Infy's Stages of Road Rage
So, on my way home from work the other day, I had the great fortune of being stuck at in traffic while a bulldozer happily chugged its way across the road. I'm really certain the guy driving it was actually Sasquatch, hell-bent on exacting his revenge on humans by creating traffic snarls in weather that had surpassed 80F.
Allow me also to give some necessary backstory: My car has been through a lot. It's all smashed up on the driver's side (Thank you, drunk driver!), the trunk is dented (Thank you, fucking tornado!), there's no AC because I'm too cheap to get it fixed, and there's no sign of a radio except a few wires that I'm debating about braiding just to spruce it up a little bit. So, I have to roll around in silence with the windows down on hot summer days, which is okay for the most part--I like the wind in my hair and all that shit.
UNTIL.
I get stuck in traffic, and I'm sitting there, sweating like a fucking walrus in aerobics class under my layers of black clothing. Now, I also had the great fortune of getting stuck next to someone who apparently had gotten hungry and eaten the volume buttons off their stereo in desperation. I cannot describe to you how obnoxiously loud this radio was. You have no concept. The real beauty of it all was that their trunk wasn't insulated, so every time the bass would thump, the trunk would fart.
BOOMBOOMPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTBOOMBOOMFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT
Now, that was kinda irritating in and of itself, but all of us stuck behind Sasquatch the Jolly Bulldozer Operator were lucky enough to have LYRICS that accompanied said music.
"FUCKING HOES IS GREAT, I STOLE MY NEIGHBORS CAT AND SOLD IT FOR DRUG MONEY, DERP DERP!"
Allow me to demonstrate in visual form: The Four Stages of Road Rage
By Stage Four, I'm just a mass of flailing, cursing anger with a top hat. It's pretty much blind rage. Something inside me snapped, and next thing I know, I've got my upper body mostly out of the driver's side window, shrieking at the assholes next to me at each interval in the bass.
I don't really remember driving the rest of the way to my parents' house, only that I felt kind of blissful afterward. Oh, and everyone packed into that car looking at me like 0_0, I vaguely remember that too. I guess having a 5' woman with huge tits and a top hat scream at you like a banshee at a stoplight will do that.
Allow me also to give some necessary backstory: My car has been through a lot. It's all smashed up on the driver's side (Thank you, drunk driver!), the trunk is dented (Thank you, fucking tornado!), there's no AC because I'm too cheap to get it fixed, and there's no sign of a radio except a few wires that I'm debating about braiding just to spruce it up a little bit. So, I have to roll around in silence with the windows down on hot summer days, which is okay for the most part--I like the wind in my hair and all that shit.
UNTIL.
I get stuck in traffic, and I'm sitting there, sweating like a fucking walrus in aerobics class under my layers of black clothing. Now, I also had the great fortune of getting stuck next to someone who apparently had gotten hungry and eaten the volume buttons off their stereo in desperation. I cannot describe to you how obnoxiously loud this radio was. You have no concept. The real beauty of it all was that their trunk wasn't insulated, so every time the bass would thump, the trunk would fart.
BOOMBOOMPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTBOOMBOOMFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT
Now, that was kinda irritating in and of itself, but all of us stuck behind Sasquatch the Jolly Bulldozer Operator were lucky enough to have LYRICS that accompanied said music.
"FUCKING HOES IS GREAT, I STOLE MY NEIGHBORS CAT AND SOLD IT FOR DRUG MONEY, DERP DERP!"
Allow me to demonstrate in visual form: The Four Stages of Road Rage
By Stage Four, I'm just a mass of flailing, cursing anger with a top hat. It's pretty much blind rage. Something inside me snapped, and next thing I know, I've got my upper body mostly out of the driver's side window, shrieking at the assholes next to me at each interval in the bass.
I don't really remember driving the rest of the way to my parents' house, only that I felt kind of blissful afterward. Oh, and everyone packed into that car looking at me like 0_0, I vaguely remember that too. I guess having a 5' woman with huge tits and a top hat scream at you like a banshee at a stoplight will do that.