her the hell up, and when she's amused she's less annoyed at the business of walking. I guess I am supposed to pretend that she does not have a cane or a shattered ankle and I just have a habit of opening doors and walking really slowly, and she gets tired and sore for ABSOLUTELY NO REASON AT ALL. Because to do otherwise is rude, you know. I mean, my mother is like Betty White - she is small and smiling with a little poof of white hair and the most unbelievable profanity drops from her happy face when you least expect it.

And then there's the part where we have this conversation about once a month:

INDI: "Mom. Poke that guy in the head with your cane."

MY MOM: "What? No. He'll move in a minute."

INDI: "He will not, and if you're not going to use it on people what do you have it for?"

MY MOM: "To WALK, Indi."

INDI: "Besides that. You're a crotchety old lady now, you're allowed to whap people with your cane."

MY MOM: "I can?" :D

INDI: "Yeahuh. But not me. Or Riley."

(RILEY: "WE CAN PLAY FETCH WITH IT. YOU THROWS. I GETS. AND THEN YOU GETS FROM ME. BUT YOU HAS TO CATCH ME AND I RUN FAST.")

(BOTH OF US: "Riley, NO.")

MY MOM: "What about that guy there, I can whap him!"

INDI: "Attagirl, Ma."

MY MOM: "Being old is so fun."

Everyone should consider themselves lucky that she has more patience and self-control than I do.