Confessions of a Fickle Generation Y/Z'er
If you've ever been mocked for slumping on the toilet seat and reflecting on your awful day in a perpetual state of angst, regret and self-loathing, do realize: we're all entitled to our occasional moments of emo. (You get 1 per year. Anything more is excessive.) This is what I told myself last night as I relived all my past relationships (none of which actually culminated in anything, realize) and wondered, not for the first time, if there was something fundamentally wrong with me.
Because yeah, I'm pretty fucking young, maybe too young to be thinking about this, but my friend has already lost her V-card and she's pretty much my age.
I voiced this fear to my Doormat friend, whom everyone was convinced to be a total pushover but has never actually been...pushed over.
SALLY: So - I think I may have Man-ADHD.
DOORMAT: Is this another one of those illnesses you make up to weasel out of explaining how society's offended you again?
SALLY: No! And when have I ever?
DOORMAT: There was RHWD, for Richmond Hill Wasting Disease (because the suburb kids couldn't take a joke and you had to tone down your acerbic wit, and then felt like you were losing a piece of yourself), and then there was PSKS, for Privileged Suburban Kid Syndrome (because your friends all seem to belong to perfect, nuclear families while yours is charmingly, quirkily dysfunctional), and there was-
SALLY: Shut up this time it's the real thing.
DOORMAT: Fine. Go on.
SALLY: So...remember the people I've dated?
DOORMAT: Be more specific, there were so many.
SALLY: No there weren't, you're just a prude. Anyway, I realized that I was totally infatuated with them while we were still "dealing", but got bored soon after we entered into a relationship. Yes, this applies to each and every one of them.
DOORMAT: So your relationships fizzled and died out. This is out-of-the-ordinary how?
SALLY: Dude, I was completely into each & every one of them until they reciprocated my feelings. Then I started to find them clingy and irritating. My feelings for them prior to the "going steady" part, which mostly involved wanting to please them and making them laugh and be happy, evaporated into thin air as soon as we became an item. Does that not seem like an issue to you? Does this mean I do this just for the thrill of the chase? Am I a cold-hearted sociopath?
DOORMAT: So you were a fickle, wayward wretch. This is news how? And yes, you kind of are.
SALLY: Well...okay then. I guess that's that.
DOORMAT: Er. You know what, maybe you just haven't found the right guy. Maybe they all happened to be clingy!
SALLY: Yes, but then that would mean I attract clingy men. Shit. This just can't be painted in a positive light.
DOORMAT: Welcome to life.
Well fuck me, I don't know what I expected adolescence to be like, but this isn't it. "Ready or Not" could never prepare me for this crap. Maybe one day I'll acquire the emotional maturity necessary to sustain a real, healthy relationship, but for now, I'm just gonna have to adopt a new philosophy when it comes to life and love: "Whatever".
Because yeah, I'm pretty fucking young, maybe too young to be thinking about this, but my friend has already lost her V-card and she's pretty much my age.
I voiced this fear to my Doormat friend, whom everyone was convinced to be a total pushover but has never actually been...pushed over.
SALLY: So - I think I may have Man-ADHD.
DOORMAT: Is this another one of those illnesses you make up to weasel out of explaining how society's offended you again?
SALLY: No! And when have I ever?
DOORMAT: There was RHWD, for Richmond Hill Wasting Disease (because the suburb kids couldn't take a joke and you had to tone down your acerbic wit, and then felt like you were losing a piece of yourself), and then there was PSKS, for Privileged Suburban Kid Syndrome (because your friends all seem to belong to perfect, nuclear families while yours is charmingly, quirkily dysfunctional), and there was-
SALLY: Shut up this time it's the real thing.
DOORMAT: Fine. Go on.
SALLY: So...remember the people I've dated?
DOORMAT: Be more specific, there were so many.
SALLY: No there weren't, you're just a prude. Anyway, I realized that I was totally infatuated with them while we were still "dealing", but got bored soon after we entered into a relationship. Yes, this applies to each and every one of them.
DOORMAT: So your relationships fizzled and died out. This is out-of-the-ordinary how?
SALLY: Dude, I was completely into each & every one of them until they reciprocated my feelings. Then I started to find them clingy and irritating. My feelings for them prior to the "going steady" part, which mostly involved wanting to please them and making them laugh and be happy, evaporated into thin air as soon as we became an item. Does that not seem like an issue to you? Does this mean I do this just for the thrill of the chase? Am I a cold-hearted sociopath?
DOORMAT: So you were a fickle, wayward wretch. This is news how? And yes, you kind of are.
SALLY: Well...okay then. I guess that's that.
DOORMAT: Er. You know what, maybe you just haven't found the right guy. Maybe they all happened to be clingy!
SALLY: Yes, but then that would mean I attract clingy men. Shit. This just can't be painted in a positive light.
DOORMAT: Welcome to life.
Well fuck me, I don't know what I expected adolescence to be like, but this isn't it. "Ready or Not" could never prepare me for this crap. Maybe one day I'll acquire the emotional maturity necessary to sustain a real, healthy relationship, but for now, I'm just gonna have to adopt a new philosophy when it comes to life and love: "Whatever".