Some things I just need to get out
So this journal entry is going to be one that some may not like. All I can say is it's my journal and if you don't like what it says, don't read it.
There's my disclaimer.
That being said. I like to think of myself as a good friend. I"m loyal... Probably to a fault. I"m honest... Again, probably to a fault. I'm kind, considerate, compassionate, and caring. All of these things, I'm sure to a fault. One thing I'm sure that isn't a fault is that I'm loving. I love my friends incredibly. They are as close and possibly even closer to me than (some of) my family.
The fact that I am the way that I am though, makes it very easy for me to be hurt. So over the years, I have built up walls, and not allowed many people through them. The people that I DO allow into my heart and my life are carefully chosen. They are carefully given my trust. I have been hurt many times, physically and emotionally, so I tend to guard myself.
The good part of me being who I am though is that with my loyalty, comes a protectiveness. I won't let harm come to ANY that I love. My husband, my family or my friends. Having been hurt myself many times, I want to keep as much harm from my loved ones as possible.
That being said, and myself explained, how then do I react, when a relationship is threatened? Not technically threatened, because I know it is secure. How do I react when someone whom I had allowed past the walls, someone I had trusted, broke my trust, showed disrespect towards me, my husband and herself? Then when confronted, explained the situation away, danced around the subject, never apologized (how hard is it to say I'm sorry? Any mature adult can do it), and requested that we "still be friends once things blow over".
How do I respond to this? How should anyone respond to being stabbed in the back? Especially someone who doesn't trust anyone to begin with? People often think that I am a trusting carefree person, but in truth and essence I am not. I have been ripped down and torn to shreds so many times that I am very guarded. It's hard for me to trust someone in the first place. There were extenuating circumstances that made it hard to trust this person originally. Maybe I should have listened to my gut.
At this point there isn't really much that I can do, other than deal with the hurt, the betrayl, the anger and the pain. I've done it all before. Cutting people out of my life is old hat to me. I've learned that things don't just "blow over" especially when it comes to someone's relationship.
There's my disclaimer.
That being said. I like to think of myself as a good friend. I"m loyal... Probably to a fault. I"m honest... Again, probably to a fault. I'm kind, considerate, compassionate, and caring. All of these things, I'm sure to a fault. One thing I'm sure that isn't a fault is that I'm loving. I love my friends incredibly. They are as close and possibly even closer to me than (some of) my family.
The fact that I am the way that I am though, makes it very easy for me to be hurt. So over the years, I have built up walls, and not allowed many people through them. The people that I DO allow into my heart and my life are carefully chosen. They are carefully given my trust. I have been hurt many times, physically and emotionally, so I tend to guard myself.
The good part of me being who I am though is that with my loyalty, comes a protectiveness. I won't let harm come to ANY that I love. My husband, my family or my friends. Having been hurt myself many times, I want to keep as much harm from my loved ones as possible.
That being said, and myself explained, how then do I react, when a relationship is threatened? Not technically threatened, because I know it is secure. How do I react when someone whom I had allowed past the walls, someone I had trusted, broke my trust, showed disrespect towards me, my husband and herself? Then when confronted, explained the situation away, danced around the subject, never apologized (how hard is it to say I'm sorry? Any mature adult can do it), and requested that we "still be friends once things blow over".
How do I respond to this? How should anyone respond to being stabbed in the back? Especially someone who doesn't trust anyone to begin with? People often think that I am a trusting carefree person, but in truth and essence I am not. I have been ripped down and torn to shreds so many times that I am very guarded. It's hard for me to trust someone in the first place. There were extenuating circumstances that made it hard to trust this person originally. Maybe I should have listened to my gut.
At this point there isn't really much that I can do, other than deal with the hurt, the betrayl, the anger and the pain. I've done it all before. Cutting people out of my life is old hat to me. I've learned that things don't just "blow over" especially when it comes to someone's relationship.