Happy Birthday to Me!
My birthday is coming up, real soon here, and it wouldn't be the Birthday Season without some amount of OMGWTFBBQ going on.
I know exactly what I want, but I can't fucking have it. I swear to cupcakes, someone is having the biggest cosmic laugh at me. If I sit and think about it, and line up all the stupidity of the last few years, it's MIND BOGGLING. I'm serious, it sounds like a bad plot to some romance novels. Urgh. And things keep happening.
The Asshat of Great Stupidity was laid off for the winter yesterday. Right before fucking Christmas. This is how it goes down:
Asshat: I got bad news, I have good news.
Me: Yeah?
Asshat: De good news is, Steve [his head-honcho boss] give us a ham and a giftcard. *proudly brandishes huge ass ham*
Me: Okaaaaaay...
Asshat: De bad news, I got laid off.
Me: Wait, what? You got fucking laid off right before Christmas and he gave you a ham as a consolation prize? Are you shitting me.
Asshat: Eeeeey, it could be worse.
Me: You're right. 'So sorry about the power, Little Son of Spooky, I know how much you dig having electricity, but WE HAVE A HAM OMG WE ARE SO SAVED.'
Seriously? Who the fuck. A ham. This is like that episode of the Simpsons where Apu has like 4,000 kids and Marge bakes them a banana bread. WHAT WERE YOU THINKGING?! The good news is that we've already paid December's rent, and Asshat will have about a half a paycheck coming next week, which will almost cover rent for January. He's working random jobs right now, trying to get money for other happy-ass bills. Yay.
So. Also applied for my happy-ass student loan yesterday, because y'all know how damn bad I want to get my lucious ass back into school and GTFO... And guess what? NOT APPROVED. THANK YOU, UNIVERSE. KEEP ON TRUCKING. Now, to be fair, there's a large chance that my paperwork hasn't been procesed that I'm officially un-default-like on my first student loan, so I'm applying again in a week or so. Let's all keep our fingers crossed for that. I'm also inclined to think that the Powers That Be would be mildly appeased by the sacrificing of cupcakes or certain Guatemalans. Or Belgians. You know who you are, and you're pissing me the fuck off. However, I got my loan payments reduced to $27, woot for that.
Anyway.
I've been in an absolutely rotten-ass funk the past several days. I know what triggered it, and I know what's keeping me in that space. I was feeling full of BLERGH even before all that up thar (^) happened, and it's just compounding it. There's some serious backsliding happening in terms of antisocial, anti-world, anti-whatever behavior on my part going on, and it scares me. I was in a really good place mentally and emotionally for a long time... I guess I was due for more fuckwittery and heartbreak.
So what do I do when I'm feeling like crap? Well, I'd really like to munch a cupcake, but I still have this pipe dream of being a size 10/12 when I roll out to CA in March. I call Mom instead.
Now, Mom is super win. You guys have no idea. Unfortunately, she's just really, really icky too with this infection in her mouth from surgery... That's going to be trouble, I'm calling it right now. Hospital and all, and she's still not well. This is ridiculous. ANYWAY, she did remind me that I come from a long line of nutty, nutty women, and I'm entitled to feel a little nutters from time to time. I mean, considering that I've been 3 years+ stuck in a marriage that is plain shit send a lifeboat, oh God halp, been a stay-at-home-mom for the sake of my little guy, and basically shoveled everyone around me up whenever their shiz falls apart... Yeah, y'know what? Let's do this. I'm totally going to be a hermit for a while.
All of this prompted Mom to relate one of her Tales of Rednecks of Yore: "Your grandma [her mother] wakes up one morning because the neighbor is working on his house. Now, it was around 8am, not super early or anything, and it wasn't even a weekend. [Sidenote: Mom grew up in a town that, at the time, was super white trash and super small. I can use the term white trash because it's in my genes, and it's true, so there.] So Grandma wakes up, pops out of bed, stalks across the yard to said neighbors house, and yanks the hammer out of his hand. When he starts to yammer about wanting it back, she calmly tells him that she'll use it on his goddamn head if he ever starts making racket that early again."
You hear that Universe? You quit this racket and BS or I am going to steal your hammer and beat you in the head with it. It's in my genetics, you mook. If you think I can't bean the Universe on the noggin, you just fucking try me.
I know exactly what I want, but I can't fucking have it. I swear to cupcakes, someone is having the biggest cosmic laugh at me. If I sit and think about it, and line up all the stupidity of the last few years, it's MIND BOGGLING. I'm serious, it sounds like a bad plot to some romance novels. Urgh. And things keep happening.
The Asshat of Great Stupidity was laid off for the winter yesterday. Right before fucking Christmas. This is how it goes down:
Asshat: I got bad news, I have good news.
Me: Yeah?
Asshat: De good news is, Steve [his head-honcho boss] give us a ham and a giftcard. *proudly brandishes huge ass ham*
Me: Okaaaaaay...
Asshat: De bad news, I got laid off.
Me: Wait, what? You got fucking laid off right before Christmas and he gave you a ham as a consolation prize? Are you shitting me.
Asshat: Eeeeey, it could be worse.
Me: You're right. 'So sorry about the power, Little Son of Spooky, I know how much you dig having electricity, but WE HAVE A HAM OMG WE ARE SO SAVED.'
Seriously? Who the fuck. A ham. This is like that episode of the Simpsons where Apu has like 4,000 kids and Marge bakes them a banana bread. WHAT WERE YOU THINKGING?! The good news is that we've already paid December's rent, and Asshat will have about a half a paycheck coming next week, which will almost cover rent for January. He's working random jobs right now, trying to get money for other happy-ass bills. Yay.
So. Also applied for my happy-ass student loan yesterday, because y'all know how damn bad I want to get my lucious ass back into school and GTFO... And guess what? NOT APPROVED. THANK YOU, UNIVERSE. KEEP ON TRUCKING. Now, to be fair, there's a large chance that my paperwork hasn't been procesed that I'm officially un-default-like on my first student loan, so I'm applying again in a week or so. Let's all keep our fingers crossed for that. I'm also inclined to think that the Powers That Be would be mildly appeased by the sacrificing of cupcakes or certain Guatemalans. Or Belgians. You know who you are, and you're pissing me the fuck off. However, I got my loan payments reduced to $27, woot for that.
Anyway.
I've been in an absolutely rotten-ass funk the past several days. I know what triggered it, and I know what's keeping me in that space. I was feeling full of BLERGH even before all that up thar (^) happened, and it's just compounding it. There's some serious backsliding happening in terms of antisocial, anti-world, anti-whatever behavior on my part going on, and it scares me. I was in a really good place mentally and emotionally for a long time... I guess I was due for more fuckwittery and heartbreak.
So what do I do when I'm feeling like crap? Well, I'd really like to munch a cupcake, but I still have this pipe dream of being a size 10/12 when I roll out to CA in March. I call Mom instead.
Now, Mom is super win. You guys have no idea. Unfortunately, she's just really, really icky too with this infection in her mouth from surgery... That's going to be trouble, I'm calling it right now. Hospital and all, and she's still not well. This is ridiculous. ANYWAY, she did remind me that I come from a long line of nutty, nutty women, and I'm entitled to feel a little nutters from time to time. I mean, considering that I've been 3 years+ stuck in a marriage that is plain shit send a lifeboat, oh God halp, been a stay-at-home-mom for the sake of my little guy, and basically shoveled everyone around me up whenever their shiz falls apart... Yeah, y'know what? Let's do this. I'm totally going to be a hermit for a while.
All of this prompted Mom to relate one of her Tales of Rednecks of Yore: "Your grandma [her mother] wakes up one morning because the neighbor is working on his house. Now, it was around 8am, not super early or anything, and it wasn't even a weekend. [Sidenote: Mom grew up in a town that, at the time, was super white trash and super small. I can use the term white trash because it's in my genes, and it's true, so there.] So Grandma wakes up, pops out of bed, stalks across the yard to said neighbors house, and yanks the hammer out of his hand. When he starts to yammer about wanting it back, she calmly tells him that she'll use it on his goddamn head if he ever starts making racket that early again."
You hear that Universe? You quit this racket and BS or I am going to steal your hammer and beat you in the head with it. It's in my genetics, you mook. If you think I can't bean the Universe on the noggin, you just fucking try me.