(no subject)
Title: One more chance {Chapter 2}
Author: Mistress_astute
Pairing: Ariyama
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: Yamada's dying. He just wants to help Daiki move on.
“Ne Ryosuke, you can rest now,” Daiki mumbled softly, hand resting on the tombstone as tears poured down his face. “You’re free now.”
Daiki sat down beside the tombstone and rested his head against it, feeling almost as if it was Yamada’s chest that he was lying on. The funeral had just ended an hour ago and everyone else had left already, but Daiki was not ready to leave yet. He was not ready to accept that Yamada was no longer with him anymore. And he was definitely not ready to accept that he was alone now.
The last few years had been torture and yet bliss at the same time. It still brought tears to Daiki’s eyes whenever he thought about it but it also brought a smile to his face. He wondered if he would ever get over it.
--
“Daiki, I have something to tell you,” Yamada uttered quietly and something in his voice made Daiki stop whatever he was doing and rush to the younger boy’s side.
“What is it Ryosuke?” he asked, urgency spilling in his voice. “Hurry, tell me now.”
“I don’t know how to…” Yamada breathed out. He stood up and started pacing around the room in circles. Daiki’s eyes followed him worriedly. Exactly what was it that was making his boyfriend all jumpy and anxious?
“You’re not going to break up with me are you?” Daiki asked, voicing out his deepest fear as he nervously waited for Yamada’s respond.
“What?!” Yamada exclaimed, rushing back to the couch and settling beside Daiki. He grabbed Daiki’s hands and held them firmly in his own. “Never. Don’t be stupid.”
Daiki felt like sighing in relieve, but the 7 member still looked so stressed that he could not find it in himself to feel comforted. He wondered what was going on. He gripped Yamada’s hand tighter in his and stared at the younger one in the eye firmly.
“Tell me Ryo, tell me, so that I can help you.”
Yamada stared back at him, fear was reflected in his eyes and it broke Daiki’s heart, knowing that he could not help since he did not even know what was bothering the other. He never felt more useless in his life.
“Daiki, answer me something truthfully okay?” Yamada requested, directing his eyes towards their entwined hands. A gentle smile came upon his face. “Ne Daichan… do you think that you could live without me?”
“No.”
The answer was so quick that Yamada was taken aback. He looked up and stared into his boyfriend’s eyes. There was a fierce determination in it that Yamada recognised. When Daiki had that look, it meant that he was not lying. Yamada knew that he should be happy and jumping for all the joy in the world but he was not. If it had been any other time, he might have ran out of the room, exclaiming how the world was such a lovely place. Unfortunately, this was not the time.
“I wished you said yes…” Yamada muttered in the end as tears started to trickle down his face. “I wished you said yes…”
Daiki was stunned. Why was Yamada acting so weird? And why was he saying such things? Though Daiki did not understand anything, he leant forward and captured Yamada’s lips in a kiss. He was surprised at how desperate Yamada seemed when he kissed back, pushing Daiki down onto the couch.
“What’s wrong?” Daiki asked when they broke apart for air.
“Not now,” Yamada replied as he pressed his lips against Daiki’s soft ones again, this time fiercer.
Later that night, with their clothes strewn all over the floor, the two laid on Yamada’s bed with Yamada holding Daiki close to him. The younger one had fallen asleep almost immediately after but Daiki found himself unable to. Now, under the tender glow of the moonlight, he watched his boyfriend closely. With a sigh, he reached up and smoothed the wrinkles away from his boyfriend’s forehead.
“What’s wrong love?” he said, hoping that somehow Yamada could hear him in his sleeps. “You know that you can tell me anything.” He placed a soft kiss on Yamada’s lips. With a sad smile, he snuggled into the 7 member’s chest and tried to catch some sleep.
--
“Morning,” Yamada greeted the next morning, wearing a smile. Daiki was glad that Yamada was smiling again. He pecked Yamada on the lips lightly and grinned back.
“Morning.”
They laid in comfortable silence for a while, with Yamada playing with Daiki’s brown locks.
“Ne Yamachan, can you tell me now?” Daiki asked finally. Yamada stopped playing with Daiki’s hair for a while before resuming.
“Tell you what?”
Daiki sat up and glared at Yamada, an annoyed look plastered across his face.
“Don’t even try to feign ignorance when you know what I’m talking about,” Daiki snapped.
“Daiki, just don’t ask anymore,” Yamada said, almost pleading as he looked away.
“Please tell me Ryosuke, please,” Daiki said gently, tugging Yamada’s shirt so that the other one would look at him again. “Please. I want to know, whatever it is.”
Daiki’s eyes were brimming with so much sincerity and love that Yamada felt tears stinging his eyes. He placed a light, feathery kiss on Daiki’s lips.
“Promise me not to cry or anything,” Yamada said severely. Daiki was slightly taken aback by the harsh tone, and though confused, he nodded.
“I…” Yamada took a deep breath. “I’m going to die soon.” He paused and watched Daiki closely for the older boy’s reaction. For a long while, Daiki said nothing as he just stared into space with a dazed look. Yamada started getting really worried when Daiki continued that for five more minutes. “Daichan,” he said, pushing the older boy gently, hoping that he would snap out of it. To his surprise, Daiki started laughing.
“It’s not April’s Fool Yamachan,” Daiki said in between giggles. “Don’t lie.”
“Daiki, I’m not lying,” Yamada stated clearly, even though he really wanted to play along with the BEST member and pretend that it was all a joke. A sick joke.
“No! Stop it!” Daiki cried, pulling his knees up to his chest and hugging them. “Stop lying!”
“I’m not lying,” Yamada repeated, touching Daiki’s shoulder and squeezing it comfortingly. “I wouldn’t lie about such a thing.”
“But… what would JUMP do without you? We still have so many singles and albums to release. And the concerts. What about your fans? What would they do without you?” Daiki said, his voice becoming shriller and more hysterical with each word. He sniffed and turned to look at the younger boy. “What would I do without you?”
Yamada did not respond but immediately pulled Daiki into a tight hug. He could feel his chest getting wet. That triggered his own tears but he was determined to be strong and not cry.
“You promised that you wouldn’t cry,” Yamada whispered calmly, trying to lighten the gloomy situation though he knew that whatever he did would not make the future look any brighter.
“You never said anything about leaving me,” Daiki replied, choking on his sobs.
“Stop crying please,” Yamada muttered, almost inaudible.
“I’m sorry,” Daiki said, pulling away from Yamada and wiping away his tears quickly with the back of his hand. “I won’t cry. I won’t. I’ll be with you okay? You’re not alone in this.”
Yamada felt his tears streaming down his cheeks even before he could reply. He hugged Daiki again.
“Thank you. Thank you.”
--
Their last concert with Yamada lasted for a week. The fans were shocked initially by the sudden news of Yamada’s withdrawal from JUMP and they were upset of course, but they continued to give Yamada and JUMP their full support.
“I’m sorry everyone, and thank you so much for your support all these years. I’ll do my best too in fighting this sickness.” Yamada’s voice echoed loudly in the large stadium, and it was that sole statement that brought the tears to many of his fans’ eyes.
JUMP tried to cheer the audience up even as their own hearts wept.
--
“Yamachan, look what I got you today,” Daiki said cheerily, skipping into the hospital ward. He was trying to put on a happy front. Yamada was too. And even if it was obvious to the whole world that it was only pretence it did not matter. They had to be strong for each other. For themselves.
“Strawberries!” Yamada shrieked in pure delight as Daiki settled the younger boy’s favourite treat in front of him. “Ahh it’s been a long time since I ate them.”
Daiki held back the urge to cry. Again. Yamada had stopped going to work for a week already. Things just did not feel the same. The strawberries from Monday were still in the fridge in their dressing room. They were supposed to have disappeared already, except that Yamada was not there to finish them.
“Daiki, don’t cry,” Yamada muttered quietly, eyes downcast.
“I won’t.” Daiki rushed to reassure his boyfriend as he quickly sat down beside him, holding Yamada’s cold hands in his own warm ones. “I won’t waste time doing that when you’re still here. With me.”
“You’re not supposed to cry either when I’m gone,” Yamada reminded him with a threatening glare which looked more pleading than scary.
“And I won’t,” Daiki replied simply. They both knew it was a lie but neither was going to say anything about it. It would not change a thing. “You might not die anyway. There might be a donor,” Daiki added.
“And the chances are close to zero,” Yamada pointed out yet again. He wondered how many times they had this conversation already.
“But you never know,” Daiki insisted, as usual. “Everyone has a bone marrow.”
“Let’s not quarrel about this.” Yamada gripped Daiki’s hand. “I don’t want to spend my last months arguing with you.”
“I’m sorry,” Daiki whispered as he hugged Yamada.
--
The day the results of the test came out, Daiki cried and cried. JUMP tried to comfort him but it did not help, until Chinen pointed out that Yamada would definitely be upset if Daiki went in to see him like that.
“So how was it?” Yamada asked, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible, but everyone could hear the tiny bit of hope in his voice and see the optimism shining in his eyes.
“No one matched,” Daiki answered him before rushing over. “The doctors will find something though.”
But they all knew that if even Yamada’s family was unable to donate, the chances of finding someone else was virtually impossible. JUMP tried their best to ignore Yamada’s mother sniffing outside the hospital room.
--
“Ryo!” Daiki exclaimed excitedly as he dashed into the room, haversack in hand.
“Daiki where are you going?” Yamada asked, disappointment seeping into his voice. How could Daiki leave when he knew the condition Yamada was in?
“Nowhere.” Daiki rolled his eyes and settled down onto the edge of Yamada’s bed. “I’m staying right here by your side.”
“But the bag…”
“I’m moving here,” Daiki said with a huge grin plastered over his face. “Kaa-chan didn’t want me to at first but Nii-chan talked her round. Johnny-san supported me too.”
“Daiki…” Yamada said helplessly as he watched his boyfriend prance around the room happily while adding his clothes to the closet. He smiled.
“I was going to ask whether you could come stay here anyway…”
--
“I don’t want you to die,” Daiki sobbed against Yamada’s chest as Yamada held him tight. “You’re not supposed to die.”
“I don’t want to die either…” Yamada said, trying not to let his own tears spill. If he cried, who was going to support them?
“Sorry.” Daiki sniffed, pulling back and wiping away his tears. He gave Yamada a watery grin but Yamada hated that smile of Daiki’s. It was not bright and cheery as it should be.
“It’s alright,” Yamada said, kissing Daiki on the forehead. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” Daiki said before pecking Yamada on the lips. He quickly made his way back to own bed. Pulling the blanket up to his neck, he turned away from Yamada.
Yamada stared at Daiki’s back silently. It had been a few months since Daiki came to stay with him. Things were interesting at first since it was their first time staying together. Yamada felt that he got to know Daiki all over again, and that made him fall in love with the older boy even more. But then Daiki started getting too emotional and started bursting into tears randomly. Sometimes Yamada almost could not take it and wanted to ask Daiki to leave, but he knew that that would crush the older boy, and it would kill him as well. If Daiki had been a part of him ever since they started dating, then Daiki was now a half of him.
Yamada knew that Daiki was crying again from the shudders of his shoulders. Yamada wondered how many nights he had spent watching Daiki cry and not doing anything about it. Tonight was different. He was not going to let Daiki feel any more sadness. Getting up, he crossed the short distance between their beds. He slipped into the BEST member’s bed and hugged Daiki from the back.
“Ne, stop crying already,” Yamada whispered softly, knowing that Daiki was listening attentively. “I love you. You have to be happy, unless you want me to be sad too.”
Daiki turned around and nestled his head against Yamada’s chest.
“I’ll be happy, as long as you are.”
“I am happy.”
But Yamada knew that he was not.
--
Yamada was getting paler every day and JUMP knew that it was not long before Yamada eventually left them. It had been two years already. The treatment was not helping at all and the search for a donor was nowhere close to being successful.
“And that’s our new song,” Daiki said, beaming widely.
“It’s lovely,” Yamada replied as he stared at the single cover longingly. “I just wish that I could have been in it…”
Daiki just smiled as he embraced Yamada.
“I’ll go to the canteen to get a drink.”
Daiki walked out of the room as naturally as he could. It did not feel so weird anymore that Yamada was not there with JUMP but there was that constant void that could not be filled no matter what. Things almost felt normal until they realised that Yamada was not there anymore and the painful truth crushed them again.
“You alright?” Takaki asked after Daiki came out of the room.
“I don’t know how much longer I can do this Yuya,” Daiki admitted as tears once again poured down his face. Takaki pulled him into a tight embrace.
“We all don’t.”
--
“This is my bed from now onwards,” Daiki announced as he crawled into Yamada’s bed one night.
“What?”
“We’re sharing a bed.”
“You’re so stupid,” Yamada said, laughing. “We’re too fat to sleep together in this bed.”
Daiki hugged Yamada and rest his head on Yamada’s chest.
“We’ll just have to sleep like this then.”
“Go to sleep already,” Yamada said, chuckling.
--
“I love you,” Yamada repeated for the thousandth time that day.
“I love you too.” Daiki thought that he might get sick of hearing that one day but now he knew that he could never.
“Ne I got this bear for you,” Yamada said as he passed a huge teddy bear to Daiki.
“When?” Daiki asked, bewildered before his tone turned stricter. “You’re not supposed to go out.”
“Please, the nurses have their eyes on me twenty-four seven,” Yamada said with a roll of his eyes. “I ordered it online.” He stared at Daiki who was holding the teddy bear. “Well hug it.”
Daiki did as he was told.
“I love you.”
Daiki stared at the bear before turning his gaze to Yamada.
“I thought you might miss me saying that,” Yamada explained with a careless shrug but Daiki knew that Yamada was embarrassed.
“Aww you’re so adorable when you’re all flustered!” Daiki squealed as he pinched Yamada’s cheek. He tried not to notice how they felt more like skin than flesh now.
“I’m not!” Yamada retorted, trying, but failing, to hide his blush.
“I love you,” Daiki said and Yamada looked at him.
Daiki shrugged. “I think you might miss me saying that too. But I can’t get you a penguin because you can’t take that to wherever you’re going.”
Yamada smiled. He wondered when he was going.
--
“I love you so much,” Yamada whispered after he released into Daiki.
“You have no idea how much I love you,” Daiki answered.
The nurses were going to kill them in the morning but some things could not be helped.
--
“Daiki, I love you so much. You’ve been amazing and my life would have never been this complete and happy without you,” Yamada said, playing with a strand of Daiki’s hair. Daiki was lying on the bed beside him. He looked at Yamada, a stern expression on his face.
“Why are you suddenly saying all this?”
“Just listen,” Yamada snapped. The urgency in his voice was scaring Daiki and himself. Daiki obediently shut his mouth.
“I’m going to miss you so much Daiki and I know that you’re going to miss me too. But you have to move on okay? You can mourn for me for a week at most, but after that you’re going to have to be that happy Dai-chan again. Oh gosh, do you know how much I love your smile? And your eyes? And just everything about you? You’re going to have to be that Daiki who makes everyone happy again. Continue to be the bridge between BEST and 7. I - ” Yamada stopped as Daiki placed a finger on his lips.
“I know what you want to say Ryosuke,” Daiki said softly. “I understand.” They were silent for a while as they both stared at each other, love mirroring in their eyes.
“I love you.” The three words were uttered at the same time and they shared a secret smile which only they could decipher.
Later that night, as they laid on the same bed, Yamada said something to Daiki that they never exchanged before.
“Good night Daiki,” he said, a true smile of happiness on his face.
“Good night Ryosuke,” Daiki replied, feeling an aching pain in his heart.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.” So much.
--
“Ne Ryosuke, wake up,” Daiki muttered, shaking the younger boy. Even as he did that he knew that the younger one would never wake up again. He was really gone now. Tears trailed down his cheeks as he hugged the lifeless body of the other. “Please wake up…”
“Daiki?”
Yabu’s concerned voice carried in the still room. Daiki did not answer, and from his actions JUMP figured out what had happened. They kept quiet as tears of their own fell.
--
“I can’t live without you…” Daiki muttered, tracing his fingers over the inscription of the tombstone. He ignored the rain that was beating upon him.
Yamada Ryosuke
Loved member of Hey!Say!JUMP
Cherished son and brother
Beloved of Arioka Daiki
Author: Mistress_astute
Pairing: Ariyama
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: Yamada's dying. He just wants to help Daiki move on.
“Ne Ryosuke, you can rest now,” Daiki mumbled softly, hand resting on the tombstone as tears poured down his face. “You’re free now.”
Daiki sat down beside the tombstone and rested his head against it, feeling almost as if it was Yamada’s chest that he was lying on. The funeral had just ended an hour ago and everyone else had left already, but Daiki was not ready to leave yet. He was not ready to accept that Yamada was no longer with him anymore. And he was definitely not ready to accept that he was alone now.
The last few years had been torture and yet bliss at the same time. It still brought tears to Daiki’s eyes whenever he thought about it but it also brought a smile to his face. He wondered if he would ever get over it.
--
“Daiki, I have something to tell you,” Yamada uttered quietly and something in his voice made Daiki stop whatever he was doing and rush to the younger boy’s side.
“What is it Ryosuke?” he asked, urgency spilling in his voice. “Hurry, tell me now.”
“I don’t know how to…” Yamada breathed out. He stood up and started pacing around the room in circles. Daiki’s eyes followed him worriedly. Exactly what was it that was making his boyfriend all jumpy and anxious?
“You’re not going to break up with me are you?” Daiki asked, voicing out his deepest fear as he nervously waited for Yamada’s respond.
“What?!” Yamada exclaimed, rushing back to the couch and settling beside Daiki. He grabbed Daiki’s hands and held them firmly in his own. “Never. Don’t be stupid.”
Daiki felt like sighing in relieve, but the 7 member still looked so stressed that he could not find it in himself to feel comforted. He wondered what was going on. He gripped Yamada’s hand tighter in his and stared at the younger one in the eye firmly.
“Tell me Ryo, tell me, so that I can help you.”
Yamada stared back at him, fear was reflected in his eyes and it broke Daiki’s heart, knowing that he could not help since he did not even know what was bothering the other. He never felt more useless in his life.
“Daiki, answer me something truthfully okay?” Yamada requested, directing his eyes towards their entwined hands. A gentle smile came upon his face. “Ne Daichan… do you think that you could live without me?”
“No.”
The answer was so quick that Yamada was taken aback. He looked up and stared into his boyfriend’s eyes. There was a fierce determination in it that Yamada recognised. When Daiki had that look, it meant that he was not lying. Yamada knew that he should be happy and jumping for all the joy in the world but he was not. If it had been any other time, he might have ran out of the room, exclaiming how the world was such a lovely place. Unfortunately, this was not the time.
“I wished you said yes…” Yamada muttered in the end as tears started to trickle down his face. “I wished you said yes…”
Daiki was stunned. Why was Yamada acting so weird? And why was he saying such things? Though Daiki did not understand anything, he leant forward and captured Yamada’s lips in a kiss. He was surprised at how desperate Yamada seemed when he kissed back, pushing Daiki down onto the couch.
“What’s wrong?” Daiki asked when they broke apart for air.
“Not now,” Yamada replied as he pressed his lips against Daiki’s soft ones again, this time fiercer.
Later that night, with their clothes strewn all over the floor, the two laid on Yamada’s bed with Yamada holding Daiki close to him. The younger one had fallen asleep almost immediately after but Daiki found himself unable to. Now, under the tender glow of the moonlight, he watched his boyfriend closely. With a sigh, he reached up and smoothed the wrinkles away from his boyfriend’s forehead.
“What’s wrong love?” he said, hoping that somehow Yamada could hear him in his sleeps. “You know that you can tell me anything.” He placed a soft kiss on Yamada’s lips. With a sad smile, he snuggled into the 7 member’s chest and tried to catch some sleep.
--
“Morning,” Yamada greeted the next morning, wearing a smile. Daiki was glad that Yamada was smiling again. He pecked Yamada on the lips lightly and grinned back.
“Morning.”
They laid in comfortable silence for a while, with Yamada playing with Daiki’s brown locks.
“Ne Yamachan, can you tell me now?” Daiki asked finally. Yamada stopped playing with Daiki’s hair for a while before resuming.
“Tell you what?”
Daiki sat up and glared at Yamada, an annoyed look plastered across his face.
“Don’t even try to feign ignorance when you know what I’m talking about,” Daiki snapped.
“Daiki, just don’t ask anymore,” Yamada said, almost pleading as he looked away.
“Please tell me Ryosuke, please,” Daiki said gently, tugging Yamada’s shirt so that the other one would look at him again. “Please. I want to know, whatever it is.”
Daiki’s eyes were brimming with so much sincerity and love that Yamada felt tears stinging his eyes. He placed a light, feathery kiss on Daiki’s lips.
“Promise me not to cry or anything,” Yamada said severely. Daiki was slightly taken aback by the harsh tone, and though confused, he nodded.
“I…” Yamada took a deep breath. “I’m going to die soon.” He paused and watched Daiki closely for the older boy’s reaction. For a long while, Daiki said nothing as he just stared into space with a dazed look. Yamada started getting really worried when Daiki continued that for five more minutes. “Daichan,” he said, pushing the older boy gently, hoping that he would snap out of it. To his surprise, Daiki started laughing.
“It’s not April’s Fool Yamachan,” Daiki said in between giggles. “Don’t lie.”
“Daiki, I’m not lying,” Yamada stated clearly, even though he really wanted to play along with the BEST member and pretend that it was all a joke. A sick joke.
“No! Stop it!” Daiki cried, pulling his knees up to his chest and hugging them. “Stop lying!”
“I’m not lying,” Yamada repeated, touching Daiki’s shoulder and squeezing it comfortingly. “I wouldn’t lie about such a thing.”
“But… what would JUMP do without you? We still have so many singles and albums to release. And the concerts. What about your fans? What would they do without you?” Daiki said, his voice becoming shriller and more hysterical with each word. He sniffed and turned to look at the younger boy. “What would I do without you?”
Yamada did not respond but immediately pulled Daiki into a tight hug. He could feel his chest getting wet. That triggered his own tears but he was determined to be strong and not cry.
“You promised that you wouldn’t cry,” Yamada whispered calmly, trying to lighten the gloomy situation though he knew that whatever he did would not make the future look any brighter.
“You never said anything about leaving me,” Daiki replied, choking on his sobs.
“Stop crying please,” Yamada muttered, almost inaudible.
“I’m sorry,” Daiki said, pulling away from Yamada and wiping away his tears quickly with the back of his hand. “I won’t cry. I won’t. I’ll be with you okay? You’re not alone in this.”
Yamada felt his tears streaming down his cheeks even before he could reply. He hugged Daiki again.
“Thank you. Thank you.”
--
Their last concert with Yamada lasted for a week. The fans were shocked initially by the sudden news of Yamada’s withdrawal from JUMP and they were upset of course, but they continued to give Yamada and JUMP their full support.
“I’m sorry everyone, and thank you so much for your support all these years. I’ll do my best too in fighting this sickness.” Yamada’s voice echoed loudly in the large stadium, and it was that sole statement that brought the tears to many of his fans’ eyes.
JUMP tried to cheer the audience up even as their own hearts wept.
--
“Yamachan, look what I got you today,” Daiki said cheerily, skipping into the hospital ward. He was trying to put on a happy front. Yamada was too. And even if it was obvious to the whole world that it was only pretence it did not matter. They had to be strong for each other. For themselves.
“Strawberries!” Yamada shrieked in pure delight as Daiki settled the younger boy’s favourite treat in front of him. “Ahh it’s been a long time since I ate them.”
Daiki held back the urge to cry. Again. Yamada had stopped going to work for a week already. Things just did not feel the same. The strawberries from Monday were still in the fridge in their dressing room. They were supposed to have disappeared already, except that Yamada was not there to finish them.
“Daiki, don’t cry,” Yamada muttered quietly, eyes downcast.
“I won’t.” Daiki rushed to reassure his boyfriend as he quickly sat down beside him, holding Yamada’s cold hands in his own warm ones. “I won’t waste time doing that when you’re still here. With me.”
“You’re not supposed to cry either when I’m gone,” Yamada reminded him with a threatening glare which looked more pleading than scary.
“And I won’t,” Daiki replied simply. They both knew it was a lie but neither was going to say anything about it. It would not change a thing. “You might not die anyway. There might be a donor,” Daiki added.
“And the chances are close to zero,” Yamada pointed out yet again. He wondered how many times they had this conversation already.
“But you never know,” Daiki insisted, as usual. “Everyone has a bone marrow.”
“Let’s not quarrel about this.” Yamada gripped Daiki’s hand. “I don’t want to spend my last months arguing with you.”
“I’m sorry,” Daiki whispered as he hugged Yamada.
--
The day the results of the test came out, Daiki cried and cried. JUMP tried to comfort him but it did not help, until Chinen pointed out that Yamada would definitely be upset if Daiki went in to see him like that.
“So how was it?” Yamada asked, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible, but everyone could hear the tiny bit of hope in his voice and see the optimism shining in his eyes.
“No one matched,” Daiki answered him before rushing over. “The doctors will find something though.”
But they all knew that if even Yamada’s family was unable to donate, the chances of finding someone else was virtually impossible. JUMP tried their best to ignore Yamada’s mother sniffing outside the hospital room.
--
“Ryo!” Daiki exclaimed excitedly as he dashed into the room, haversack in hand.
“Daiki where are you going?” Yamada asked, disappointment seeping into his voice. How could Daiki leave when he knew the condition Yamada was in?
“Nowhere.” Daiki rolled his eyes and settled down onto the edge of Yamada’s bed. “I’m staying right here by your side.”
“But the bag…”
“I’m moving here,” Daiki said with a huge grin plastered over his face. “Kaa-chan didn’t want me to at first but Nii-chan talked her round. Johnny-san supported me too.”
“Daiki…” Yamada said helplessly as he watched his boyfriend prance around the room happily while adding his clothes to the closet. He smiled.
“I was going to ask whether you could come stay here anyway…”
--
“I don’t want you to die,” Daiki sobbed against Yamada’s chest as Yamada held him tight. “You’re not supposed to die.”
“I don’t want to die either…” Yamada said, trying not to let his own tears spill. If he cried, who was going to support them?
“Sorry.” Daiki sniffed, pulling back and wiping away his tears. He gave Yamada a watery grin but Yamada hated that smile of Daiki’s. It was not bright and cheery as it should be.
“It’s alright,” Yamada said, kissing Daiki on the forehead. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” Daiki said before pecking Yamada on the lips. He quickly made his way back to own bed. Pulling the blanket up to his neck, he turned away from Yamada.
Yamada stared at Daiki’s back silently. It had been a few months since Daiki came to stay with him. Things were interesting at first since it was their first time staying together. Yamada felt that he got to know Daiki all over again, and that made him fall in love with the older boy even more. But then Daiki started getting too emotional and started bursting into tears randomly. Sometimes Yamada almost could not take it and wanted to ask Daiki to leave, but he knew that that would crush the older boy, and it would kill him as well. If Daiki had been a part of him ever since they started dating, then Daiki was now a half of him.
Yamada knew that Daiki was crying again from the shudders of his shoulders. Yamada wondered how many nights he had spent watching Daiki cry and not doing anything about it. Tonight was different. He was not going to let Daiki feel any more sadness. Getting up, he crossed the short distance between their beds. He slipped into the BEST member’s bed and hugged Daiki from the back.
“Ne, stop crying already,” Yamada whispered softly, knowing that Daiki was listening attentively. “I love you. You have to be happy, unless you want me to be sad too.”
Daiki turned around and nestled his head against Yamada’s chest.
“I’ll be happy, as long as you are.”
“I am happy.”
But Yamada knew that he was not.
--
Yamada was getting paler every day and JUMP knew that it was not long before Yamada eventually left them. It had been two years already. The treatment was not helping at all and the search for a donor was nowhere close to being successful.
“And that’s our new song,” Daiki said, beaming widely.
“It’s lovely,” Yamada replied as he stared at the single cover longingly. “I just wish that I could have been in it…”
Daiki just smiled as he embraced Yamada.
“I’ll go to the canteen to get a drink.”
Daiki walked out of the room as naturally as he could. It did not feel so weird anymore that Yamada was not there with JUMP but there was that constant void that could not be filled no matter what. Things almost felt normal until they realised that Yamada was not there anymore and the painful truth crushed them again.
“You alright?” Takaki asked after Daiki came out of the room.
“I don’t know how much longer I can do this Yuya,” Daiki admitted as tears once again poured down his face. Takaki pulled him into a tight embrace.
“We all don’t.”
--
“This is my bed from now onwards,” Daiki announced as he crawled into Yamada’s bed one night.
“What?”
“We’re sharing a bed.”
“You’re so stupid,” Yamada said, laughing. “We’re too fat to sleep together in this bed.”
Daiki hugged Yamada and rest his head on Yamada’s chest.
“We’ll just have to sleep like this then.”
“Go to sleep already,” Yamada said, chuckling.
--
“I love you,” Yamada repeated for the thousandth time that day.
“I love you too.” Daiki thought that he might get sick of hearing that one day but now he knew that he could never.
“Ne I got this bear for you,” Yamada said as he passed a huge teddy bear to Daiki.
“When?” Daiki asked, bewildered before his tone turned stricter. “You’re not supposed to go out.”
“Please, the nurses have their eyes on me twenty-four seven,” Yamada said with a roll of his eyes. “I ordered it online.” He stared at Daiki who was holding the teddy bear. “Well hug it.”
Daiki did as he was told.
“I love you.”
Daiki stared at the bear before turning his gaze to Yamada.
“I thought you might miss me saying that,” Yamada explained with a careless shrug but Daiki knew that Yamada was embarrassed.
“Aww you’re so adorable when you’re all flustered!” Daiki squealed as he pinched Yamada’s cheek. He tried not to notice how they felt more like skin than flesh now.
“I’m not!” Yamada retorted, trying, but failing, to hide his blush.
“I love you,” Daiki said and Yamada looked at him.
Daiki shrugged. “I think you might miss me saying that too. But I can’t get you a penguin because you can’t take that to wherever you’re going.”
Yamada smiled. He wondered when he was going.
--
“I love you so much,” Yamada whispered after he released into Daiki.
“You have no idea how much I love you,” Daiki answered.
The nurses were going to kill them in the morning but some things could not be helped.
--
“Daiki, I love you so much. You’ve been amazing and my life would have never been this complete and happy without you,” Yamada said, playing with a strand of Daiki’s hair. Daiki was lying on the bed beside him. He looked at Yamada, a stern expression on his face.
“Why are you suddenly saying all this?”
“Just listen,” Yamada snapped. The urgency in his voice was scaring Daiki and himself. Daiki obediently shut his mouth.
“I’m going to miss you so much Daiki and I know that you’re going to miss me too. But you have to move on okay? You can mourn for me for a week at most, but after that you’re going to have to be that happy Dai-chan again. Oh gosh, do you know how much I love your smile? And your eyes? And just everything about you? You’re going to have to be that Daiki who makes everyone happy again. Continue to be the bridge between BEST and 7. I - ” Yamada stopped as Daiki placed a finger on his lips.
“I know what you want to say Ryosuke,” Daiki said softly. “I understand.” They were silent for a while as they both stared at each other, love mirroring in their eyes.
“I love you.” The three words were uttered at the same time and they shared a secret smile which only they could decipher.
Later that night, as they laid on the same bed, Yamada said something to Daiki that they never exchanged before.
“Good night Daiki,” he said, a true smile of happiness on his face.
“Good night Ryosuke,” Daiki replied, feeling an aching pain in his heart.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.” So much.
--
“Ne Ryosuke, wake up,” Daiki muttered, shaking the younger boy. Even as he did that he knew that the younger one would never wake up again. He was really gone now. Tears trailed down his cheeks as he hugged the lifeless body of the other. “Please wake up…”
“Daiki?”
Yabu’s concerned voice carried in the still room. Daiki did not answer, and from his actions JUMP figured out what had happened. They kept quiet as tears of their own fell.
--
“I can’t live without you…” Daiki muttered, tracing his fingers over the inscription of the tombstone. He ignored the rain that was beating upon him.
Yamada Ryosuke
Loved member of Hey!Say!JUMP
Cherished son and brother
Beloved of Arioka Daiki