The future..
Well this is it. I have my train ticket for next week's final interview and tickets for the festival all lined up for me. The rest of my august is already pretty booked up and we're not even halfway! I can only hope I can still afford to get tickets to Reading for house-hunting times. It's odd to think I'll be finally going back, feels old and new at the same time. Even weirder when Rachel told me she plans on only staying in Reading for a year. Weird because it raises all kinds of what-ifs for the future. The future looks like this ride at my local water park up north. Basically a flume entrance into a massive watery bowl with a hole in the middle. You slip and slide around inside until you literally circle down the drain and plop into a big box of water. It feels like I'm about to enter the flume now, only I have no idea if the box of water is safe or full of man-eating sharks. All I can do is slip and slide and hope for the best because I'm nearing the point of no return. I can't exactly scramble up the sides once things are set into motion. In other words, this be scary shit, yo.
I'm just grateful I'm not facing it alone. Being mid-to-late twenties is when you can't deny being an adult anymore. You're not even really a *young* adult. But an adult-adult. The mortgage-getting, baby-having, career-striving adult. I'm fast approaching the time when there are no jobs only career prospects. And no casual flings, but candidates for future-mating possibilities. And I'm terrified and I'm not sure if I'm ready yet....I mean I'm not certain but then I wasn't certain about going to uni or losing my virginity and they turned out ok in the end....sooo....*shrugs?*
Again to sum up, scary shit yo.
This is waaaaay too much thinking for daytime. This is what happens when you trade alcohol for caffeinne! At least with alcohol you've either drunk enough not to care or if you still do, complicated thoughts can simplified into gutteral noises.
Holy shit I'm terrified. But I'm still going to fight for it. That's just how I do things I guess.....
J