(no subject)
omg two totally horrible things. found out my cousin tried to kill herself. wont go into details of why or anything but i was shocked. shes only like 13 or 14. we're not close or anything but i wanna hug her. another thing, a close family friend has bowel cancer adn it doesnt look good for him. his wife already died of breast cancer. gawd why cant good people be allowed to be happy?
i feel so horrible myself. i want/need to die. i feel so violated. i feel sick inside. i want to scream. how dare that bastard do what he did. i cant talk to anyone which makes it worse. i wanna scream and shout and cry and make the pain disappear.
im so sick of always fucking up. always. always. i thought my one remaining old friend from the lil town would be there forever. but im not in her life anymore it seems. probably best. i would only cause her pain and its less people to worry about when im gone. shes a good person but she never has time for me anymore. ah well. people drift off. and like i said. less friends the better. wonder who would turn up at my funeral. would it be to say goodbye or spit on me?
birthday night out tommmorow. most my friends are coming which is nice :) like a final celebration. maybe if i take enough drugs and drink itll work. prolly not. oh well.
die die die die. dunno. just felt like typing. BASTARD!! how could he!? why?!?!? WHY?! why me? i wasnt the most attractive girl there, or the only one passed out. im ugly and frumpy....WHY?! fucking so sick or bastarding men. i wanna scrub my skin off. gawd let me be happy please. i cant take anymore of this shit. always. constant.
fuck it.
i feel so horrible myself. i want/need to die. i feel so violated. i feel sick inside. i want to scream. how dare that bastard do what he did. i cant talk to anyone which makes it worse. i wanna scream and shout and cry and make the pain disappear.
im so sick of always fucking up. always. always. i thought my one remaining old friend from the lil town would be there forever. but im not in her life anymore it seems. probably best. i would only cause her pain and its less people to worry about when im gone. shes a good person but she never has time for me anymore. ah well. people drift off. and like i said. less friends the better. wonder who would turn up at my funeral. would it be to say goodbye or spit on me?
birthday night out tommmorow. most my friends are coming which is nice :) like a final celebration. maybe if i take enough drugs and drink itll work. prolly not. oh well.
die die die die. dunno. just felt like typing. BASTARD!! how could he!? why?!?!? WHY?! why me? i wasnt the most attractive girl there, or the only one passed out. im ugly and frumpy....WHY?! fucking so sick or bastarding men. i wanna scrub my skin off. gawd let me be happy please. i cant take anymore of this shit. always. constant.
fuck it.