Road Trippin'
So I went back to cleveland with every intention of going on this epic 3 week long road trip to various points around the country including, to top it off, the rnc in St Paul. I was so psyched about it, we packed and got in the car and drove off into the sunset.
It was Me, Cait, Marta, and A-man (A-dog, first name withheld?). We got from cleveland to Minneapolis in the first day, a stunning amount of driving, something like 17 hours. We slept in an old friends house and left in the morning after stopping at a convent food co-op.
The next day we didn't stop driving. We drove for about 22 hours through north dakota and montanna to get to yellowstone. We managed to stand naked atop an ice shelf in bear tooth pass at sunrise, which was... the best idea ever? or maybe the stupidest. We stopped off in yellowstone for a bit, had a contest to see who could keep their feet in glacial runoff for the longest amount of time, I tied for first with cait. And then we took a much needed nap in the shade next to a public restroom.
We drove out of yellowstone and stopped in Bozeman montanna. It's a surprisingly hip little town, the food co-op there was huge and prosperous and beautiful. So we got some snackies and sandwiches and water bottles and left for another all nighter of driving.
Thus far in the trip I had only driven nights. we were on the road for 3 days, all those days I took the graveyard shift. It was okay, because I didn't have to talk to anyone and I could put on whatever music I wanted while they were asleep. I drove through the remainder of montana, idaho, and part of washington.
A-man took the wheel at dawn and I took a nap. When I woke up, we were in seattle, land of the granola-munchers and Adobe's corporate headquarters. We set up at garth's house and proceeded to do the old thing, get drunk, run amok, go on bike rides, go to parties. It was all good.
However, throuout the entire thing there was a sneaking bitter rage at all of them that crept up in my voice and mannerisms, no matter how I tried to hide it behind don't give a shit attitude and sarcasm. I suppose in the depths of me I'm still mad at A and cait for fucking, in my presence no less, when I had crushes on both of them. And that old wound got ripped fresh this morning when garth joined in. I was lying on the edge of the bed trying to fall back asleep but when the damn thing started rocking I grabbed the wine off the shelf and cried and drank until I just felt cold. None of them noticed or seemed to understand or care. Tears of bitter hurt and jealousy are beyond their comprehension, I suppose. Those feelings have no place in the wondrous rainbowy polyamorous future. I'm trying to figure out if it's something wrong with me, that I feel these things, but conventions seem to agree with my upset attitude. But I don't want the conventions... ergh oh well.
I couldn't continue on with the rest of the journey. I have to go back to school and work on my life in that respect before I let anything ANYTHING or anyone get tangled up in my psyche. I might still make the RNC, I might not, depending on how this next week goes. It doesn't bother me anymore. I'll still do FNB, I'll still be concerned and active in the community. I just don't know how much extended time I can spend with these folks.
On an upnote, I'm definitely wholeheartedly in love with pat. So inconvenient! but so nice as well. I can focus on my work and not my personal life, and when he comes to visit then fuck my work, it's all about him. The best part is, he feels the same and I am so stoked for the future for once. I am extremely pleased and excited about spending a lot more time with this kid, how long? who knows! until the brain suckers are full, I guess.
It was Me, Cait, Marta, and A-man (A-dog, first name withheld?). We got from cleveland to Minneapolis in the first day, a stunning amount of driving, something like 17 hours. We slept in an old friends house and left in the morning after stopping at a convent food co-op.
The next day we didn't stop driving. We drove for about 22 hours through north dakota and montanna to get to yellowstone. We managed to stand naked atop an ice shelf in bear tooth pass at sunrise, which was... the best idea ever? or maybe the stupidest. We stopped off in yellowstone for a bit, had a contest to see who could keep their feet in glacial runoff for the longest amount of time, I tied for first with cait. And then we took a much needed nap in the shade next to a public restroom.
We drove out of yellowstone and stopped in Bozeman montanna. It's a surprisingly hip little town, the food co-op there was huge and prosperous and beautiful. So we got some snackies and sandwiches and water bottles and left for another all nighter of driving.
Thus far in the trip I had only driven nights. we were on the road for 3 days, all those days I took the graveyard shift. It was okay, because I didn't have to talk to anyone and I could put on whatever music I wanted while they were asleep. I drove through the remainder of montana, idaho, and part of washington.
A-man took the wheel at dawn and I took a nap. When I woke up, we were in seattle, land of the granola-munchers and Adobe's corporate headquarters. We set up at garth's house and proceeded to do the old thing, get drunk, run amok, go on bike rides, go to parties. It was all good.
However, throuout the entire thing there was a sneaking bitter rage at all of them that crept up in my voice and mannerisms, no matter how I tried to hide it behind don't give a shit attitude and sarcasm. I suppose in the depths of me I'm still mad at A and cait for fucking, in my presence no less, when I had crushes on both of them. And that old wound got ripped fresh this morning when garth joined in. I was lying on the edge of the bed trying to fall back asleep but when the damn thing started rocking I grabbed the wine off the shelf and cried and drank until I just felt cold. None of them noticed or seemed to understand or care. Tears of bitter hurt and jealousy are beyond their comprehension, I suppose. Those feelings have no place in the wondrous rainbowy polyamorous future. I'm trying to figure out if it's something wrong with me, that I feel these things, but conventions seem to agree with my upset attitude. But I don't want the conventions... ergh oh well.
I couldn't continue on with the rest of the journey. I have to go back to school and work on my life in that respect before I let anything ANYTHING or anyone get tangled up in my psyche. I might still make the RNC, I might not, depending on how this next week goes. It doesn't bother me anymore. I'll still do FNB, I'll still be concerned and active in the community. I just don't know how much extended time I can spend with these folks.
On an upnote, I'm definitely wholeheartedly in love with pat. So inconvenient! but so nice as well. I can focus on my work and not my personal life, and when he comes to visit then fuck my work, it's all about him. The best part is, he feels the same and I am so stoked for the future for once. I am extremely pleased and excited about spending a lot more time with this kid, how long? who knows! until the brain suckers are full, I guess.