(no subject)
They always do this. Always. Nothing can ever be simple. They can't ever do anything like normal. What is it with my family insisting to never get along with other people???
They can't ever do anything in spirit. It's always back alleys and "short-cuts" that end up being longer than the original way.
On one hand, my mom may be right, because she's doing what's best for our family and our situation. On the other hand, I'm sick of her being so goddamn SELFISH. It's not like it's just anyone. I can't ever imagine myself making the decisions she's making. That's just pure selfishness.
Then again, this is all my point of view speaking. And I always seem to care less for myself than others. So really, all she's doing is protecting her own and making it better for our family. And all this anger is from my innocent, Utopean point of view. Because people don't do things for each other these days and it's stupid of me to think that someone would go out of their way for someone else.
And maybe, maybe a small part of this is my own selfishness. And my own inability to understand. I'm sure it's different when you're older. And this is a stupid and insignificant reason for me to be angry, because it doesn't change anything in the long run, but still. I'm shocked to find how different our priorities are.
And on top of everything else, my tooth hurts like a motherfucker. It's been hurting since Thursday and I've been popping advil like a crackaddict and it's not going away; it's so annoying that I'm ready to cry. It's the bottom tooth on the left side but it hurts so much that it feels like the whole left side of my face is in agony. It's not a terrible terrible terrible pain, just a terrible terrible one and it's really annoying. I just took another advil and I'm waiting for it to start working. T.T
I'm home alone right now and I'm not even enjoying it. I'm going to try a new method of writing. Cause nothing else seems to work and allow me to write without killing myself. Usually, random words or bits of dialog pop into my mind and I scribble them down in random places and forget about them. Yesterday, I gathered all of the recent ones and wrote them out on index cards, which I spread out all over my floor, in some semblance of order in which they could come up. This morning, I brought my laptop upstairs and I'll probably go up right now and see what comes out. The thing is, I can't find my electronic dictionary, and I really like having it beside me when I'm writing. Not that I use it all that much anymore, but it had a thesaurus option in it too and that was really handy, concerning those time when you know that you know a word and it's on the tip of your tongue but for the life of you, you can't recall it. That dictionary is a lifesaver. I don't even know what I could have done with it, it's nowhere in my room. >.>
Here's a couple of sentences I really liked from "The Prophet" by Kahlil Griban:
"How shall I go in peace and without sorrow? Nay, not without a wound in the spirit shall I leave this city. Long were the days of pain I have spent within it's walls, and long were the nights of aloneness; and who can depart from his pain and his aloneness without regret?"
Sadly true, no matter what the context.
They can't ever do anything in spirit. It's always back alleys and "short-cuts" that end up being longer than the original way.
On one hand, my mom may be right, because she's doing what's best for our family and our situation. On the other hand, I'm sick of her being so goddamn SELFISH. It's not like it's just anyone. I can't ever imagine myself making the decisions she's making. That's just pure selfishness.
Then again, this is all my point of view speaking. And I always seem to care less for myself than others. So really, all she's doing is protecting her own and making it better for our family. And all this anger is from my innocent, Utopean point of view. Because people don't do things for each other these days and it's stupid of me to think that someone would go out of their way for someone else.
And maybe, maybe a small part of this is my own selfishness. And my own inability to understand. I'm sure it's different when you're older. And this is a stupid and insignificant reason for me to be angry, because it doesn't change anything in the long run, but still. I'm shocked to find how different our priorities are.
And on top of everything else, my tooth hurts like a motherfucker. It's been hurting since Thursday and I've been popping advil like a crackaddict and it's not going away; it's so annoying that I'm ready to cry. It's the bottom tooth on the left side but it hurts so much that it feels like the whole left side of my face is in agony. It's not a terrible terrible terrible pain, just a terrible terrible one and it's really annoying. I just took another advil and I'm waiting for it to start working. T.T
I'm home alone right now and I'm not even enjoying it. I'm going to try a new method of writing. Cause nothing else seems to work and allow me to write without killing myself. Usually, random words or bits of dialog pop into my mind and I scribble them down in random places and forget about them. Yesterday, I gathered all of the recent ones and wrote them out on index cards, which I spread out all over my floor, in some semblance of order in which they could come up. This morning, I brought my laptop upstairs and I'll probably go up right now and see what comes out. The thing is, I can't find my electronic dictionary, and I really like having it beside me when I'm writing. Not that I use it all that much anymore, but it had a thesaurus option in it too and that was really handy, concerning those time when you know that you know a word and it's on the tip of your tongue but for the life of you, you can't recall it. That dictionary is a lifesaver. I don't even know what I could have done with it, it's nowhere in my room. >.>
Here's a couple of sentences I really liked from "The Prophet" by Kahlil Griban:
"How shall I go in peace and without sorrow? Nay, not without a wound in the spirit shall I leave this city. Long were the days of pain I have spent within it's walls, and long were the nights of aloneness; and who can depart from his pain and his aloneness without regret?"
Sadly true, no matter what the context.