(no subject)
I blank whenever I start to write. Like my thoughts hide from me. There's this incredible urge to put my thoughts out to the universe (via the internet) and express myself in words but then they all go away!
I feel like my iTunes is so trendy right now. Reading (& downloading) all the "best of 2011" lists have inspired me and I feel all up to date and cool with my music. Which is a nice switch from showtunes all day every day. I always felt guilty for listening to "normal" music the past two years at school cause there was always some listening assignment or song research to be done. But now that THAT'S over I can have a guilt free iTunes experience.
Speaking of CAP, I've decided to part ways with their schoolin over there. There are some AMAZING teachers over there and I was really looking forward to working with my private coach but the people in charge there are just awful, I feel they're in their profession for the wrong reasons and they just didn't get me mannnn, you knowww?? Hah, nah.. But seriously.
So now that I have 2 years of "musical theater training" I'm ready to be a dancer and actress again haha. At long last.
Sick again. Sickness always comes after I've made a decision for myself or taken an action toward change. Lately anyway. Shouldn't it happen before all that shit happens? Like, I'm struggling with a decision and am all divided about it and then sickness coming on as a physicalized form of the mental distress?? That would make more sense to me. But shit don't make sense sometimes.
Anyway.
I can't sleep. And feel I was a healthier human being at 16 when I was venting out here. && Facebook is so intimidating! It's scary! Its this other dimension that's sorta tangible, but not, in vain alot of the time, and just nonsensical. I get it, people can "stay connected" or whatever the phrase they use to promote the site is and it does work in that way, but then again, its just one more way to avoid being by yourself. Whatever, I think its inflating our already inflated egos, saying every little thing that's on our minds and our very important opinions and another surface way to measure our worth. But then again the same could be said about this. Whatever, who cares.
I think I liked it better when I had no internet or tv.
There is something gratifying and a purge of sorts when you press that post button. Putting yourself out there to be scrutinized and ignoredddddd. I'm so dramatic.
Thinking too much.. simplify..
I wanna sleep! It's not happening.
I also want a job; that's not happening either.
I'm so sick of the lingering illness of the past 3 years. It's lifting but not fast enough. My horoscope said I had to close a few doors and I think I have enough closure to do that so I can just move onnnn!
I wish I could have gone to dance today, and to that audition I was perfect for, and dance tomorrow but its 5:34am and unless I magically wake up to catch the bus, I'm not getting my ass out of bed and that's just the reality of my life right now. So another day to fill with distractions and amusements and little projects. Like today, I sewed these baggy pants into skinny pants. And now they're thoroughly wearable!! Before they were just frumpy purple pants, now they're fashionable. So there, the day was not completely wasted, right?
I've gotten really good at filling empty days since I broke my wrist and was more or less homebound and on the brink of depression after coming back to Jersey from Paradise essentially.
I'm healthy! I exercise! I take my vitamins!! (I don't drink as much water as I should) WHY AM I SICK??
Well, the thought of posting this is quite harrowing, as well as the though of other people reading it. This is what I get for dropping out of college I suppose.
I'll deal.
I feel like my iTunes is so trendy right now. Reading (& downloading) all the "best of 2011" lists have inspired me and I feel all up to date and cool with my music. Which is a nice switch from showtunes all day every day. I always felt guilty for listening to "normal" music the past two years at school cause there was always some listening assignment or song research to be done. But now that THAT'S over I can have a guilt free iTunes experience.
Speaking of CAP, I've decided to part ways with their schoolin over there. There are some AMAZING teachers over there and I was really looking forward to working with my private coach but the people in charge there are just awful, I feel they're in their profession for the wrong reasons and they just didn't get me mannnn, you knowww?? Hah, nah.. But seriously.
So now that I have 2 years of "musical theater training" I'm ready to be a dancer and actress again haha. At long last.
Sick again. Sickness always comes after I've made a decision for myself or taken an action toward change. Lately anyway. Shouldn't it happen before all that shit happens? Like, I'm struggling with a decision and am all divided about it and then sickness coming on as a physicalized form of the mental distress?? That would make more sense to me. But shit don't make sense sometimes.
Anyway.
I can't sleep. And feel I was a healthier human being at 16 when I was venting out here. && Facebook is so intimidating! It's scary! Its this other dimension that's sorta tangible, but not, in vain alot of the time, and just nonsensical. I get it, people can "stay connected" or whatever the phrase they use to promote the site is and it does work in that way, but then again, its just one more way to avoid being by yourself. Whatever, I think its inflating our already inflated egos, saying every little thing that's on our minds and our very important opinions and another surface way to measure our worth. But then again the same could be said about this. Whatever, who cares.
I think I liked it better when I had no internet or tv.
There is something gratifying and a purge of sorts when you press that post button. Putting yourself out there to be scrutinized and ignoredddddd. I'm so dramatic.
Thinking too much.. simplify..
I wanna sleep! It's not happening.
I also want a job; that's not happening either.
I'm so sick of the lingering illness of the past 3 years. It's lifting but not fast enough. My horoscope said I had to close a few doors and I think I have enough closure to do that so I can just move onnnn!
I wish I could have gone to dance today, and to that audition I was perfect for, and dance tomorrow but its 5:34am and unless I magically wake up to catch the bus, I'm not getting my ass out of bed and that's just the reality of my life right now. So another day to fill with distractions and amusements and little projects. Like today, I sewed these baggy pants into skinny pants. And now they're thoroughly wearable!! Before they were just frumpy purple pants, now they're fashionable. So there, the day was not completely wasted, right?
I've gotten really good at filling empty days since I broke my wrist and was more or less homebound and on the brink of depression after coming back to Jersey from Paradise essentially.
I'm healthy! I exercise! I take my vitamins!! (I don't drink as much water as I should) WHY AM I SICK??
Well, the thought of posting this is quite harrowing, as well as the though of other people reading it. This is what I get for dropping out of college I suppose.
I'll deal.