Just... rawr...
It's frustrating, really...
I'm still in a situation where I feel I need to get away from, and that would basically mean getting a decent paying job so that I can support myself and get my own place. One would think that's not too much to ask but it would seem that maybe it is. Not that I've really done anything right towards that goal thus far. With my borked education record no one's likely to believe me when I say that I'm a quick learner and I'll pick up whatever skills I'll need for the job along the way. Which is a bit sad because I am confident that I could do that with most jobs (bar working with elderly, kids or impaired people, I'm too awkward for that).
So, it would seem my options are to either keep fumbling around hoping that someone will take that leap of faith and hire me or I get some sort of actual education. I've been thinking of going for some sort of pastrycook education as I'd be working with my hands and I'd get to be a bit creative, plus it's a bit of a niche so there's likely to be someplace needing one. However, I can't seem to let go about wanting a decent art education to fill in the gaps I have... I do have one in mind that seems like a good one that has the perk that it's based online so I could likely keep working while attending but it costs roughly 12000SEK a year, which I simply don't have. And if I did I've a feeling mom would lecture me on how art won't get me any money (and she'd be right, it likely wouldn't, but I'd be happy).
I feel like I'm chasing my own tail here, in more ways than one. On one hand I just want to draw like I used to, without a care in the world, on the other hand I want to be able to support myself. These two seem to be impossible to combine. And these days I can't seem to be able to conjure up the energy to even try anything at all anymore.
I'm not sleeping well, I'm not eating like I should, I can't find the energy to walk out the door, I can't get myself to draw or create anything and often I can't even keep up with cleaning the apartment or even washing my hair. I've been thinking of trying to get to see a psychologist but my phone phobia and the whole not going out the door thing sort of put a stop to that... That and money concerns, it's not like I got a lot to spare.
I feel sorry for David, the poor sod has to deal with my lethargy. I think in the end the worst part is that I know I'm depressed and all that, but I can't for the life of me get myself out of it. Fuck's sake, I just feel so pathetic it makes me angry at myself. A shame this anger ain't half as productive as it usually is.
I'm still in a situation where I feel I need to get away from, and that would basically mean getting a decent paying job so that I can support myself and get my own place. One would think that's not too much to ask but it would seem that maybe it is. Not that I've really done anything right towards that goal thus far. With my borked education record no one's likely to believe me when I say that I'm a quick learner and I'll pick up whatever skills I'll need for the job along the way. Which is a bit sad because I am confident that I could do that with most jobs (bar working with elderly, kids or impaired people, I'm too awkward for that).
So, it would seem my options are to either keep fumbling around hoping that someone will take that leap of faith and hire me or I get some sort of actual education. I've been thinking of going for some sort of pastrycook education as I'd be working with my hands and I'd get to be a bit creative, plus it's a bit of a niche so there's likely to be someplace needing one. However, I can't seem to let go about wanting a decent art education to fill in the gaps I have... I do have one in mind that seems like a good one that has the perk that it's based online so I could likely keep working while attending but it costs roughly 12000SEK a year, which I simply don't have. And if I did I've a feeling mom would lecture me on how art won't get me any money (and she'd be right, it likely wouldn't, but I'd be happy).
I feel like I'm chasing my own tail here, in more ways than one. On one hand I just want to draw like I used to, without a care in the world, on the other hand I want to be able to support myself. These two seem to be impossible to combine. And these days I can't seem to be able to conjure up the energy to even try anything at all anymore.
I'm not sleeping well, I'm not eating like I should, I can't find the energy to walk out the door, I can't get myself to draw or create anything and often I can't even keep up with cleaning the apartment or even washing my hair. I've been thinking of trying to get to see a psychologist but my phone phobia and the whole not going out the door thing sort of put a stop to that... That and money concerns, it's not like I got a lot to spare.
I feel sorry for David, the poor sod has to deal with my lethargy. I think in the end the worst part is that I know I'm depressed and all that, but I can't for the life of me get myself out of it. Fuck's sake, I just feel so pathetic it makes me angry at myself. A shame this anger ain't half as productive as it usually is.