(no subject)
maybe i'm tired, maybe i'm moody, maybe i'm overly sensitive
i am tired of human relationships.
i feel like i'm constantly selling myself. come buy val! come hang out with me cause blahblahblah: i have an open house, i have treats, i have money, a ride, WHATever it is that u neeed at the moment. BUt right now, or at least right now minus saturday night, i have nothing to offer anyone (b/c sat i HAD the house and got in shit loads of trouble for it) of use b/c i do not get calls, i make them. i do not get invites, i invite myself. i am unable to maintain steady plans, b/c i am a pushover who allows ppl to break them, and let ppl pretend to have to be home by a certain time when they are having secret roundevoeus (WTF? can't u juuuuust tell the truth!?), making the call back instead of waiting another hour for one.
i feel like i am justifying myself and actions TO evERYONE, including myself.
i don't need this shit.
if having friends means being ditched and lied to, then i don't need this extra shit in my life. not when i'm already stressing out.
and now for a family lunch.
i am tired of human relationships.
i feel like i'm constantly selling myself. come buy val! come hang out with me cause blahblahblah: i have an open house, i have treats, i have money, a ride, WHATever it is that u neeed at the moment. BUt right now, or at least right now minus saturday night, i have nothing to offer anyone (b/c sat i HAD the house and got in shit loads of trouble for it) of use b/c i do not get calls, i make them. i do not get invites, i invite myself. i am unable to maintain steady plans, b/c i am a pushover who allows ppl to break them, and let ppl pretend to have to be home by a certain time when they are having secret roundevoeus (WTF? can't u juuuuust tell the truth!?), making the call back instead of waiting another hour for one.
i feel like i am justifying myself and actions TO evERYONE, including myself.
i don't need this shit.
if having friends means being ditched and lied to, then i don't need this extra shit in my life. not when i'm already stressing out.
and now for a family lunch.