...
Tired today. I found out that somehow my freezer is either broken or the power went off and everything defrosted. In fact, it had been defrosted for a few days. I had to throw out over 30$ of food and I don't know if the freezer is going to work still.
My boss has been working me pretty hard, so I'm exhausted most of the time. My depression is kicking in overtime after the whole freezer thing. I'm so tired of simple things going wrong. I cried myself to sleep a few nights ago because Chris asked me if Greg and I had talked about having kids, and of course I refuse to. I have nightmares about something growing inside me eating me alive; how am I supposed to have kids? And I remembered that once Greg said something about donating his sperm because he wanted at least that one chance of a child of his genes, and I cried because it wouldn't be my genes too. It would be some other woman's and it hurt so much. It just makes me feel so useless.
It doesn't help that every night I have nightmares. I wake up crying with Shylo whining and licking my arm. I wish it would stop; it makes me want to cut myself up and I don't want to take pills again.
Other than that, not much going on. Just sleep and work and my fucking freezer dying on me. I have a ton of dishes to do and no will to do them with.
Rammstein - "Los"
We were nameless
And without songs.
We were never again
Really wordless.
Still we are
A little songless,
Yet we're not toneless.
You can hear us
After a gust of wind.
Began a storm
Simply matchless;
It was timeless.
They were speechless,
So totally shocked
And totally powerless.
"What happened?"
Somewhat composureless
And surely
Understandingless.
"That will be censored."
They said groundless;
"Too bad about the music,
So shameless.
That should be forbidden;
It's witless."
What they're trying there?
"So tasteless,
How they're making music."
Is it hopeless,
Senseless,
Helpless?
"They are godless."
We were nameless;
We have a name.
We were wordless;
The words came.
Still we are
A little songless,
Yet we're not toneless.
You do hear it;
We aren't flawless,
Just a bit anchorless.
You will become soundless;
You'll never get rid of us.
We were "-less."
My boss has been working me pretty hard, so I'm exhausted most of the time. My depression is kicking in overtime after the whole freezer thing. I'm so tired of simple things going wrong. I cried myself to sleep a few nights ago because Chris asked me if Greg and I had talked about having kids, and of course I refuse to. I have nightmares about something growing inside me eating me alive; how am I supposed to have kids? And I remembered that once Greg said something about donating his sperm because he wanted at least that one chance of a child of his genes, and I cried because it wouldn't be my genes too. It would be some other woman's and it hurt so much. It just makes me feel so useless.
It doesn't help that every night I have nightmares. I wake up crying with Shylo whining and licking my arm. I wish it would stop; it makes me want to cut myself up and I don't want to take pills again.
Other than that, not much going on. Just sleep and work and my fucking freezer dying on me. I have a ton of dishes to do and no will to do them with.
Rammstein - "Los"
We were nameless
And without songs.
We were never again
Really wordless.
Still we are
A little songless,
Yet we're not toneless.
You can hear us
After a gust of wind.
Began a storm
Simply matchless;
It was timeless.
They were speechless,
So totally shocked
And totally powerless.
"What happened?"
Somewhat composureless
And surely
Understandingless.
"That will be censored."
They said groundless;
"Too bad about the music,
So shameless.
That should be forbidden;
It's witless."
What they're trying there?
"So tasteless,
How they're making music."
Is it hopeless,
Senseless,
Helpless?
"They are godless."
We were nameless;
We have a name.
We were wordless;
The words came.
Still we are
A little songless,
Yet we're not toneless.
You do hear it;
We aren't flawless,
Just a bit anchorless.
You will become soundless;
You'll never get rid of us.
We were "-less."