Saturday Night Bits And Pieces

[mistersleepless]

1. Two short videos taken with the Nokia 7610 phone. You'll need the current version of Quicktime to view them. The first was shot in North Beach, San Francisco on October 28, while waiting for Laurenn to pick me up. The second was shot in the Castro district on Hallowe'en, where Laurenn and I took a walk through the parade.

2. Finally, a how-

Comments

[rhyo]

Mistersleepless goes away soon.

Well... fuck.

It's been very interesting, seeing both the versions of your commercially published work (and that aspect of your thoughts) and this, the more personal version of "mistersleepless" that you've chosen to share. And, well, useful in many ways.

I spent 20+ (semi-)adult years doing the "traditional" (and often screaming inside about it), and now I am at a point where I can step free and do what *I* want, for me. Only I can't, because those traditional years left these little mental hooks in that get triggered, little screaming voices of traditional authority that I respond to frighteningly well. I've always liked to think that I've never been good at taking orders, at blindly doing what someone else tells me; it's been disheartening to see that I don't *need* those outside voices telling me what to do -- somehow, somewhere, I managed to internalize them, and what I thought was rebellion was basically just indigestion. Feh. Being a good little progressive liberal starts to seem like a lot like being a right-wing nutjob -- just the pejorative terms are changed to protect the... whatever.

And what I often want is to able to turn around, say "door" (a seductive concept, that) and walk through to a different "where" and un-make myself. Which is, of course, not possible, but re-making myself certainly is, so I've turned to a version of "speculative reality" which, I gotta say, is a hell of a lot more fun than being a "serious contributing adult person."

So -- thanks for the alternative visions, thanks for mistersleepless!